The condition of your marriage depends on the connections you have with your spouse. If you have poor connections your marriage will suffer and struggle to survive. If you have good connections your marriage will grow stronger and stronger as the years go by. So if you’re wanting to save your marriage. Or, if you’re wanting to strengthen your marriage, your connection is the key.
For the longest time, I’ve been trying to answer a few questions about my own marriage. Such as, why did Janet and I struggle for so many years to keep our marriage together? Now that our marriage is strong, what has made the difference? And how is it that we clearly should have divorced on four different occasions, but somehow we survived each crisis?
The obvious answer, first of all, is we didn’t do it alone. There is no doubt God had a big part in getting us through those years and making us who we are today. We will always be grateful to Him and we never stop giving God the glory.
But there has to be more to it. God didn’t choose to supernaturally save our marriage and then for some reason He chooses not to save others. I’ve never believed God works that way. So I’ve always thought there has to be something more tangible. Something about us that God was able to use to do His will in our marriage.
Then I realized the answers to my questions were always there in front of me. God has always had the answer for every marriage written in His word, right from the beginning.
“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Marriage is designed for connection
God created marriage and said husband and wife should leave parents, join to each other and become one flesh. That verse alone basically says the connection is the key.
- Leave – We let go of the connections we’ve depended on in order to create a new connection. That doesn’t mean we lose relationships with parents. But it does mean we redefine our connection to them. We have to let go of our dependency on them or anyone else besides our spouse. We have to lose the connection with others that interferes with our connection to our spouse.
- Join – To join means to connect. It implies a continual act of the will to make a connection. That connection starts with our covenant vow to each other. And in that covenant vow, we commit to finding connection over and over until we are one person.
- Become one flesh – Our connection is to be so strong that we become one person with two equal parts that complement each other. Like our physical bodies, our marriages are designed for life to flow through our connections so that we supply each other with what each other needs.
Your connection is your key
Wherever you’re at right now in your marriage, your connection is your key to getting to where you want to go.
I know many of you are wanting to see your marriage healed and restored. I know it is possible. And I also know for that to happen you have to start with connection. If you have or can have a connection with your spouse you can work with that. This connection can lead you to rebuild what you have lost even if it looks improbable now. That’s the way it worked for us.
Connection can bring restoration
Janet and I didn’t know we were laying a foundation for our marriage restoration. We had both concluded that our marriage was over. But by the grace of God, we decided to stay together through the holidays for our son. As it turned out when we went Christmas shopping together we started becoming friends who liked doing things together.
Then as we spent many nights and weekends at home together drinking coffee and talking. We thought we were bringing closure to the twenty years we misunderstood and hurt each other. What we didn’t know is we were communicating in a way that started repairing our connection.
Next thing you know, through those connections we became intimate again. And from that intimacy, we started experiencing passion at a level we had never had before. So much so, because we still thought our marriage was over, we both grieved over the idea of loosing our new found passion.
It was from those connection points, we both started reconsidering if we wanted to go through with the break-up. It still took a year and a half for us to work through all the baggage we had. And there certainly were times when restoration didn’t look possible.
As I look back now I can see how much our connection was vital to saving our marriage. Even when Janet had the huge breakthrough she wrote about in Jack’s Boots, it is clear how that was all about connection.
Again, to be clear about the role God played in our restoration. Of course, He was behind each connection point I just mentioned. But ultimately a relationship with God has been our greatest point of connection. Even when our marriage was full of baggage and sinful behavior, deep down both of us have wanted Him in our life and marriage.
Strengthen your marriage oneness
So much of who we are today is built on the foundation of those connection points we discovered back then. Although that was a dark and painful time in our life we cannot help but think of that season with gratitude. We know how valuable our relationship is and we know how our connections keep us strong.
Oneness is the foundation great marriages are built on. Just like people, marriages are unique. No two marriages are exactly the same. But you can be sure at the core of any good marriage you will find husband and wife have strong connections in some area or another. Their marriage oneness is based on doing things together, things they agree on, things they share in common.
So, wherever your marriage is today I encourage you to:
- Find your unique connections.
- Protect your connections.
- Build a good foundation from your connections.
- Grow a stronger marriage with your connections.
For me, this idea of connection brings simplicity to what you can do for your marriage. It will point you in the right direction. And if you lose your way it will get you back on course.
I’m thinking about a follow-up post to give some examples of how others have used connections in their marriage. If that sounds helpful, please let me know.
Also, please share your thoughts. Your comments are always welcome and are more helpful than you know.
Blessings to you!!!
Image courtesy of khunaspix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net