Home » What if You’re the Only One Holding On?

What if You’re the Only One Holding On?

If you are in the lonely position of holding on to save your marriage while your spouse says it’s over, then there is a good chance you’re wanting some help. But, you’re feeling frustrated with your desire to get help while your spouse doesn’t want to participate.

You have asked to go see a counselor together, attend a marriage class, or go to a marriage retreat, and your requests are met with cold hard rejections. And you probably heard some cruel words like “I don’t love you and I have never loved you.”

The only one holding on to marriage

There are times when you can’t sleep and there are times when you want to sleep all day. There are times when you’re alone and you feel desperately lonely, and there are times you are thankful to be alone so you can fall apart without your spouse knowing it. And then there are times when your spouse is near and yet the loneliness you feel grips your heart so tight you find it difficult to even breathe.

How do I know this? Because I was the only one holding on, four different times. I heard those words of rejection and I felt that gripping loneliness as I watched my world fall apart. Each time I faced the fact that my wife was ready to end our marriage and move on with someone else. And each time I was challenged with the thought, “do I fight or do I give up?”

It was through those four times and over the period of twenty years that I slowly learned how to fight for my marriage the right way. Eventually, we were able to see the grace of God bring complete healing and restoration in our marriage. And now it is through our own experience and the truths that the Lord has taught us that we are able to minister hope to hurting marriages even in the most desperate situations.

So, What if You’re the Only One Holding On?

If you’re the only one trying to hold on to your marriage you need to know you’re not alone and there are a number of ministry options available to help you. If you will allow the Lord to walk you through this trial and this season in your life, He promises He will make it work for your good. Which means no matter what happens, God will help you grow from this as long as you give Him your complete surrender.

Also know that the scripture does not promise, nor can any counsel or encouragement promise that if you do these things your marriage will be saved. Your spouse has their own freedom to choose and God will not force your spouse to stay in the marriage.

However, if you hold on to your faith. Hold on to hope. Keep surrendering to the Lord, you will give your marriage an excellent opportunity to recover from this. And as you do, you can be sure the Lord will be working on your spouse to turn his/her heart around.

The help that is available for you.

First of all, there is the help only God can give. He should be your source of strength, peace, guidance, wisdom, and comfort. He is the only one that can satisfy your deepest longing to be love. You have to spend time with Him in prayer, worship, study, and meditation on His grace and the great love He has for you. This can be the best thing that has ever happened to you if it draws you closer to God.

You may also need some help to deal with you and your own emotional needs. This may mean you get some professional counseling or some pastoral counseling. Either way, make sure they are Christ centered and they firmly believe in God’s design of a covenant marriage and they desire to see your marriage completely restored.

Classes and books

Then if you are separated it does not mean you will have to go through a divorce. But there is a ministry that can help you if you are separated or going through an unwanted divorce. This ministry is called Divorce Care. You can find them on the web and locate a local class in your area. We have worked closely with one of these classes before. And we know first hand that sometimes separated spouses go through these classes and receive the help they need to restore their marriage.

Next, you can read. There are some great blogs and other Christian ministries available right here at your fingertips on the internet. You can find books at your local Christian bookstore, and library. One of the books I would recommend for this situation is “Hope for the Separated ” by Gary Chapman (author of The Five Languages). And the other book I strongly recommend because it helped me so much, is “Love Must Be Tough “, by Dr. James Dobson.

What I learned

I want to share with you the important lessons I learned from the experience we went through. What I learned from the word of God and the book, “Love must be tough.” Together, the Lord used what I read to teach me some valuable principles for walking out this type of marriage trial.

Here are my tips

Prayer: 

It is obvious that you need to pray and if you’re in the middle of a bad situation you probably already pray as much as you are able. I know because sometimes there are no words to express how deeply you are hurting. Sometimes all you can do is say, “help me Lord” and “I need you, Lord.” Then there are times when you have to tell the Lord how you feel and how it all seems so unfair. That’s okay, you need to unload your burdens and cast your cares. But you just don’t want to stay there. Don’t let yourself fall into a victim mentality. You need to be proactive and take on a warrior’s mentality for your spouse, and a humble servant’s mentality for yourself. What does this mean?

Briefly:

  1. Be a prayer warrior as you pray for your spouse. Don’t pray for them as just your spouse, but as someone who has lost their way. Ask the Lord to open their heart and make it tender again. Pray that their eyes will be opened and that their ears will hear the truth. Pray that the broken places in them will be healed.
  2. Then as a humble servant, ask the Lord to keep your heart tender. Pray that your eyes are open to His truth. Ask for healing in your heart. Pray that you will use wisdom and grace as you move forward. And pray that God will use this difficult time to mold you into the person He wants you to be.

Hope:

You have to have hope to believe for a healed and restored marriage. Hope is the fuel that keeps you pressing forward. It is what keeps you looking at the marriage you want in spite of the difficult situation you’re in. With hope, you can fight to save your marriage even if your spouse “thinks” your marriage is over. For more on hope read, “9 Ways to Keep from Losing Hope.”

Open the door:

Don’t get me wrong, this is not, “don’t let the door hit you on your way out.” This is something I learned from Dobson’s book. If your spouse feels like they are a caged bird and they are thrashing about trying to find their freedom, you have to open the door and set them free. You can never win at love if you have to hold your spouse captive. It will be scary to set them free, but remember the only love you will ever receive from them is a love they choose to freely give you.

Create your own space:

The second thing I learned from Dr. Dobson was when a spouse moves away from the marriage, it is because they want to create some space between you and them. When this happens, the last thing you want to do is try to close the gap between you when it is not what they want.

That will only push them further away as they try to maintain the space they feel they need. What you have to do is start to create your own space. Start moving in a direction that shows you are capable of making it in life without them. When you do this you will create more space between the two of you and if your spouse has any reservation about the direction they have chosen, they will feel a greater distance between you and they will move back in your direction in order to close the gap.

Caution; this is not a game and it is not playing hard to get. It is about you moving forward with confidence and setting boundaries for what you will accept in your life.

There is a delicate balance you have to be aware of here. Your spouse will need to know you still want to be with them. And if your spouse is open to being with you at different times, then, by all means, take those opportunities. Just, be aware of what it looks like to try too hard so that you don’t push him/her further away.

Don’t be nieve:

Allowing your spouse in your life whenever they pick and choose, could be unwise in your particular situation. This is where a counselor would be able to advise you best. Because, while you do want to take every opportunity you can to work on the relationship. You also have to protect yourself from being used as a doormat. A spouse who is already compromising their commitment to their marriage can easily straddle the fence. And they will be tempted to satisfy their own selfish desires in both directions at the same time.

State your position:

This is something you must do right away with absolute clarity so that once you have done so; you will not have to keep pleading your case and as a result push them further away. Just simply, let your spouse know that you want your marriage to be restored. Tell them you are willing to do the work and get the help that will enable the two of you to rebuild your marriage.

Be attractive:

The law of attraction is what brought you together and it is something that will help you restore your marriage. This is not about comparing yourself to someone else and you trying to present yourself attractive in an effort to compete. It is simply presenting yourself as someone your spouse will want to take notice of and think twice about losing.

It may mean presenting yourself attractive in a physical way like you would if you were going out on a date. But not in a way where you are over stressed to change your physical appearance.

Most importantly, this is about being an attractive person on the inside. You may have to put on a strong face when you are around them. But be sure, your spouse will only want to be with you again when they feel they are going to lose something very valuable if they let go of you.

If you show yourself to be somebody they pity. Or, as someone they disrespect they will likely want to continue moving away from you. So, be strong, confident, full of life, full of joy. If you have to fall apart, save it for your time alone with the Lord or someone else who is helping you through this.

Finally, three simple things to avoid that will help you to not sabotage your hard work. When you are dealing with a spouse who is trying to end your marriage you must keep these simple rules; don’t beg, don’t fight, and don’t preach.

I know this is a hard time in your life and it is not easy to walk out all of these tips I have given. But if you don’t do anything else, you must cling to the Lord. He is faithful to see you through this and He WILL cause this to work together for your good if you will only fully surrender to Him and trust Him.

145 comments

  1. jackandjanet says:

    Thanks Cassandra. We know that we are not sending out the most popular messages, but it is the message we strongly believe in. We firmly believe in God’s redeeming grace and we want to share that message every chance we get.

  2. Jason@SongSix3 says:

    I too was in these shoes a couple of times… It’s an incredibly hard place to live. In my case, God chose to fix us and show us His incredible grace along the way. It wasn’t easy in the slightest. But my dear beloved wife and I are together after 25 years of marriage – ALL thanks and praise to God!

    Great post – thank you for sharing your hearts with the world!

    ~Jason

    • jackandjanet says:

      Thanks Jason. We are so glad to have other people share how God saved their marriage as well. I know there are many out there who are searching for encouragement as they walk out their own difficult trial.
      We are glad to be partnering with you and the other members of CMBA.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Thanks Sherry. We are glad you and your husband made it through that. And we are thankful you are now helping other marriages.

  3. Great..great..*yelling* Great POST! Thank you so much for this post. It leads and opens up conversations to so many opportunities for couples to remember how important FAITH & God’s whispers are in Marriage. This ministered to our hearts. Thank you!

  4. jackandjanet says:

    Thank you for your comment themarriageconcierge. It’s good to know this ministered to you.

  5. steve says:

    I’m the one who has been holding on for 3 years. There have been attempts at reconciliation which haven’t lasted long. We’re at the end now; my wife is willing to have me take over the house and have our kids most of the time while she works full time and is possibly back in adultery. Only by God’s grace do I still love her and want our marriage to survive. I believe we made a covenant before God but I cannot chain her to me. She wants out and says she no longer loves me. My hope and fight are gone. I know there is a spiritual battle going on for her soul and i still pray for her, but no longer for our marriage. I am so worn out, in every way. I had no idea how to have a marriage the way God would have it, and now it’s too late. My trust has been destroyed. I pray God heals both of our hearts and wraps His arms around our children.

      • Jin says:

        I don’t think you should give up so easily. He is obviously hurt or certain requirements that make him happy haven’t been met. I know we shouldn’t rely on people for us to be happy, as we should rely on GOD, but in marriages we do want to feel appreciated, wanted, respected and loved. It sounds as though he feels that being around you only reminds him of the hurt he feels or the frustrations. Don’t read into too much of what he says, but take it at face value. Meaning, he loves you, but can’t be with you. Does it mean that it’s permanent? No. It means right now, in this moment, for whatever reasons that pains him, he can not be with you. Don’t give up hope and don’t give up faith. Don’t play hard to get or play games that you may believe will entice him to come back. One of the hard lessons that I have learned and that I am still learning is to be a better wife. If you would have asked me 6 months ago, I would have told you that I was being a good wife and supported my husband, but in retrospect, I wasn’t. You have to focus on how to be a better version of you. That includes getting into the word to see how the bible defines a wife and what she needs to be and who you are in Christ. Once you see how GOD changes you, people around you will take notice, including your husband. You have a chance to work this out, but do it in the right way…GOD’s way. I am going through it in the same way, but my husband is slowly coming around little by little. BE patient and know this takes time and doesn’t happen over night. He needs to trust in you as a wife again. Don’t walk away. Be positive. Give him positive memories for him to walk away with, every time he sees you. Be kind. Be loving, but not desperate. Be confident. Don’t tell him your improving, just show it through your actions. May I remind you again…be patient:)

        • Leslie says:

          Jin, I just have to say I needed to see your post today. And how I happened upon this site may have just been a blessing. I actually had to start over and re-read it several times before I actually finished it. I think you are speaking directly to me about my situation. We are now divorced and have been for 2 years in May and I am truly struggling. We had so many issues during our marriage and the divorce was so terrible. Not until the last little bit during group activities with our son have I started to see this change in my ex husband. A change that I so desperately fought for before the divorce that he fought against and now he’s different, I’m different and I miss it, even after all the hurt I went through. I know I was responsible for part of it. All I know is I miss him, I miss my family and I would love the chance to reconcile. I just pray for God’s guidance for us both because at this point, it would be by God’s grace that it happened. Reading your post though makes sense and is what I needed to see for me. It is about God’s timing and being patient. Thank you 🙂

        • Anonymous says:

          Wow your comment just encouraged me to hold on and not give up partner asked me to give him space though is only a day it feels like years I really want my marriage to workout I won’t give up but I will be patient thanks a lot

        • Anonymous says:

          Jin Im lying here thinking about my marriage and and husband. My husband have treated me so good and provided for us any way possible. After 17yrs of marriage, one night he said Im sorry Im in love with someone else and I want to be with her. I asked what about us he replied i love you and don’t mean to hurt you it went to for. He don’t express his feelings for me anymore nor do he look at me. He still take care of all our bills after 11months but never talk about us getting back together. I love him with everything in me and I pray asking god for help. I believe our marriage could be saved but he is not willing to save it. never loved a man like I love him.. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I do is think about him and our life. He don’t even come around to see the children anymore. It seems as if he avoids our children, me, and our home….

          • Anonymous says:

            Since October of 2014 my husband and I had separated. He was stationed in Korea and we were in the U.S. During that time I fell into a deep depression, caring only of my pains and the unwillingness to live. My children who were 13, 8 and 3 at the time, had to raise themselves, as I would lock myself in my room and cry endlessly. I would raise my voice and lose my patience with my children and though I was conscious of my lack of responsibility, my emotions dictated every action.

            My house was a total disaster and my attitude changed drastically. I began sharing my pains with my clients (I work in the beauty industry) and noticed that I wanted nothing more but validation, but for what? In what way would that change anything in my marriage, but to only encourage my pride to move forward with vengeance.

            Every time I spoke to my husband, I was filled with such emotions, from anger, to hate, to sadness and with every intent to beg or to threaten. My back was up against the wall and I was giving up hope. I couldn’t sleep without waking up with physical pains in my heart, and losing breath just imagining him with another. I was dying inside and I was losing my mind.

            I had no choice but to surrender to Jehovah in all of my despair and brokenness. I was in such turmoil and in such disgust. Jehovah GOD wouldn’t care about a young woman who left the church years ago and questioned his existence who is now at the feet of his throne, asking for mercy and grace. But, falling onto my knees and letting out mourning cries, I would feel the presence of GOD engulf me in his love and in that moment I was in a familiar place.

            I started meeting women through my job who were followers of Christ and would invite me to their church. I slowly started coming out of my depression, but still I struggled with anger and un-forgiveness. It’s been an uphill and downhill battle that has allowed me to understand the word of GOD as never before. I have asked questions, and GOD never failed to answer each of them.

            I struggled with feelings of my husband being in another relationship and I would hear GOD ask, “If he was, would you forgive him?” I would have such mix feelings, but my answer was “Yes Lord.” I would pray that mighty men of GOD would mentor him and minister to him while he stayed in Korea. I would pray that GOD would fill the void in his soul and heal his broken heart. I would pray that he would return and that GOD would humble him.

            I felt GOD say, that he would return in August and in June I stopped praying. I was tired and I was exhausted. I needed a break from church as I was slowly giving up. I was feeling a little better emotionally and mentally. I was ready to move forward. I would ask GOD why is it, that I am the one that has to go through this and why do I have to be the one praying. I heard the Lord say, “Because who else will pray for him?”

            I couldn’t take showing love and compassion towards my husband and constantly feeling rejected by him. But little did I know that GOD was working behind the scenes and I was ending it with my husband because I thought biblically I had every right to. Here’s what I learned about what your biblical rights are as a Christian. You have the ability to walk away and let go, when your husband or wife chooses to abandoned you or has committed adultery. But, would Christ let you go if you chose to walk away from him or would you want him to be right there when you finally returned.

            I think you have an option here without biblical consequences to walk away, as those actions can emotionally destroy a person, but I think if you live by the word you will see and understand that if you stand firm and become Christ like, you are in a much better position to have favor in his eyes.

            August of this year, my husband contacted me and said he was coming home. When he did, he was in such despair, and such brokenness. He wept and admitted that he had been in another relationship with another woman and that he was so sorry for what he had done. How do I know GOD works, even though we don’t always see it, because this is what my husband told me, “I am lost. I have a void that can not be filled. I am broken and no matter how many people talk to me about GOD, I just don’t believe.”

            GOD was sending people to minister to him, maybe in subtle ways, but GOD was present. GOD allowed my husband to reveal what GOD asked me to do, was to forgive him for committing adultery in which he admitted. Though we are not together, it only confirms the power of GOD and to never question what he does behind the scenes. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean he isn’t doing it. My husband are working things out slowly…I can’t complain, because allow me to assure you, it’s been quite a work in progress!

            I have learned to work on yourself and your relationship with GOD first. Improve who you are, but not to the point that your ego takes over and you no longer feel the need to pray for your husband / wife. Go to church and surround yourself with positive people. Work out and eat well. Travel and Be happy. Stay in prayer and know that GOD has this. Even if it seems too extreme, GOD is much more powerful than your situation!

            Most importantly, be patient because GOD never,…never…fails!

            • Love says:

              wow your last paragraph the whole experience i relate 100% and truly feel the same, my relationship with God is first NOW and God is working on my ex husband and I am moving forward, I am standing strong patient but God’s plan is greater and I will follow him in faith regardless if my ex husband and I find each other again or not. ENDLESS tears for countless months I feel the and felt the same crushing pain in my heart like never before. True heart break its debilitating. Im sorry we all have gone through this and many hugs go out to each of you!

            • Moricia says:

              reading your story brought tears in my eyes because it was as if I wrote this…im in a similar situation and waiting on my husband to reconcile…its been months and its so hard!!! my heart feels very heavy and I am so consumed by the thought of him. I find myself going through old messages that he use to send me…As if I am clinging onto the past and looking for hope…I pray for faith, patience, wisdom and understanding because this is very difficult. I pray all the time and it does feel as if God is not hearing me or working on my situation…thank you so much for giving me hope…

      • where is God? says:

        I am going through this now also. I am trying not to fall apart after over 4 years of standing. Not falling apart in front of my spouse and acting as if I can make it on my own are very very difficult. I feel ostracized by others around me because I refuse to talk about my situation. People throw hints and smirk.
        My spouse’s rejection hurts so badly it makes me sick. My spouse pretends to be interested but then becomes unresponsive after plans are made. I feel as if my spouse is mocking me to purposely make me feel worse. It seems like some intentional mind game. This makes me feel as if there is no hope. But I continue to pray at the expense of looking like a fool. I have attended so many family events alone. People are talking and seem to be angry with me or to pity me. A logical person would not deal with this. Why is God making me look so bad. Even he seems to have rejected me.
        I want to have a good life with my spouse but this situation is taking my energy. I feel so afraid abandoned and alone. My lips are zipped so tight I want to explode with the emotions that are bottled up. There is no one who seems to understand. I feel alone.

        • Jack says:

          I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I can’t even imagine how difficult it has been for you. But I do want to offer this, this is not happening because God wants it to happen. Contrary to what some people may think, not everything that happens in life is by God’s will or by His choosing. Your relationship with God is more important than anything else. He wants to fix your marriage, but more importantly He wants to have a relationship with you that will last regardless of the outcome of your marriage. So, please do not give up on your relationship with Him. You ask “where is God?” He is right there with you, ready and able to carry you through this storm.

  6. jackandjanet says:

    Steve, I’m very sorry for how difficult your situation has been for you. I can understand how this would have you feeling worn out. Please know that you should feel no guilt or condemnation for wanting to give up. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you, I have not been through a 3 year wait like you have. But, I do pray that you will bounce back from all this. I hope you will believe God for helping you move forward just as much as you have been believing for your marriage. And I would like to repeat my suggestion in this post. I believe the Divorce Care ministry would be just what you need right now.

    Be blessed of God and stay strong brother,
    Jack

  7. Temeria says:

    As I type this response my tears are running down my face. I have been married thirteen years we’ve been together a total of twenty-two years. We are currently seperated and I want nothing more than to make our marriage work. I am the one who made the choice to move out. I moved five minutes from the home my husband and I shared with our youngest child. Our child is living between us both but she is mostly with me. Where do I begin? As I stated I want nothing more than for my marriage to work. I love my husband, I’m in love with my husband and I desire to be with no one but him. I have tried to get him to do marriage counseling with my pastor and his wife he refused. He opted for secular counseling attended two sessions and stopped going. I am the one fighting for to save our marriage. I pray to God to save my marriage, I read God’s word concerning marriage.

    Signed, I love my husband and want our marriage to work.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Temeria, thanks for your comment. I hope you and your husband are able to rebuild your marriage. It sounds like your husband may be having a hard time dealing with his emotions and he is not sure how he should feel about what has happened. I know for us men it can be very difficult to come to terms with our emotions. We tend to to shut our feelings down in order to stay strong.

      If there is anything we can do just let us know. We would be glad to talk more with you through private email and perhaps your husband would be interested in reaching out to me that way.

      God bless,
      Jack

    • Becky says:

      I am so sorry! I do know what you are going through. My husband came home one day and said he wasn’t happy. I am trying everything to fix it but he just says no. We still live in the same house but separate rooms. I cry daily because I feel so lost and alone without him. I have been going to church reading the bible everyday to find peace for my self. I know it is in Gods hands and he will fix it in his own time. Then I feel what have I done for God to punish me so bad. I feel like I have lost my whole life. I just wish someone would help me. I pray everyday because I don’t know what else to do. Our Anniversary is in a week. And I know it will be a very emotional day for me.

      Thank you for listening
      I miss my husband

      • Tam says:

        Hi Becky, I can relate. My husband has disconnected from our marriage and is setting up life as a single person. He is preparing things while I am at work such as looking for documents to our house, banking info, even rummaged through my jewelry box looking for his wedding ring so he could sell it, yet he won’t be honest with me about what us going on, what he is planning or if he is having an affair. He won’t share what his unhappiness with me is about other than to generalize and criticize. He puts down my family and my faith in God and even me reading the Bible. He ignores me, won’t talk with me reasonably without fighting and yelling and doesn’t want to get counseling together. He has also separated himself from me by sleeping in the other room. Then I’ll come home, he’ll have dinner ready or some other gestures of caring about us. It brings me hope that he wants reconciliation, only to be silent the rest of the evening we spend together in the living room and still gets up and goes to bed in the other room. It is very confusing and heartbreaking. I miss my husband too. I turn to God but am finding it difficult to know what direction He wants me to take. I want us to have a happy marriage but my husband dies not express the same desires. I’m not sure what happened but we’ve been married 26 years and something changed when we moved near my family 4 years ago. We lived near his family for 23 years of our marriage. I pray for restoration of your marriage and for God’s Grace and Love for you. I know how much it hurts.

        • Jack says:

          Hi Tam,

          Thank you for commenting here. I know it is difficult to share sometimes, but we know it helps when others see they’re not alone.

          As for your own situation, the thing that jumped out to me is how you say your husband changed after you moved. Of course I don’t know all the details, but from your description it sounds like he may be feeling resentment. I don’t know, I may be wrong since I don’t know why you moved. Either way I would definitely say he is having some kind of internal struggle that he either doesn’t want to share or he doesn’t know how to share. As a believer, the thing you will want to do is see your husband as the Lord sees him, as someone who has lost his way and is hurting. I know you are hurting right now, so this is where your relationship with the Lord has to be what carries you through this. You must not look to your husband to fix your pain. Instead you have to think of yourself being a believer who has the secret that will fix his pain. Look to Jesus and the cross to draw your strength from. When Jesus was being beaten and having nails drove into His body, He took that pain knowing that His death was for the salvation of the very ones who were killing Him. That is the ultimate example of love that should challenge us all.

          So taking your focus off of the pain you’re feeling and focusing on what your husband is struggling with should be helpful to you. Then also look for ways you can show greater respect to your husband. Eph.5:33 shows us how the wife is commanded to respect her husband. This verse is not saying the wife is less than the husband. But it is giving insight into the husband’s greatest need from his wife. If you look closely you can see where males are always in search for respect. From the boys in a school yard all the way to the men in a board room. If you can tap into what makes your husband feel respected I believe you will see some breakthrough. Then hopefully you can find the source for why he is feeling resentment.

  8. Grace says:

    I just discovered my husband’s secret 8 year affair that resulted in a child. We’ve been married for 20 years and have 2 teens together. My husband is not willing to leave the other very much younger woman and wants me to accept things as they are. He wants both families to carry on as if nothing ever happened. I feel so hurt, cheated and insecure. I have not told my children about this as I do not want to affect them. I’m so alone in this. Will God help me?

    • jackandjanet says:

      Grace, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. And yes God will help you through it. He is always there for you and He wants to help you. The Lord may not be able to save your marriage because your husband has a free choice and God will not take that away from him. I hope you continue to pray and seek the Lord. I would hope you also seek some wise counsel. It is not good for you to allow this situation to continue, your husband will have to repent and work hard to restore your marriage, or you will have to move forward and end this marriage. You cannot allow him to have both and allow this to continue in your life. If and when your husband does repent and works to save your marriage, you will need to accept the child from this other woman just like Wendi did from our story of Redeemed Marriages “Amazing Grace- Redeeming Love.” I hope this helps, we will be praying for you.

      God bless,
      Jack

  9. I really thank you for this information. I am currently going through this situation now and it is heavy. However it has caused me to get closer God by praying more, fasting, and reading the word of God. I do have hope and will believe God’s flawless record. Therefore I do still have times when I want cry out to The Lord but I know it helps release frustration. Please keep me in your prayers that the enemy’s plan won’t work and God will be glorified through this because I know God don’t want to see the D word happen.

  10. Brittany says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I’m going through a very similar situation. My husband is currently deployed and announced a few months ago that he met someone online and wants out of our marriage (the person he met online is currently not talking to him). I have been going to a christian counselor, continuing church and praying like crazy! He is set to come home in less then a day and I am so nervous.

    He has said several times that he isn’t “in love” with me anymore and really wants to experience what he missed out when he married me. He says he will come back to the marital home because of the children (we have 4 under the age of 8) and he will go to marital counseling. However he only wants to go to marital counseling to learn how to communicate better for the children.

    I’m so lost, hurt and confused right now.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Brittany, we are praying for you and your husband. Hopefully the counseling will help turn his heart around. God can do it even when you don’t see how. we know it is confusing and emotions can be all over the place, those things are normal. Just keep pressing through this dark time, because the Lord promises to bring you through it.

      • Marlene says:

        Hi…my name is Marlene…I am currently separated…and some days it is soooo hard….I asked Dean (my husband) to leave…we were alcoholics and drug addicts…we are recovering …when I asked him to leave (a year ago)…he was still drinking and doing drugs…I had been completely sober for 9 months at that point. He now lives with his mother…I “think” he is doing much better…we both got caught for impaired…anyway…I still love him and I know he loves me…but he DOESN’T take our marriage vows seriously….he has always put everyone and everything ahead of me…Alos..money has always been a problem between us…If I needed help with bills…I would beg him…and still he would say No…then a day or two later, he would give me the money…the last time, before I asked him to leave. I asked for $20.00 for gas and he had a FIT!!!…then after ranting for a half hour or so… he THREW the money at me….I screamed at him…GET THE HELL OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We both have done A LOT of things before and during our marriage (while we were drinking and doing drugs) that hurt each other (we lived together for 16 years and married for 6 years , but separated for 1 yr…now ..
        I don’t know what to do…do I call him and invite him to my place to eat….or watch a movie or something…OR…do I NOT call him and wait for him to call me………….GOD help me…..please pray that GOD will heal our broken hearts …then whatever you feel led to pray…I know GOD doesn’t like divorce….(by the way this is my 2nd marriage)…I was married (when I was 19)..he had affairs with a sister of mine…(which by the grace of GOD, I have forgiven) and he was abusive…I left him after 51/2 years…we have 2 children from 1st marriage…Dean and I have none….

  11. Bernie says:

    I am so lost. I live every day waiting for her to leave. She is in love with someone else and cannot see that he is a bad man. I have to stay strong for the kids as she has started to stay away as much as possible. I have set boundaries. Telling her she cannot do this. She viewse as a bad guy who doesn’t understand her. She brings up stuff I did twenty years ago.
    She has looked into a divorce coach to see what to do. I believe she will try to go after school lets out as she is looking for real estate. Our marriage counselor has said she may have to leave to realize what she has. I pray every day for hours. I have started the distance and it is working. I don’t expect it to work out but I will never ever give up.

  12. Amit says:

    HI Jack and Janet, I am from India where there is no such thing as ministry and concept of marriage counselling is almost non-existent. But interfering people are many including the Govt.,irresponsible judicial system and corrupt police who only care about money. I am going through similar condition in life where after 5 years of rock solid marriage, suddenly, my wife’s priorities became different and she was ready to forget the responsibilities of a careful mother(we have a 3 yr old daughter) and a nice wife(ours was a passionate love marriage with enviable chemistry between us). She suddenly became too much eager to act in movies and modelling on the insistence of her own mother and my disapproval enabled her to find some morons who were very supportive of her actions simply because they always had eye on her physical beauty. Buoyed by this support,she thought I am standing on her way and refused to see logic in what I was saying and separated from me,took my daughter away and forgot all the marriage vows. After 1 yr. of my desperate effort and knocking at every door, I failed to get her glimpse and see my daughter even once.Then she suddenly filed for a draconian case prevalent in Indian Judicial system called 498a which immediately allows police to arrest the husband accusing him of being nuisance without any enquiry.I was put to jail and got bail after 7 days.Immediately after my release,I was handed over the sermons for another court case, Sec125 which states that I banished her along with my baby daughter from my home as I had some other affair and used to torture her for money, and asks for mandatory maintenance of abnormally high liimit for both my wife and my daughter.In one way,she has tied me up legally,has not given me Divorce,stopped all communication with my child,sent my baby daughter to a 3rd class boarding school and recently,I have got news that she has remarried one of my ex-colleagues and closed friends in a hush hush gathering.I left everything to God for the last 1 yr, hoping my wife and daughter to come back,but now this is what I have got.Now,I have to fight against my dearest wife to get myself out of this legal mess and present my honesty and truth to the court as I have to free my old, worried and scared parents out of this immense stress and trauma and have to free my daughter as well. I am confused now whether I am fighting for the truth or fighting against my wife.Irony is ,fate brought me to such a point where I have to hit my wife now for the future of a lot of people who r depending on me.And from heart, I still want my wife back in my life as I cant imagine even holding the hands of any other woman in my life.

  13. Rudy Reyes says:

    Jack and Janet,

    What a Godsend this was for me. Actually it was just confirmation from God. I have had a hard time letting go of my wife. I am in the US Navy and my wife left me 6 months ago while I was on deployment and it has just been hard and so painful. But I thank God that 6 months later I am in a much better place and I am so much closer to the Lord than I have ever been in my whole Chritian walk. As this article said I have to move on with my life and do as you have said show that I can move on and do what God has called me to do. As for my wife, she knows I want to reconcile and restore my marriage. I have made this known several times. Now I just have to let her go and let her live her life. Even though she is a Christian she does not want anything to do with God right now. All I can do is pray for God to draw her back to Himself and that she would choose to come back to me. We have three children and this has been extremely hard on them, but I am confident in the Lord’s promise to me the He will restore my marriage in His timing, not mine. Everything that has happened will be for the glory of God.

    “And we know that God causes everything to work togetherfor the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

    • jackandjanet says:

      Rudy, we are sorry to hear you are going through this and we are praying for you. Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to us to hear God is using us to bless others.
      Blessings!
      Jack

    • Julietta says:

      I feel your pain too and have also going through this with my husband. I’ve been the one causing pain and the one in pain in our marriage.
      I trust scripture, Romans 8.28 – and know it to be true. God Bless x

  14. Steve neff says:

    My wife and I are going through this after 19 years together. I don’t want to lose her. I have found a closer relationship with god because of it but sometimes I feel god just doesn’t care about me or my marriage.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Steve I’m sorry you are going through this. I know you are hurting and I hope your relationship with God will continue to comfort you and get you through this. I do believe God cares very much about your marriage, it’s just that sometimes He is limited in what He can do because the He has given everyone a free will and He will allow someone to do what they choose even if they choose to resist Him.
      We will be praying for you and your wife.
      Blessings!
      Jack

  15. Larry Barnett says:

    I am in the middle of this right now. I am the one who faltered. I want to save this we can save this my wife does not. She is angry wants no counseling. She is trying to get out. Have me move split everything. I was the one who had an online relationship. I was lonely. No communication. My wife is gone 3 nights a week me another 2 or 3. We lost each other our faith in each other. I don’t want this. I’m close to moving out. Everyone is telling me to give up. Our marriage is worth more than this. It can be saved. Help me please

    • jackandjanet says:

      Larry, I’m sorry I am just now responding. And I’m sorry you are going through this in your marriage. A few of thoughts I have for you are:
      First even if you do move out and separate, that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Marriages are being restored all the time even when there is a separation. And there have been many cases where marriages were restored after they were divorced. So, I say unless your wife has divorced you and remarried someone else, you can still believe for restoration in your marriage.
      Second, because you are the one who “faltered” I suggest when dealing with your wife it is okay to explain why you faltered just as long as you assume full responsibility for your own actions and not allow yourself to do any blame shifting.
      Third, allow this to be a time of brokenness and humility so that God can do His work in you. Too many times we want to get through the heartache as quickly as we can because it is so difficult and we loose sight of the important changes that need to take place in us through our trials. And regardless of what happens to your marriage, you will want to come through this as a better person on the other side. Then also through this time of humbly submitting yourself to the Lord, you may find that your wife’s heart has become soft again and that your marriage has renewed hope.
      We are praying for you.
      Jack

    • Larry Barnett says:

      Thank you Jack for the kind words. It is roller coaster right now. One minute everything is fine the next I’m told I’m still in limbo. Every day I’m getting better. It’s a long road but I feel alone on it sometime. I’m trying to take it all one day at a time. Still trying to be the best man I can be and the best father and the best boss to me my people. God is working here. I feel it. He has sent me so many people who are helping me. Keep faith and to not give up. I know it’s going to be hard. Anything worth it is. Either way I will ok with whatever path He chooses for me.

  16. cresentha says:

    Helllo wow I’ve red ur msg on marriage I am on the same track as u going thru so much I believe the lord wil restore my marriage in Jesus name I believe the lord change my husband I believe all ur words of encouragement r so powerful I wil use thm nd pray to the lord.

  17. Nicole says:

    Hi there,
    My marriage ended 2 years but we are not divorced. We have a 4 yr old daughter who lives with me and sees him part time. I reached out many time trying to go to marriage counselling and he would always decline. He has had a girlfriend for almost 2 years (yes he basically overlapped us). He says he is happy and does not want to fix our marriage. But we still have those moments where I know we are in love. I pray and pray and pray. I have given him the space, I have given everything to God yet I still feel like I’m stopped in time. I can’t move on, the pain is still brutal. I have tried to move on and I can’t. I am trying to accept Gods plan and trust in him but its so hard and so painful. We have lawyers and are slowly getting to a divorce. We just recently had our home signed over to his name solely. We go to court In July to finalize the divorce. I want to save our marriage! We were so young and needed to learn lots. We have a beautiful daughter and I don’t think our marriage was for nothing.

  18. Jon says:

    Yes my wife has told me that she is no longer in love with me. We will be married 7 years in a few months, we have three young children and I love her very much. I was not the husband I should have been and took her and a lot of things for granted. I lied about finances and treated her very poorly, at times I made her feel more like we were room mates than anything. Back in January she moved out into her house that we still owned, I want nothing more than to become and different person and for us to have a happy marriage full of love. I pray so much and read the Bible daily. I pray for strength and God’s wisdom daily. When she first moved out she would ask me to come to her house, we would be like nothing ever happened. As time went by I stayed there all the time, I am still staying there but she has become so cold and hardly ever speaks to me. I am afraid she has an interest in someone else and now I do not know what to do. I will not stop loving her and I will not give up on her and us. I don’t know if I should move back to my own house or what. She has not told me to leave which I do not understand at all. I feel like if she can’t stand being around me then why does she just let me stay. I try so hard everyday but feel like I get rejected. I now understand how I made her feel for so long. I just want her to know that I see how I made her feel and I am so so sorry. However I do not want to beg her. I tell her I have faith in us and that I will wait for as long as I have to too win her love back and for us to have a happy marriage. I guess I do not know what to do. I feel like if I move back to my house I will be out of sight and out of mind. The other part of me wonders if I do if it will open her eyes up. I just don’t know. Thank you for your article.

  19. JSummer says:

    My husband and I met online March 2009. I was in my final year of medical school all the way in Sri Lanka. He was from Dallas, TX, USA. We started out as friends. I would study with Skype on, just so he could watch me. He was in marketing, and was passionate about music, and I would watch him in the studio. We were friends, and slowly built a connection. In May 2009, he moved to Miami, FL, and we lost contact for about 6 months, until one day in November, a message popped up on my screen. That was the start of it all… the LOVE BUG, if you will.

    In August 2010, I had to fly to the US to complete one of the steps of the United States Medical Licensing Exam (USMLE Step 2CK) so I could practice medicine in the US. There, we met for the first time, and I felt such a strong connection, it was amazing. It truly felt like God brought us together.

    We continued talking after I came back to Sri Lanka. I was working as an intern in a very busy hospital but still managed to find the time to go to Miami, FL once more in June 2011. I stayed till October 2011. It was wonderful. I’d been in terrible relationships before and he was refreshing to be with. He treated me like a queen. We had our moments, but, all in all, the chemistry was fantastic. We shared the same hopes and dreams. I wanted to finish my residency in Pediatrics there and then come back to Sri Lanka. He wanted the same.

    I had to return to Sri Lanka in October 2011 for various reasons. We continued to talk, and then one day in April 2012, he said he didn’t want me in his life anymore. I couldn’t believe it. It tore me apart. He blocked me from Facebook (which doesn’t seem much of a big deal now, but did at the time!)…

    However, a month later we were talking and laughing and making plans, trusting God to make them a reality. Things were normalizing…we even talked about having kids, and where they would go to college. Naive maybe, but every plan was put in place, with God in our hearts.

    In January 2013, he mailed me saying he was going to come to Sri Lanka in May of that year. In effect, he proposed to me (online!). There were some complications along the way, and he even lost his job, trying to apply for leave. But his exact words were: “I want to have a successfuI career and a successful family life with you Marie…” and that was that. He came to Sri Lanka in May 2013, and we got married. Unfortunately, none of his family could make it because he didn’t want a lot of people to know. I don’t know if that was a RED FLAG.

    He returned to Dallas, TX at the end of May 2013. And married life began… ONLINE! We had started on the visa process that would allow me to come to him. We looked for houses, jobs, etc.

    Until March of this year….

    I believe I was to blame for all this as well — my friend was going through a nasty separation/divorce following infidelity on her husband’s part. Her situation was almost exactly the same as mine, only he lived in England, and her’s was a traditional arranged marriage. I started comparing my husband with her husband, and telling my husband about it. It drove him away. I kick myself in the behind every day for that. This happened in March, and soon after, he said he didn’t love me like he used to anymore, and I’d be better off away from him. He said he “didn’t see a future for this marriage beyond this point”…. it broke my heart.

    He stopped talking to me, blocked my number, stopped working on the visa that would allow me to be with him. I visited him in Dallas, TX in May for our first anniversary, thinking we could work things out. Unfortunately out of the 24 days I was there, I managed to see him for 5 days. The rest of the time, I didn’t know where he was. I stayed with my wonderful in-laws who were not in contact with him either.

    I came back to Sri Lanka, after my husband and I finally talked and agreed to give it one more shot (the night before I was supposed to fly back to Sri Lanka). It was a half-hearted shot on his part, but I was giving it my all.

    We were talking again, and making a few plans here and there. His plan was to visit Japan in January 2015 to work on his music. I supported him fully, and I made it known in every way I could. Unfortunately, that whole feeling of insecurity started creeping up on me again, when I felt he was being unfaithful.

    8 days ago, he stopped talking to me.

    The Lord knows my heart. He knows how much this man means to me, and how much I meant to him. We were so much in love. All I want is for him to love me again, and come back to me.

    Please please pray for me. I want this marriage to last. I can’t imagine a life without him.

  20. Julietta says:

    An answer to prayer – Praise God. The victory belongs to The Lord.

    I’m going through this after I was the one that thought I wanted my marriage over. I changed my mind but now my husband is in the position I was in and he is the one wanting to move on without me – we are separated. I totally understand where he is coming from but also know that we (I) have alowed the enemy to get a foothold into our marriage to destroy it. I’m praying from mighty warriors of The Lord to restore our marriage to one that belongs to Him. By His stripes we are healed. Praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.
    Amen x

    • jackandjanet says:

      Missy thank you for sharing your comment. It is very encouraging to know our ministry is helping.

      God bless!
      Pastor Jack

  21. jolieliz says:

    I just want to add a bit of encouragement to those who are standing. I myself am standing for the restoration of my marriage, and I’m two years into it. God has performed miracle after miracle confirming He is actively working to save my marriage and my spouse. There are too many confirmations to list here! Don’t be discouraged when you hear others say that your spouse has their own free will. Yes, they do, but don’t discount our mighty God who has an awesome way of rearranging circumstances to get our attention! Ever heard of Saul(Paul), or Jonah, just to name a few? Rest assured our God is speaking to your prodigal spouse and will get their attention if you continue in His will and obey His word. Just don’t give up! Weariness is a tactic of the devil. Let Jesus renew your strength daily and just as the post states above, hold onto your hope! Is His arm shortened that it cannot save?(Isaiah 59:1) Have bulldog tenacity just like the parable of the widow did that Jesus told of. Keep on praying, asking, and seeking, and you will get the desires of your heart. God’s timing is perfect. God bless!

    • Starlight says:

      Thank you, Jolieliz for posting your comment. I am currently separated from my husband (or should I say he has separated his self from me) for 4 1/2 months now. It has been so hard and every weekend seems to get harder! I hate feeling like I’m struggling with my faith. I KNOW God can do the IMPOSSIBLE…but on days like today….I forget how good our God is! and you are right, God’s timing IS perfect…I have to be patient!

    • That sounds like wonderful news!

      I know God can overrule any human will, or else man’s will would be greater than God’s, and therefore all things would not be possible with God, that is, all things are possible to God, except overruling the will of man.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much! I needed to read this. I’ve been praying for healing of hearts and minds For Both Of us. I see some signs of change but my wife still wants to leave.

  23. Evelyn says:

    My husband and I are currently separated. He filed for divorce and will be finalizing soon. I don’t want my marriage to end but I am tired of being the only one fighting for it. We have only been married for a little over two years and have separated a few times. We both have children but not any from each other. This time he says its over and then once when I tried to talk to him said I can wait two years until his daughter goes to college. I felt so hurt that he could be willing to be just fine without me and is basically telling me my daughter is more important. I understand children are important, I just believe that God first, then your marriage, then children. Christian people I talk to keep telling me well if God didn’t put you together then it’s never going to work. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” I have a hard time believing this as I feel people change the bible to their convenience. As much as I want this marriage to work, I am tired and honestly don’t have hope of restoration. I am not willing to wait until his daughter has gone to college so then he can decide to be with me. I should be good enough now not then.

  24. missy says:

    I just ask anyone reading this to say a prayer for me and my marriage. We are separated, just sold our house and he still doesn’t know if he wants a divorce. I am at my lowest time ever. I pray all day every day but it doesn’t seem to be enough. I just want my husband and my life back. I keep praying that God will soften his heart and keep it open for me but i am losing hope. This is a pivotal time, please pray for us.

  25. miguel says:

    I’m in those shoes right now .to be honest it hurts really bad to go through all this my wife she’s doesn’t believe in god and that’s what makes this harder .I keep praying for my family to not fall apart for God to fix this and bring glory to him and to her eyes for her to see that his real . I’m a believer and I turned my life to him . I feel calm I know his in control of everything few months ago my prayers was for him to break her down and show him that she needs Jesus in her life and few days ago I got this new about the divorce that maybe his way of showing her
    I keep praying that he brings this family together and blessings to our kids thank you for you words I’ll keep them in mind 🙂 have a great day God bless you all

  26. Ebrahim says:

    Hi my wife and I mariad in 2007 we have two beautifull daughters whom we both love but in 2013 she went to police coledge to become a police woman and that’s when we started havin problems when she chated with her instructer in 2014 may we seperated and I ‘,ow they had an affiar for a woman that loved me so much it jst change overnite she not herself I hav a strong believe there somthing ungodly about all this now he training is done I think he whants nothing to do with her anymor cause he hav a fiance I still love my wife and want to fix my marriage I need help for our love to grow back and the two of us to reconcile

  27. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for posting this. This message really touched me and I pray my spouse finds the happiness he deserves. This is very difficult to go through but I know that God will be my strength and my help.

  28. Chad Alexander says:

    Im going through this right now and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. God has been doing great things in me, I have been fighting seperation but maybe through god this is the only way god will find his way into my wifes heart. We are currently living seperated in our house with our children. I pray in the end god will restore our marriage.

  29. Sean says:

    Wow. So powerful. My wife and I are separated and she has connected w someone else within months ( an old friend). She has stated he is her future, without hesitation. Yet, I love her and our boys so much and God has placed on my heart to stand for this marriage and family regardless. In this brokenness I’ve seen all that is possible and where we, and I, failed to create a God-centered marriage. Thank you, again, for the message.

  30. Jin says:

    I think it’s sad when spouse’s move on to another person, leaving their families behind. It’s selfish and ungodly. Each spouse leaves for a reason, whether it was a specific experience or multiple ones that have added up over time. I begged, pleaded and cried out to God, only to be met with the same rejection from my spouse, “I will never be with you again!” Obviously, my husband was upset, angry and hurt throughout our marriage which led to his decision to separate.
    I didn’t agree to it, but the truth is, is that there was obviously a problem that I refused to see earlier on. My husband cheated and I forgave him…but not really. Looking back I had to be honest with myself, though I loved him and I stayed, I did’t truly forgive him. Instead I held it against him and lacked trust and more importantly respect for my husband.
    I know it’s tough to hear, but choosing to truly forgive is not justifying their actions, its making a choice to truly, sincerely, forgive. We can all write about how sad and disappointing we are about the other spouse leaving, but we really have to reflect on why they left…not to cast all the blame on ourselves, but to see if the way we treated our spouse lines up with the word of GOD. No…my husband was not a nice guy, but did I pray over my marriage? Did I live a GODLY lifestyle? Was I an example to my husband of GOD’s love? NO…and that’s o.k!
    You have to accept the reality in what is going on and you will cry. Your heart will hurt. You will be emotionally incapacitated. Your mind will wonder and there will be people who will encourage you to leave, stay and just go mad. But, at the end of the day, you have no choice but to put your faith in GOD. It is his will for a marriage to be saved and divorce pains him, but we are all free agents. Give it 100% to GOD and focus on yourself and what you can do to be a better person and see yourself how Christ sees you.
    When you are stressing…hurting…anxious…on an emotional roller coaster, the other person isn’t going to see the value in you. Who wants to walk with someone that you reminds you of nothing but bad feelings? This article is perfect, because it does give you the reality…it may not work. What are you going to do then? All you can do is live according to his will. Walk in faith. Walk in his light and it will shine through you and outward.
    Pray for that person continuously that GOD will intervene in their life. But for you, pray for strength and wisdom and to grow spiritually…then…just like the Romans scripture, everything will work according to his plan….

    • missy says:

      You are so right. I am the one who left in October because my husband was not being a nice person. I then regretted it and have been waiting for him to want to fix this. 6 months later I still wait. It is the worst emotional roller coaster than any one person should ever have to bear. I swear the death of a spouse would be easier than this. He filed a legal separation last week, he says,to protect each other financially while we see where this goes because he doesn’t want a divorce yet. I have been pretty strong til this, it sent me over the edge. I called him screaming and sent a barrage of nasty emails that i know i should not have sent. I dont want to agree, but fighting it and refusing to sign will only make things worse right? I came back and read this site tonight to give me strength again. I was at the end today, i cried all day, i literally found myself on my knees on the living room floor begging God to help me I feel so lost and alone I just dont know how to be strong as the article says. I know its best but i feel so hurt and weak and low I wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up. No i am not suicidal, I just don’t know how to cope with this hurt and loneliness.

      • Jin says:

        Missy,

        I know exactly what you’re going through. I left my husband in October and have begged and pleaded to get him back. He warned me that if “I said it was over” again, that he would leave me and he did just that. But, how could I stay with someone who didn’t realize that they had anger issues? I know that you are holding on and you are praying. I have found myself locked up in a room, crying so hard that my chest hurts. Lifting my hands and crying out to GOD. I know that everyone is free agent, but it doesn’t mean that GOD can’t sent men/women of GOD to minister and council him through your prayers.
        My best advice, is to leave him alone. Allow him to have space and respect that space. He’s hurting as well and doesn’t know how to show it in the way that he should be communicating with you. There’s not guarantee that he will come back and I know that, that’s not what you want to hear. But if you left just like I did, he lacks the ability to understand why you left (holding himself accountable) and most likely, blames you. You have 0% chance of winning him back by being negative and wanting to attack him. You will only remind him of why he doesn’t want to come back to you.
        You have a 50% chance of winning him if you remind him how amazing you are. How do you do that? You leave him alone and focus on you! He’ll call you when he’s ready to communicate. He’s not divorcing you and there’s not too much benefit in him being married at this time.
        You don’t know what’s going on in his head or what he’s doing. But, bugging him, pleading, crying and focusing on the “why’s” isn’t going to bring him back. I can’t say what the future holds, but I am going through this with you and I know how you feel. I still cry to this day. He is still searching for answers for himself in whether or not he wants to be with you. So…focus on you. Be positive. If he chooses to walk away (and trust me that’s not what I want for you and me), understand that you fought, you grew and you are an amazing and beautiful person because of it. If you ever need a friend that you need to cry to, please email me at any time…I totally get:)

        • missy says:

          Thank you so much. The anger is exactly why i left and no he doesnt get that. You have it exactly. thank you for the support and understanding.

        • missy says:

          How do i get your email? I think i need a person on the outside to help me, to be sort of like an aa buddy to help me control myself when i feel like contacting him.

          • Erica says:

            Jin and Missy,

            My situations is also very similar. I left because of my husband’s temper, pregnant at that time. I could not image bringing a child into such chaos. Unfortunately, I miscarried, and was hurt even more when my husband still refused to show support. I know exactly how you feel. Some days are better than others. I am praying for you! God is in control, and that’s what keeps me going. I know that my responsibility is to LIVE for GOD! I keep a prayer on my heart. I keep my mind on God, and that is what gets me through. I love my husband, and I so badly want us to reconcile. However, I realize, that without God orchestrating this situation, I will end up in the same situation. No matter how it hurts, and how I want it to work, I realize that it must be God’s way. I am learning to completely give it over to God, and focus on me. I am determined for God to get the glory out of every situation in my life. I remind myself that God loves me! He loves you! God wants us to have the very best, and the best is worth waiting for! This will be a testimony for us all. I am believing that God will make something great out of our situations, but we must trust God. We must pray for each other!

            • Missy says:

              Erica, i know this reply is late, i try to find strength but i always end up back here to read others stories, to cry and try to give myself some solace. I am sorry for what you have went thru. Theres nothing worse than loving someone so much it hurts, yet they dont seem to love you the same. Some days i feel strength and i know God will do what is best and i try to have faith..other days i am weak and i literally find myself on my knees asking God why me, why cant he make it better….i will pray for you and everyone else that finds themselves here hurting…

        • Beverly says:

          I love your email. My story is so similar. It’s been 6 years we’ve been apart. Two years divorced. I love him still. There’s been so much negative, fighting, hurts and reaction. He dated 4 women when we separated and moved in and bought a house 8 months after he met the last one. We were not divorced yet. I understand his turning to someone else. I did too but never did I move in with anyone and he’s always known I want to work on putting our family together. Ive raised our girls pretty much as a single parent. He’s put himself and new gf first. He is angry and blames me for everthing. I know I have to accept and let him go. Give him to God. I’m so tired.

          • Jin says:

            Beverly,

            The key that you mentioned is that your husband is angry and blames you for everything. There was a breaking point that he could no longer deal with the hurt nor deal with pain.
            At some point, it seems that he feels as though he has failed and when we fail, it’s easier to point the finger at the other person.
            Look at Adam and Eve…Eve blamed Satan and Adam blamed GOD.
            It’s a continuous cycle unless one takes a POSITIVE stand. It’s not fair to you or your children, but at the same time, having 3-4 failed relationships only confirms that there is an unsettling spirit within him.
            You could spend a lifetime trying to understand the if’s and why’s. But the fact that you still love him, shows your unfailing loyalty and forgiveness that no other woman can give him. In proverbs 3:5-6 the bible says; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.
            What does that really mean? It means to not question. Not worry. Not wonder. Not ponder another minute for something that you cannot understand. It leaves nothing but confusion and more of a longing for someone who has issues deeper than what you can understand.
            It means to trust in God with all your heart…that means, when he makes your paths straight…you walk differently, you talk differently. You talk with peace, love and mercy. You turn the other cheek and you smile in the face in adversity. What I hear from your email, is that you are still arguing with him. What is the point of arguing with a person who believes they’re always right and blames you? None.
            Ask GOD to bring peace, love and that the Hold Spirit surrounds you that your light house brings your lost ship home.
            Be positive. Be gracious. Allow him to trust you with his heart by showing love and compassion. You don’t have to take his negativity, but you don’t have to respond to it either.
            Pray for him daily. Pray peace that surpasses understanding. Pray healing of his heart and joy in his soul.
            More importantly, be the light, love and grace that attracts him like a moth to the flame. Everyone wants to be loved and feel loved. Everyone wants to know that they can trust in their partners embrace. Build that trust with kindness and confidence in GOD.

  31. Kris says:

    I am heartbroken as my husband says “He loves me but is not in love with me.” Or “He loves me but doesn’t like me.” He doesn’t want to be with me. So no interest whatsoever and is absent from the house because he says he can’t stand to be around me… We have a two year old and 6 month old… There are days where I want to fight for my artiste and days where I question if o should just give up. I will be keeping your article handy and reminding myself of the positive things you’ve mentioned.

  32. tanya says:

    How can I fight for my marriage? My husband lives out of state with another female close to his family. I wouldn’t mind the wait so much, but my desire is to be married and have a family with my husband. I’m almost through my child barren years.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Tanya it is our hope and prayer that your fight for your marriage will be done through prayer and willingness to follow the Lord’s direction for you. Every situation is unique in it’s own way, but God is able to guide your steps if you will let Him.

  33. I am going through a divorce that i do not want, my husband of 25 years shocked me by having me served while we still lived together and left the same day I was served. It’s been over 2 months now and we are pleasant to each other but I am so hurt and sad I miss him terribly and want my marriage back. I am a Christian but I feel so far from the Lord. I go to a wonderful church and read the bible but I just don’t feel the Lord’s presence and that is horrible for me. I pray and pray but most times the comfort I used to feel isn’t there. I know sometimes God is quiet to teach us to trust him and not our feelings but boy oh boy I sure do need to feel his comfort right now. It scares me some that like maybe I’m not saved and I know the devil puts these thoughts and doubts in our minds.I’m just struggling with this and my divorce and I feel so beaten down.Of you could give me some insight to this and prayers for us both I would be truly greatful…Thank you do much for taking time to read this.

  34. tj says:

    I to am in the same boat
    I cant cope any more the chemistries gone and i honestly feel rejected because i cant make him understand so ive come away and now im staying with my mother which has been relaxing because im not walking in egg shells all the time.

  35. Anthony says:

    I’m struggling through this. I messed up so bad in my marriage and my wife has made it clear she wants to divorce. Do I give it to her? Or do I fight? It said open the door but that’s the door she wants.

  36. Tonya says:

    3 months ago after 33 yrs of marriage my husband divorced me. For yrs we had gotten away from church I picked up a bad habit, drinking. I’m not taking full blame but he did beg me to quit an I couldn’t. I was only having a drink or two during the week a few more on the weekends didn’t see were I was hurting anyone. We got to were we fought all the time; verbally. I ended up sleeping in spare room. He said hee was done I got tired of blamed for everything so I left. At the tune I thought this was the only thing I could do to save our marriage; we were starting to hate one another. Then reality hit me..I started praying, pleading with God an with my husband. My husband said he was filling for divorce an against all my begging he did. I didn’t sign the papers. we’ve not been together in a year. He’s still not seeing anyone, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to hurt me an hee can’t move forward because I wont. I drove to our house last night to see him, first time seen each other in like 3 months. He kept telling how buetifull I was an how much I’ve changed as a person. He said I’d become the person hee always wanted me to be. I asked him if he would give us another chance. He just said hee didn’t want to, not now. That he wanted me to let go, he didn’t want to hurt me but his plan was be with someone. He keeps saying he feels like he’s still with me an can’t move on till I do. If we hug or touch he says he Cant handle it cause end up in bed an back together. I know for sure he’s attracted to me, I just. don’t to do… One good thing came of this..I’m back in church praise God !!…. Need advise please

  37. Peter says:

    As I’m reading all these stories. I feel for all those affected by what separation and divorce bring.

    I am currently going through a separation myself. It’s been eight months. I also faltered and chose to walk out because I felt so lost, confused and lonely. I thought about other woman because my wife and I hadn’t been close for years. We have been married for five years and together for fourteen.
    Even at the end she was pleading with me, crying but I chose to ignore.
    Eight months on, I saw her for the first time and all the emotions came back of why I love her. Why I married her. Why I desperately want her back in my life.
    She wants time to think and is confused. I don’t blame her. It was me that threw what we had away.
    I’m struggling to deal with things and don’t know where to start or how to go on.
    I told her I’d like to start again and date. Get to know her and fall in love. Even go to marriage counselling instead of throwing away what we have.
    There’s little communication because I want to give her that space after I dropped that bombshell of reconciliation.
    How are other people dealing with there situations?
    I need some help. I live alone and when I come home from work, I feel I’m all alone with nothing but my thoughts and regrets.
    I need some inspiration in my life.

    • Tanya Kerr says:

      Ok good help however I have a few questions when you say that the Lord will not go against the spouses chose well what about our choice I geuss what am asking is I want my marriage and he doesn’t so how does the Lord handle that I mean you say hes not gonna go against the spouses choice so what is He gonna Go Against Mine ? Dont understand what you really mean so he hears him not me really whats the point then ? Another thing ive hust found out that he is married in another country to the mother of his children and is with her now Ive Spoken To a lawyer and he said the marriage from Honduras is not valid over here in the u.s. so basically hes legally married to us both not committing bigomy because of us residing in different countries she says she too is christian so how to pray for my marriage im not sure exactly what to say I know I want my marriage with my husband and I refuse to give up but how do you pray the other woman out

    • Moricia says:

      I am in exactly the same situation… have you managed to find a way how to deal with it? have you reconciled??? i feel lost too

  38. Cathy Perez says:

    My husband moved out in June of ’14. There wasn’t another woman. He said he was done, that we were over; that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He refused all counseling requests from me. But he’s still around a lot. He dates me, he buys me things, he takes care of me financially, but he insists that there is no hope of us ever reconciling. I asked him “what about for better or for worse?” His reply to me was “I just can’t pull that off”. Emotionally he checked out years ago. We have been married for 22 1/2 yrs. Why does he still spend time with someone who he never again wants to live with?

  39. Susan says:

    I love that people are fighting for marriage, as my heart still belongs to my high school sweetheart and husband, however after a long term marriage he left for unhappiness and has now re married someone else, I still pray for the reconciliation of our marriage and I am wondering if you think that is not right in Gods eyes, since he is,married to another it is confusing and my heart still feels like one flesh… thanks for your thoughts, God Bless you and your ministry-Susan

  40. Rich says:

    I am still fighting for my marriage as well. In the last year, my wife has had two online affairs, and the jealousy consumed me to the point where she said she no longer loves me. After the first affair, she was devestated that I found out but my anger was overwhelming to her as I was just a mean person for the next couple of months. I pulled it together and have been a loving husband to her for the last 8 months or so but my ability to not trust her has been a primary reason for her to harden her heart towards me. We are now seperated and she wants to only deal with me when it involves the kids. She no longer will do counseling but she said the last time that she has not felt this independent and alive in years. Apparently before she had the affairs, she was unhappy but I didn’t know about it. Both of us have developed drinking problems over this last year which is another factor in us not thinking clearly. I have spent my alone time gambing which is eventually going to casue us more problems if I don’t stop but it is an escape for me. I miss her terribly, but I have tried to give her all the space she needs. We are both christians, but not actively participating in church which is something I plan to do on my own and with the kids when I have them beginning this week. I have very little hope left, but I still love my wife and want to keep the little hope I have alive. Please help me find my way, away from the alcohol and gambling and away from the constant thinking about her.

  41. bandd says:

    We’ve been married 6 months and our breakup has been terrible. Please pray for him to come back to me. For there to be redemption, restoration, peace, and forgiveness. This has been so hard. Thank you

  42. Bill says:

    I’ll be married 19 years today 18th July 2015. But since Feburary 25th this year my wife had me served with a court order, which technically made me homeless that fateful night. Our marriage has been a rollercoaster of up’s and down’s for 5 years after I admitted to having an emotional affair online with a girl I knew from school on Facebook, and the irony is during school we hardly ever spoke of were remotely interested in each other. I love my wife with all my heart, but I’ve betrayed her trust. through the course of five years there has been good times, but also eruptive situations which time wouldn’t permit me to explain here. Long story short ….. in January this year we had an exchange of words which resulted in more arguments, I went to embrace her and hold her but she pushed me away and kept covering her face and head as though I was going to hit her or something, that really worried me, it was as though she was told to do this or something. It was a real kick in the teeth as I was only trying to hold her, but instead received this treatment from her. I was enraged and spat in her face. Within weeks after the incident I was served with the court order.

    We have been separated for over 4 months now without any signs of reconciliation. The court order stipulates that I can’t return to our marital home, I can have no contact with her in any way, but I still have access to our seven children. I had been in a backslidden state for about 6 years and during that time I constantly resisted any attempts from my wife to return from to the Lord, through my disparaging and cynical unspiritual arrogance I was displaying that time. I since have returned to the Lord for his grace and help as nothing humanly speaking seems to be helping. I have embraced prayer and church life again which I neglected for so long to the detriment of the spiritual education and nurture of my family. I detest myself for this. I asked for the Pastor and Elder of the church to act as mediators between us but nothing has made her soften her heart toward me, and during the last meeting the Pastor and Elder had with her, she had told them that she had proceeded with divorce proceedings, but has halted the proceedings as she needs to make sure she isn’t sinning in doing so. I was also told by them that she has hardened her heart against me, and that the love and trust has gone.
    I acknowledge my apologies are only worthy of their weight in action. But since our breakup, I have tried in the very limited capacity I have left available to me to convey that I am here for my wife and our children. And continually endeavour to be a better husband and father, but my hands are firmly tied and I am so limited and restricted at this present time. I pray she would consider my course of action since I was removed from our home. I didn’t harass her, stalk her, revile her, or caused others to revile her. I didn’t demand my rights, but rather relinquished my rights so that hers were upheld. I didn’t choose the path that most men would have taken, but instead I chose the ways of peace and of Christ. I showed her compassion, I continually made myself available to her and in all the various things she requested from me from the time of break up, whereas countless other men in my situation I’m sure would have done the complete opposite. Whether or not she has acknowledged my spirit in these things, the Lord certainly does.

    I have begged and pleaded to the Lord to forgive my sinfulness and that He would by His Grace redeem my marriage back to its former glory and that we would serve Him as a family again. I fear that my wife is also being groomed online and I feel totally helpless to prevent this. Its a very distressing and heartbreaking situation I have found myself plunged into, its harrowing, its like mourning a death or worse like that of a kidnapped child, its killing me. Every day I feel as I’m experiencing a very slow painful death. The other problem I’m facing is that her family members have interfered and are because they have no regard for Godliness but have other agendas that would dissuade her away from me. And the longer this separation is prolonged, I fear that she is getting used to the idea of no longer having me around.

    I would sincerely ask all who read this sort synopsis of my story would pray to the Lord on my behalf, that God would turn this whole thing around for His own glory and that the stranglehold of Satan would be released.

    I appreciate all your prayers and thoughts last any any advice in how to cope with this during this dark time in my life.

    Bill

    • Joni says:

      Hi Bill. Read your heartbreaking story on ReedingMarriages. Felt I just had to reply to your post because I know exactly what you are talking about. Even though my partner and i are still living together, she is always threatening to leave me and take the children along with her.
      I’m also in a situation where my wife is getting advice from people who have absolutely nothing to do with God. She has surrounded herself with people who have not accepted Jesus in their lives and I know that some are telling her to leave me. These people include her mother and some of her friends. They have managed to lead her away from the Godly lifestyle she used to live. You won’t believe a few years ago my wife actually used to conduct prayer meetings in our neighbourhood. Suddenly she stopped praying and our relationship began to suffer.
      Through influence of her mother she has gone back her idolatry practices in order to ‘protect’ herself and children. This has also been a cause of many arguments between us. She has developed a really nasty temper for me and verbal abuse against me and the children is the order of the day around the house. She will get really abusive for weeks and later complain that i no longer show her enough love and affection.
      She does as she pleases around the house without even speaking to me. Any respect she had for me has flown out the window. Hardly a week goes without us having a serious argument and her wanting out and sometimes telling me she no longer loves me. Just like you this space won’t allow me to explain in full detail everything that goes on in the relationship. I believe it’s through my prayers and the grace of God that after so many months of fights we are still living under the same roof.
      I believe, actually I know, that there are spirits inside her that are working to destroy our marriage. She also has unresolved daddy issues. Every time I ask her to get counselling from the church she refuses. But I’m not giving up as I know that only God can deliver her from her anger issues and behavioural problems. I can see that you really value your wife and marriage. My humble advice to you, never stop praying and believing. Also seek counsel and prayers from God’s men and women who have been anointed with the power of prayer. Their prayers, coupled with your faith will see you through. We are the only ones holding on because we believe in our God who has promised us that nothing is impossible to those who believe. Continue crying to him sincerely with all of your heart and He will give you the victory you are looking for. Satan will be defeated. May God be with you and your wife.

    • Lebogang Motale says:

      My Brother Hang in there. Your situation is exactly the same as mine since the 23 June 2015. Have 2 kids. The fifteen year old son left with the mother but in October came back to live with me permanently. Nothing is impossible for God. Pray, pray, pray.

  43. Bill says:

    Divorce is a most devastating and destructive evil to befall any family, and that has been made so encouragingly easy and appealing by today’s apostate church philosophy and also which is shamelessly glamourized by the world of celebrity and by the godless secular humanistic reasoning of the day. And without due warning or any proper conscious consideration, countless marriages have fallen needlessly headlong into all sorts of lifelong and devastating miseries and regrets, which divorce carries with it in its wake. It has also been described as the sin of unforgiveness. Christ said the reason divorce even existed was because of the hardness of the heart. Where most marriages no matter how beyond repair they seem, are and can be restored, with proper Christian support and prayer, and above all the ‘Spirit of forgiveness’, which is of Christ. For a bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench.

    Pray against the spirit of divorce

    Written by Me

  44. Elle says:

    This is a wonderful site! Thank you for all the deep thoughts of everyone. My husband left me about 2 years ago to be with someone who was divorced and 5 grown children . We only have one grown son. We have a 30 year relationship and 27 years of marriage. I filed for a legal separation fearing that he will be spending everything to that mistress which he already did and he said it’s his money . We have a mediation coming up and he requested through his lawyer to change the file to divorce. That mistress knows that he is married and vowed to keep my husband and my marriage/family destroyed. What has convinced me throughout this heartbreak ordeal that even though I have prayed sincerely, pleaded, etc with God and my husband, that I am and will be alone in this ordeal . God and husband both left me to do this alone. I don’t deny God , I believe in him, however I really do think he has abandoned me like my husband. I am the only one fighting!

    • Anonymous says:

      you feel alone and I “get that” but faith is having hope in what is unseen and it is tough sometimes, but God can take it…cry out to Him, tell Him everything and He hears , I promise He hears you- unfortunately we can’t lean on our understanding and the worldly view…and sometimes this world can seem pretty lonely and desperate but hang onto Gods word…cling to Him I will say a prayer for you right now I know what your going through, my husband & I together 33yrs married 28 when he left I miss him and our family whole everyday..God Bless You

    • Jin says:

      I just wanted to take the time to comment on everyone that is holding on to their marriage as I was one still waiting for my husbands return. Stop putting so much emotional effort into a person who does not value you in the same way that you value you them. It’s not as though GOD has left you, it’s simply that you are not listening. The focus is too much on what your husband has done, is doing and will be doing in addition to what this woman has done, is doing and will be doing.
      What about you? How do you see yourself? Allow me to tell you what I do know from reading your comment. You are a loyal woman who stands behind her man. You are obviously forgiving and empathetic. You believe in GOD, which means you value life, have faith in possibilities, hopeful and have some moral standards. You have a (1) child who is old enough to be somewhat independent. You know what this tells me…it tells me that you have everything and so much more. You have the independence to travel the world. You have the ability to go work out, to look and feel your best! You have a heart to give back to your child and society. You have these amazing gifts and yet the one person you want to see it, is your husband.
      I know you want him in your life…and maybe you should hold on, but the truth is, is by letting go and truly letting GOD decide whats best for you, is the seriously the best thing you can do. GOD can’t move when you refuse to let go, and your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on whether or not he comes back. You have more of chance of getting him back when you focus on what makes you happy and makes you a better version of you. Maybe by then, you will realize the true value that even I, a stranger reading your post sees, that you won’t want him any more, when you see how incredible you are.
      Let GOD work in your life the way he needs to. LET GO! 🙂

  45. Jennifer says:

    Laura, am really sorry to know you are going through such pain and feeling far from God’s comfort. I pray for you and your family that God will bring you the comfort you need as well as a much needed miracle.

  46. Susan says:

    I’m now in this position. It’s fresh, just a week old & my husband & I are separated but under the same roof. I’m standing while he’s looking for every reason to leave. He has an emotional affair that he says he’s ended, but his unwillingness to be transparent provides me no proof & stands to threaten any chance at repair. He believes she just may be a fantasy to him that would never work, but the happiness she brings makes him aware of how unhappy he is with me & how wrong our marriage is. He has no faith that our marriage can ever work & he says we are not compatible anymore & likely never were. He’s said he doesn’t think he loves me & is definitely not in love with me. He fears nothing will change in our marriage & that he has changed into a different man who I don’t even know & he doesn’t want me to know. He feels he’s been following God & God has guided him to this realization about our life together. We have 3 children under 12. They’re everything to him &, needless to say, me. My hope is slowly sinking as I’m doing everything wrong in my reactions to him, but I’m holding tighter to God in prayer everyday. I want to be able to show him that I can see where I epically went wrong & how God will change me, but he doesn’t believe that will happen. We should’ve tried counseling 4 years ago after his first emotional affair, but thought we could just recover. We did it all wrong & slowly stopped trying. Now, at this point, I say we haven’t tried hard enough & he is reluctant. We are trying to get into emergency counseling – at least he’s agreed to go – but can’t get into a counselor for 3 weeks. This is absolutely the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I love my husband & have been praying daily for God to soften his heart & guide him toward realizing that our marriage is worth fighting for.

  47. Anonymous says:

    We’ve just done so much damage to each other. I so desperately want God to heal this mess we’ve made. To have the opportunity to fight to save our marriage. We’ve been separated a year and a half. I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore at this point. If there is any hope it’s because I have two little girls who desperately need their mom and dad to rediscover why they fell in love in the first place…

  48. stacy says:

    I appreciate this message i am confident that through prayer and taking care of myself my marriage will be restored. Thank you

  49. Michelle says:

    This gave me a lot of insight. I am going through this now. Our marriage has had issues for a while now but my husband doesn’t feel that it can be fixed. He was starting to separate from us when he found another woman that gave him something he was lacking.

    It has only been a week and a day since the infidelity was confirmed, but it has been an agonizing and devastating week. Back and forth, up and down, but ultimately he is straying from God and doesn’t see hope in fixing “us”.

    You have given me a better picture on how to proceed. Some things I was doing all wrong, like trying to pull too close when he wants space. Thank you for sharing this.

  50. Trishna says:

    I am losing patience with my prodigal husband. I have prayed day and night. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I find myself saying a quick prayer for my marriage. But my husband’s attitude towards me is not very much changed. I want my husband, my children and myself to live together…. My husband stays separately in the same house and also eats separately. It pains me very much. I love my husband very much and can’t see him thus. He has no job, no friends and stays mostly by himself. He started out with having an adulterous relationship but it is now over I believe. Still he refuses to come back to us. Can you help me please.

    • Jin says:

      Since October of 2014 my husband and I had separated. He was stationed in Korea and we were in the U.S. During that time I fell into a deep depression, caring only of my pains and the unwillingness to live. My children who were 13, 8 and 3 at the time, had to raise themselves, as I would lock myself in my room and cry endlessly. I would raise my voice and lose my patience with my children and though I was conscious of my lack of responsibility, my emotions dictated every action.

      My house was a total disaster and my attitude changed drastically. I began sharing my pains with my clients (I work in the beauty industry) and noticed that I wanted nothing more but validation, but for what? In what way would that change anything in my marriage, but to only encourage my pride to move forward with vengeance.

      Every time I spoke to my husband, I was filled with such emotions, from anger, to hate, to sadness and with every intent to beg or to threaten. My back was up against the wall and I was giving up hope. I couldn’t sleep without waking up with physical pains in my heart, and losing breath just imagining him with another. I was dying inside and I was losing my mind.

      I had no choice but to surrender to Jehovah in all of my despair and brokenness. I was in such turmoil and in such disgust. Jehovah GOD wouldn’t care about a young woman who left the church years ago and questioned his existence who is now at the feet of his throne, asking for mercy and grace. But, falling onto my knees and letting out mourning cries, I would feel the presence of GOD engulf me in his love and in that moment I was in a familiar place.

      I started meeting women through my job who were followers of Christ and would invite me to their church. I slowly started coming out of my depression, but still I struggled with anger and un-forgiveness. It’s been an uphill and downhill battle that has allowed me to understand the word of GOD as never before. I have asked questions, and GOD never failed to answer each of them.

      I struggled with feelings of my husband being in another relationship and I would hear GOD ask, “If he was, would you forgive him?” I would have such mix feelings, but my answer was “Yes Lord.” I would pray that mighty men of GOD would mentor him and minister to him while he stayed in Korea. I would pray that GOD would fill the void in his soul and heal his broken heart. I would pray that he would return and that GOD would humble him.

      I felt GOD say, that he would return in August and in June I stopped praying. I was tired and I was exhausted. I needed a break from church as I was slowly giving up. I was feeling a little better emotionally and mentally. I was ready to move forward. I would ask GOD why is it, that I am the one that has to go through this and why do I have to be the one praying. I heard the Lord say, “Because who else will pray for him?”

      I couldn’t take showing love and compassion towards my husband and constantly feeling rejected by him. But little did I know that GOD was working behind the scenes and I was ending it with my husband because I thought biblically I had every right to. Here’s what I learned about what your biblical rights are as a Christian. You have the ability to walk away and let go, when your husband or wife chooses to abandoned you or has committed adultery. But, would Christ let you go if you chose to walk away from him or would you want him to be right there when you finally returned.

      I think you have an option here without biblical consequences to walk away, as those actions can emotionally destroy a person, but I think if you live by the word you will see and understand that if you stand firm and become Christ like, you are in a much better position to have favor in his eyes.

      August of this year, my husband contacted me and said he was coming home. When he did, he was in such despair, and such brokenness. He wept and admitted that he had been in another relationship with another woman and that he was so sorry for what he had done. How do I know GOD works, even though we don’t always see it, because this is what my husband told me, “I am lost. I have a void that can not be filled. I am broken and no matter how many people talk to me about GOD, I just don’t believe.”

      GOD was sending people to minister to him, maybe in subtle ways, but GOD was present. GOD allowed my husband to reveal what GOD asked me to do, was to forgive him for committing adultery in which he admitted. Though we are not together, it only confirms the power of GOD and to never question what he does behind the scenes. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean he isn’t doing it. My husband are working things out slowly…I can’t complain, because allow me to assure you, it’s been quite a work in progress!

      I have learned to work on yourself and your relationship with GOD first. Improve who you are, but not to the point that your ego takes over and you no longer feel the need to pray for your husband / wife. Go to church and surround yourself with positive people. Work out and eat well. Travel and Be happy. Stay in prayer and know that GOD has this. Even if it seems too extreme, GOD is much more powerful than your situation!

      Most importantly, be patient because GOD never,…never…fails!

  51. Anonymous says:

    Since October of 2014 my husband and I had separated. He was stationed in Korea and we were in the U.S. During that time I fell into a deep depression, caring only of my pains and the unwillingness to live. My children who were 13, 8 and 3 at the time, had to raise themselves, as I would lock myself in my room and cry endlessly. I would raise my voice and lose my patience with my children and though I was conscious of my lack of responsibility, my emotions dictated every action.

    My house was a total disaster and my attitude changed drastically. I began sharing my pains with my clients (I work in the beauty industry) and noticed that I wanted nothing more but validation, but for what? In what way would that change anything in my marriage, but to only encourage my pride to move forward with vengeance.

    Every time I spoke to my husband, I was filled with such emotions, from anger, to hate, to sadness and with every intent to beg or to threaten. My back was up against the wall and I was giving up hope. I couldn’t sleep without waking up with physical pains in my heart, and losing breath just imagining him with another. I was dying inside and I was losing my mind.

    I had no choice but to surrender to Jehovah in all of my despair and brokenness. I was in such turmoil and in such disgust. Jehovah GOD wouldn’t care about a young woman who left the church years ago and questioned his existence who is now at the feet of his throne, asking for mercy and grace. But, falling onto my knees and letting out mourning cries, I would feel the presence of GOD engulf me in his love and in that moment I was in a familiar place.

    I started meeting women through my job who were followers of Christ and would invite me to their church. I slowly started coming out of my depression, but still I struggled with anger and un-forgiveness. It’s been an uphill and downhill battle that has allowed me to understand the word of GOD as never before. I have asked questions, and GOD never failed to answer each of them.

    I struggled with feelings of my husband being in another relationship and I would hear GOD ask, “If he was, would you forgive him?” I would have such mix feelings, but my answer was “Yes Lord.” I would pray that mighty men of GOD would mentor him and minister to him while he stayed in Korea. I would pray that GOD would fill the void in his soul and heal his broken heart. I would pray that he would return and that GOD would humble him.

    I felt GOD say, that he would return in August and in June I stopped praying. I was tired and I was exhausted. I needed a break from church as I was slowly giving up. I was feeling a little better emotionally and mentally. I was ready to move forward. I would ask GOD why is it, that I am the one that has to go through this and why do I have to be the one praying. I heard the Lord say, “Because who else will pray for him?”

    I couldn’t take showing love and compassion towards my husband and constantly feeling rejected by him. But little did I know that GOD was working behind the scenes and I was ending it with my husband because I thought biblically I had every right to. Here’s what I learned about what your biblical rights are as a Christian. You have the ability to walk away and let go, when your husband or wife chooses to abandoned you or has committed adultery. But, would Christ let you go if you chose to walk away from him or would you want him to be right there when you finally returned.

    I think you have an option here without biblical consequences to walk away, as those actions can emotionally destroy a person, but I think if you live by the word you will see and understand that if you stand firm and become Christ like, you are in a much better position to have favor in his eyes.

    August of this year, my husband contacted me and said he was coming home. When he did, he was in such despair, and such brokenness. He wept and admitted that he had been in another relationship with another woman and that he was so sorry for what he had done. How do I know GOD works, even though we don’t always see it, because this is what my husband told me, “I am lost. I have a void that can not be filled. I am broken and no matter how many people talk to me about GOD, I just don’t believe.”

    GOD was sending people to minister to him, maybe in subtle ways, but GOD was present. GOD allowed my husband to reveal what GOD asked me to do, was to forgive him for committing adultery in which he admitted. Though we are not together, it only confirms the power of GOD and to never question what he does behind the scenes. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean he isn’t doing it. My husband are working things out slowly…I can’t complain, because allow me to assure you, it’s been quite a work in progress!

    I have learned to work on yourself and your relationship with GOD first. Improve who you are, but not to the point that your ego takes over and you no longer feel the need to pray for your husband / wife. Go to church and surround yourself with positive people. Work out and eat well. Travel and Be happy. Stay in prayer and know that GOD has this. Even if it seems too extreme, GOD is much more powerful than your situation!

    Most importantly, be patient because GOD never,…never…fails!

  52. Anonymous says:

    My wife and I have been together 13 years 5 year married a year ago she left me we just recently started talking again We also have been sleeping together and when were together it feels wonderful just when I think things are getting better she tells me that she wants space I give her space then she’ll call me to stay the night I’m so lost and confused she told me the other day I love you but I’m not in love with you

    • Joni says:

      There’s this false teaching of the devil which is prevalent especially in western societies that to marry someone or to stay married to them you must be madly ‘in love’ with them. I’m referring to ‘wise counsels’ from the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Dr Phil which have led many astray.
      Many many years ago people in all societies, be it Africa, Asia or Europe, entered into arranged marriages which lasted up to the point when the one partner died. In some cultures you were actually introduced to your future spouse just few days before you got married to them. The kind of love that saw these couples through was the kind of love that is spoken of in the Book of Corinthians, to love our partners just as Jesus Christ loved us. This is the kind of love that is unconditional, forgiving and never ends. Read the Bible and you will come across so many accounts of God’s men taking women in marriage without any courtship before that and those marriages lasted. As an African, I know that our ancestors enjoyed long happy marriages which were also arranged and there was also no courtship. Couples were taught to love, respect and stay committed to their spouses for life. And I’m not advocating arranged marriages here. I’m merely stressing the importance of mutual love and respect in a marriage as well as commitment.
      Fast forward to the modern era, people, especially in the western world, have been deceived by the evil one through Hollywood doctrines and teachings that above everything there has to be what is called romantic love to marry someone or stay in the marriage. These people are not even afraid or shy to tell you straight in the face that you cannot stay with someone that you are not ‘in love’ with. Really, how can you want to separate from someone who always wants to make sure that you are safe and protected, someone who always wants to make sure that there is enough food for you and the children, someone who wants to make sure that you are always in good health physically and mentally, someone who really cares about your general well-being, someone who is fully committed to you and is evidently faithful and loyal to you? Just how can anyone want to divorce that kind of a person? Well today it’s possible because the devil’s agents in the media and other platforms teach people that we must be romantically involved to marry and stay in the marriage.
      The devil hates marriage because it was created by God and he will devise every possible means to destroy anyone’s marriage. The devil knows that many of us did away with our wayward lifestyles when we entered into marriage. He knows that once we divorce we’ll again have the freedom to live as we please – sleeping around, alcohol and drug abuse, endless partying, etc. The devil also knows that once the parents are divorced he will gain a stronghold on the children. He knows that the children will find it very difficult to listen to and have respect for parents who are divorced and therefore will be lost to him. Satan knows that the nucleus of every society is the family. To destroy any society the devil must first destroy the family. So he has come up with sinister plans, schemes and doctrines to lure God’s men and women from the truth as written in Corinthians through things such as romantic love and so forth via Hollywood doctrines. The devil’s agents are on a dangerous mission to teach people all over the world to love someone above God. God-fearing people must know that to be ‘in love’ with someone is dangerous as many people have compromised their beliefs and faith because of the love that is advocated by Satan’s agents on earth. These people have done things which are sinful before the eyes of God just because they wanted to please their partners whom they are ‘in love’ with. If there’s anyone we must be in love with it is Jehovah our God and His only begotten son, Jesus Christ our Saviour.
      So Anonymous, I don’t want to sound sarcastic but let your wife know that you don’t want her to be in love with you, you only want her to love you as Christ loves you. It’s good that she says she loves. Let her know that the devil’s schemes and lies are working through her. Get her to read the Bible, direct her to websites which reveal the devil’s dark intentions towards marriage as well as Dr Myles Munroe’s teachings on marriage on YouTube. And if you are a member of a church, ensure that she receives wise Christian counselling on marriage preferably by a female counsellor who’s in a happy marriage. And keep on praying to God with all of your heart and sincerity. May God answer your prayers and be with you and your wife.

  53. Victoria sprague says:

    In Jan. my husband came home after visiting his mom and brother and decided he didn’t want to be married and he didn’t love me anymore. weeks earlier he proclaimed his love for me as he often did in front of everyone. I know he was crazy about me. He left me to move home with his mom and brother -a 32 yr. old who has never has a serious relationship or moved out. the mother encourages the boys to stay home, somehow, she made the grass greener. My husband was sold out for Jesus, I don’t know what happened. Since he left he will not talk to me or answer my calls. The one time we talked , he said he doesn’t care if it is 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years, he never wants to get back with me. Somehow, I have been villainized, but he won’t give me examples. It has been 8 months, and I don’t know what he is doing, or if he is happy, or if he misses me at all. I keep praying, and waiting. It hurts so much, I don’t want to love him. He has been a monster! Why do I want this lying, conspiring, cruel man? I cry out for God to rend the heavens and call him back to be the man who loved Lord and served, or to help make him a distant memory. The more I pray for him, the more I hurt. I beg God to sustain me through this time.

  54. cassie says:

    My husband and I have been married 21 years he says he loves me but not in love with me breaks my heart I am so in love with him he wants separation I don’t all I know is I’m finding God again I really have gotten away I pray he works on my husband’s heart and soul I have had major breakdowns I’m a really strong person but right now I feel so weak.

  55. Teresat says:

    hi….my husband left me six yrs ago…..I have prayed like crazzy over our situation….my children tell me when they come back from visiting him hes still in love with his affair partner,but she left him a year and a half ago….I let go of him…He created so much anger and restment..that..I told the lord can not live like this anymore..I have rathered died..then go through this..depression..anger..sadness..constant crying..isolation…and nit even want to go on with life….I was married to him for ten yrs..until one day he come home to display his unhappiness in the relationship…a co worker kind of stepped in and created a bond betwern the both of them, out of anger we sold the house moved out into our seperate ways..we do not talk or communicate anything between us..we have two children…he has two vistation days through the month….after six yrs…the girl has finally ended the relationship….and when he visits..the chikdren he cries..tell the children, how love hurts..and is heart broken..that she has left him behind..the children have expressed their view..how heart broken they were when he left..my daughter told him to get a grip..on life…as christian we have prayed….but I want to move on..as I see,hes still holding on to his lovers heart…my heart..does not belong to him…I need some advice..as am holding on to see my lawyer for a divorce..I no god hates divorce….I no his word says..what god put together no man should assunder..my christian family says not to give up…

    • Anonymous says:

      Teresa,

      What if we asked GOD to find favor upon us and to redeem Our Husband or Wives only to find that years later we are still praying with no results? There’s one thing that I am certain of, that GOD never leaves a prayer unanswered and that he truly desires the blessings of a marriage.

      But the question is, is do we understand GOD’s wisdom, grace, mercy and love? Do we understand his kindness and forgiveness? You have mentioned in several different parts of your statement, that you were angry and that you no longer wanted to be depressed or sad or hurt or even the desire to live. I can understand every single one of those feelings of suffering.

      I can relate to just wanting to give up completely on his return in order to move forward. I can relate to questioning if holding on to my marriage was of GOD’s will. I questioned and reanalyzed the Parables of Jesus, especially that of the Prodigal Son. What I have gained is this, in the story, the father never chased his son who chose to spend his inheritance on the sins of the world. Rather he went about his life and put his faith in GOD.

      His father wasn’t bitter. He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t angry. As a matter of fact, there is no where in the bible that mentions his grief. But, being a man of GOD, I am certain he prayed and continued to love his son Unconditionally. I believed GOD moved heaven and earth to bring his son home and when he did, his father welcomed him with the finest robe and fattest sheep.

      The point is,…you must live your life with the fullness of Christ. You must pray earnestly, and live joyfully. I don’t recall seeing anywhere in your text that you were or are happy, only that you are still in pain and still very much hurt. Although GOD is close to the brokenhearted, you also have to make a choice to choose GOD’s healing. I am sure it’s not as though you want nor desire to be unhappy, but everyday, when you feel this feeling of despair, remind yourself of everything that you are thankful for, so that these thoughts can slowly wither away.

      When YOU are healed and recovered, the strength that GOD gives you and his grace that fills you, will shine through, that your husband will see GOD’s love upon you. Things must have moved quite fast and it doesn’t mean that your husband recovered from the separation of you, he is heartbroken now, because he relied upon another woman to fill his void and like a drug, he longs for it to be filled. Only GOD can fills this void and it has to be of his choosing.

      Don’t avoid your husband, be still and know that GOD has it in his hands. Pray for your strength. Improve yourself. Enjoy the beauty of Life. Find happiness in the little things. Find joy and you will find peace. When a man knows you are bitter, because you refuse to speak to him, when he knows you are still angry and hurt by him, is he more willing to return? Wasn’t the appeal of the other woman because she carried no weight at the time? Be happy and positive and your light will bring the lost ship home:)

  56. Maria says:

    My name is Maria, but its not my full name, My husband Justin he went to his home town on 13th October 2015 after 7 years and now he fully changed he talks very rude and whatever i say he takes in wrongly he talks to his family, relatives, friends hours and if I say something he tells me that he needs freedom and happiness and he is not happy with me and wants to leave as soon as his family calls him, he is a nice person though we had small fights we used to get along in hours or in a day, now they have changed him fully they dont want him to leave with me so he says lies to them that he is living with his friends, please pray for me to the Almighty God that my Justin should not change no matter what comes he should not change no other women or girl to be in his life and no other relationship should break us, for his sake i left my whole family brothers and sister and i dont talk to anybody as he was not liking anybody from my family, i came far away from them i have even insulted them for his sake but not from my heart, its ok i know they will forgive me and understand. My husband Justin please he should not leave me at any cost, no other relationship or girls should enter his shadow i know his parents will force to get marry to other beautiful girls but i want my God to help me and him not to get into any such relationships, all are telling him to go to abroad but please i know he will change completely. I had lived with him more than 10 years but the way he talks we went through so many ups and downs and he I did not conceive second child becoz he was not interested. But now I ask the God to help me to conceive atleast when any such things happens I want to keep the child in his rememberance and live. Please God all I ask my Justin in 2005 & 2006 he used to kneel and pray to mother mary to unite us not to be separated but now if I say that he says that time he was young and did not know what life is.
    Please God you can change so many disasters please help me all I ask is my Justin should accept me as I am and to love me and stay with us and not betray us. I want to spend rest of my life with him, i love him we were fighting but we used to correct our mistakes and everyone knows we are husband and wife and i want my God to help me to keep my Justin with us and unite as one family.

    • Jack and Janet says:

      Thank you Teresa. You are so right. Even when the marriage is not reconciled, people still need to know there is a tomorrow. Their lives can still move forward.

  57. Jon says:

    My wife, (Sandy), left me back on November 14th, 2015 when her very promiscuous daughter, (Jessica) delivered an illegitimate child. Sandy has moved into Jessica\’s basement and is sleeping with another man while we are still married. Sandy is also surrounded by people who support her wrong choices.
    Needless to say, I am very heartbroken but I have been in constant prayer standing on the belief that God can and will reconcile this marriage. \”All things are possible with God\”
    My request is for the miracle of marriage reconciliation That God will intervene with healing and come against Satan from destroying this any further. To separate those from her who encourage wrong choices and temptations.
    Also, that God will soften and convict Sandy\’s heart to reconcile, return home, to bring us together, like we once were, and not go through with divorce. And that God would anoint this marriage with His blessings for His glory.

    • Anonymous says:

      Thinking of you during this very difficult time in your life and am praying that you find hope, solace and support in God. God hears our prayers and knows what we need before we even ask. Keep faith and hope alive. God can change hearts of stone to hearts of flesh with a fresh new spirit. Never give up.
      God is within you and is your biggest cheer leader.

    • Anonymous says:

      i am in a close place to where you are..i don’t want to lose my wife so i keep praying,and seeking GODS face.i see no change but i know it’s not over until GOD says its over.

  58. Michele says:

    My husband and I have been married 23 years, we have had some terrible fights. With horrible hurtful words and accusations. When we try to communicate we fight. We both misinterpret what the other is trying to say, or jump to conclusions, or usually to wound up to actually hear and listen to what the other is saying. I have wanted to leave on a number of occasions , just can’t give up. Now the fights and misunderstandings have my husband not finishing the renos on our house, but moving to the basement. I’m hurt and really love my husband, want my marriage to be restored. I will try all that I have read here, please pray for our marriage. I firmly believe the Lord will help us!

  59. Maxke says:

    God and God alone can save and is mighty to do so. Praise Him and continue pressing in to Him for restoration for our marriages. He will not ignore the Faith-filled prayers of His children! Oh God set things right in each and every one of our marriages…even those involved with the judicial system already….all rulers of this present day earth are no match for our GOD! Please quickly save. Pour out to us God your anointing..your healing and bind the enemy who seeks to destroy our marriages and is already doing so..put a stop to him in Jesus name. Move Holy Spirit in the hearts and minds of your children and save our unsaved spouses. Heal and do what only You Father God can…we are flesh and only able to do so much. Produce in us good fruit and let us dwell in the land of the living…our times are in Your hands. Adam was given Eve…bless us with our marriages healed…let us be who you created us to be…bring beauty from ashes…Strong Deliver…Our God and Saviour…Restorer of Souls…turn our spouses back to us and let our marriages be Trophies of Your Grace and true testament to Your miracle working power. Help us so we can help others.

  60. ange says:

    I know I’m late on this but I need to talk to someone.I am in a emotionless marriage my husband won’t go to counseling or marriage therapy.When I ask him to his response is always negative he says no and if the marriage is so bad then we will end it if counseling is needed I don’t know what to do he’s making me want to leave I have been coming up with a plan on leaving if things don’t change there’s no emotion no attachment no connection no sex kiss hug cuddle no going out no listening to me and trying to work out issues its his way or the highway that’s basicly what he tells me if I bring up anything in the relationship or that involved feelings or change its leave then.I’m at a lost here he reflects everything on past relationships and never sees me.We have been married 3 years together 6.I blame myself because I saw his ways and married him anyways because we both are raising my grandson and I didn’t want for him to grow up without a father figure but I’m lost in this and don’t know what to do

    • Jack says:

      Hi Ange,

      Janet and I would be glad to talk to you about this. Just head over to our Contact page and send us an email.

      God bless
      Jack

  61. Daryl says:

    A few weeks ago my husband walked out on me because he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me. We went to one counseling session and he stated the marriage is over and there is nothing we can do to fix it. I have put all my hope in God to restore our marriage.I pray that he will open up my husbands eyes and allow him to seek his face again. My husband is a stone right now and he won’t be nice. He is out of the house but he has lost his way. I pray for healing and restoration of our marriage. This is one of the toughest times I have ever had in my life. Please pray for restoration and strength and for my husband to be able to give us another try.

  62. timothyryanlion says:

    You probably have tons of people you are praying for dear brothers & sisters but I’m reaching out to ask for prayer for my wife. I feel the enemy is leading her farther away through fear. She’s afraid I’m trying to take our daughter from her or that I’m trying to stalk my wife. Nothing could be further from the truth! It’s all fear driven & I know she is broken and needs healing from the many men including her dad and including me, who have hurt her. I’m surrounded by guys who go hook up with girls & it’s been over 3 years now since my wife has allowed me to live with her and our kids.
    She interprets everything I do, even trying to fight to be in my daughters life, as attempts to control but I let my wife “go” along time ago. I’m just worn down and confused. Everything I do is for my wife and kids it my wife refuses to communicate with me, or believe that I have good intentions for my daughter like any loving father would. Recently my wife moved even further away from me after I left the states to be near my daughter (3yrs old) in Canada. I finally found a place to rent near my daughter & just discovered my wife up and moved off the island without legal consent and her mom is accusing me of stalking my wife although I’ve had no contact with her for almost a whole year… I’m just worn out. I want my marriage to restored on one hand but I want to start over and have a new wife, a godly one on the other hand… I feel pressure from all sides: family, friends, mentors, pastors. But scripture is pretty clear about what a covenant is right?

  63. Mark says:

    Been married 12 years and most of them have been uphill battles. The past 2 we have lived in separate houses. Wife now has an appointment with attorney to file on Thursday. God is good, but we are flawed. He can make all things new, we have to follow Him – I’m trying… trying to keep faith – it’s just really hard.

  64. Tb says:

    Please pray for my marriage. My husband told me several days ago that he was struggling with thoughts of divorce. He asked that I give him time to figure things out. I gave him space and 24 hours later he affirmed that he wanted a divorce. He is not rushing me, but wants me to be “ok” before he leaves. We are still Sharing a bed even though I personally made up a space downstairs for him to sleep. He texts me everyday and assures me of his love for me. I am broken. My brain tells me it’s over but my heart hasn’t caught up with my brain yet. He wants to move forward with splitting up the bank accounts and trying to been to move on. He isn’t cruel or cold with me more firm and loving. He told me he is no longer in love with me and only wants to know what it feels like to be happy. I love my husband and acknowledge I have made terrible mistakes In our marriage. No one has been unfaithful but we are both guilty of ignoring each other and not communicating. God please help me because I am lost and broken. I do not want a divorce. I am totally committed to my spouse but fear too much damage had been done over the years. Please please pray for me, my spouse and our marriage. Any advice on scripture would be greatly appreciated.

  65. silvia says:

    I am going though a hardship with my husband, this is really helpful, and although it is hard to present yourself strong and passive in front of your husband, it makes sense to do it. I ask for prayer in agreement with my reconciliation with my husband,

    Thank You
    God Bless all

  66. Zack says:

    I am on the military, 5 days before I had come home from my last deployment my wife said she moved out and wants a divorce. She says she loves and and cares about me but she’s not “in love” with me anymore. I so depretly want to work on this and continue the life we have/had together. She’s not willing to work on things, but I am. I’ve been home for a month now I have been going to marriage counseling and working every day to better myself as a husband. Me and her talk everyday, we have spend a little bit of time together since I’ve been back and the way she acts around me makes me feel like she still is in love with me. I’m positive there’s not another man in the picture so I’m lost as to why she does want to work on things. She is going to the next counseling session with me but at the same time she constantly says she can’t do this anymore. I pray every day that her heart be open as well as her mind. I ask God to bless our marriage and give me the tools to restore what he has put together. She has spoken with my mother a few times about the situation and from my mom’s opinion she thinks the wife is confused on what she wants as do I. Even though she won’t admit it. This whole situation is confusing and I don’t know what to think about it. I will not give up on my marriage though. My wife is my world. She’s my everything. I know i havnt been the best husband and I told her that. I have started to make the changes she had issues with before I even knew she wanted a divorce because we never talked about it. She just never gave me the chance to show her. Any comments or insight would be appreciated.

  67. Hannah says:

    Reading everyone’s situation’s is breaking my hart….. I have been standing for my husband for 2years. God has been giving me confirmation of my husband returning in Bible scriptures. My faith was on fire. My husband returned a month ago stayed a month and moved back to his girlfriend again. Everything came back the hurt the rejection. Him telling me yet again he wants a divorce…I was shattered….why??? My faith and trust in God was shattered. Why would He allow him to return so I would get hurt again. I have been praying “Lord if this marriage is over let it just be over” for the past 2years. But nothing….All God is telling me is wait and be patient….lol I think God is teaching me the fruits of the spirit. And what a painful way to learn…. My husband is broken he is half the man he used to be literally and emotionally. He is so hard and he used to be the most loving person to me and our girls. But he has changed. I guess this is what sin does to a person. I really forgave him and the mistress. But after him coming home and leaving again. I have to work through the pain and forgiveness. Again. This time around my hart is very hard. And I am asking God to help me. I wish this pain would just end. It is the worst pain to experience …you feel ripped apart on the inside. People think you are a fool for sticking for your marriage. I know God has given a person free Will but I believe God can change a situation or redirect a persons footsteps in the direction you need to go. But my question is when do you give up? I am so tired physically and emotionally tired of praying and hoping…I feel like turning my back on my husband. And walking away. But then who intercedes for him? Who shows him the love of Jesus. Grace and Mercy. I wish God could do something! Anything!

  68. Agel says:

    Hi I’m the one fighting this battle and the only one hanging on .. we been separated for 4 years we have two kids daughter is 16 and son is 24, sot we still see each other, we go out as a family and had some hope.as of as of octeober 6 my hopes have been shattered and i’m devasted losing hope. i spend time online looking for some help to keep my hope alive. but the 6th i lost hope and yesterday i found out that is talking with others online and via phone, she told me i have competition. it so much, its unbearable I’m trying to hold on. your article gave me some hope, thank you for that. I need to change from inside out and it’s hard, i need to give her space but its hard. i neglected for so many years and now i want to make up for my screw up. i don’t want a divorce i want her we been of and on for 32 years married since 1994.. i want her back, she said she has no more strength. I’m afraid that someone would come and sweep her of her feet, i’m already crushed.. I need a real miracle of God to change me and bring her ( Teresa )back. please put us in your prayers, that God changes me and bring her back.. she doesn’t want to talk to anyone and i’m afraid that the advice she gets from others are negative since they are not christian and might not believe in not giving up to to move on.. please advise.I feel like am at the end of my rope.I’m loosing hope, I just found out that she is talking to other guys and might have gone out with one . I getting torn apart piece by piece. when i get my hopes high , something happens that tears me down..

    • Jack says:

      Angel,

      Thanks for the comment. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ll be glad to help. If you want, you can Email me and we can talk.

      • Angel Torres says:

        Jack, nothing has changed. i thing things gotten worst, barely see and barely comes to visit. just found out that she has had coffe and lunch with others. very hard, she really wants a divorce and i can’t bare it. i have lost hope, too much pain, don’t know what to do. she said she is done, finish. it hurts, i try not to thing about her being with others but it hard. there’s lot more, I’ve been trying to be there for her.

        • Tommy says:

          Angel DONT GIVE UP!! Hope this helps it has helped me i know things are hard and sometimes its hard to find hope and some one to help i found this or more i was led to this.

          YOUR MARRIAGE IS RESTORED!
          KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!

          There are two worlds here, this world below the clouds, the physical realm, and the spiritual world/realm above them.

          When God cast satan down, he was given dominion in this world, the physical realm, the one we walk and see in. Therefore satan is able to attack us here and make things happen here that we can see and touch on. But Jesus already defeated him here and in the spiritual realm, he is defeated period in our lives. He knows that well. He does things to us here to make us believe that he is not defeated and that he can do these things and get away with them. The truth is, he cannot, he has no authority to do anything to us, Jesus took that away from him on the cross.

          So when we pray and seek God to help us, rescue us, it is done. When we ask Him to restore our spouses back to us, it is done the second we ask Him to to it. This is what happens when we ask Him to restore our marriages.

          God is up there in the spiritual realm and satan and his demons are also up there in the spiritual realm. They are in a area that lies just below where God is, actually a third realm area that lies between God and this world, the physical realm. The spirital realm is a realm that we cannot see with our physical eyes, but note we can see it when we root deeply into God and open our spiritual eyes and ears, which comes by faith, and faith comes by His word. So when you root deeply in His word and know that it cannot fail, it is the only truth, and you let nothing distract you from it, you can get into spirit instead of the flesh which is in this world.

          But anyway, Your request goes up to Gods throne and immediately it manifests in the spiritual realm. But now it has to get from way up there where God is, to way down here in the worldly physical realm where we are, and manifest here. To do that, it has to pass through the third realm area where satan and his demons are at. Gods angels have to carry the answer, your restoration and marriage healed, through that realm where the enemy is. That is where a great battle takes place because satan and his demons (the 1/3 of Gods angels that sided with satan and were cast down with him, now called dark angels, or better known as demons) try to fight Gods angels as they bring it through. But note that they cannot win the battle, they are not strong enough to win it, it was already done by Jesus. The only way they can win it is for you to give up and say it is hopeless, for you to not believe it is coming.

          It is your faith in what God says, in His word, and in Gods angels to bring it through to you in the physcial world, that wins that battle and brings the answer on through. When we ask God for something, He immediately answers us and dispatches His angels to bring it to us, but they have to fight it through the resistance of satan and his demons, and this is why the time lapse between when we ask and when it happens for us.

          Dan 10:11 The angel said to me, “Daniel, God loves you. Stand up and listen carefully to what I am going to say. I have been sent to you.” When he had said this, I stood up, still trembling. 
          Dan 10:12 Then he said, “Daniel, don’t be afraid. God has heard your prayers ever since the first day you decided to humble yourself in order to gain understanding. I have come in answer to your prayer. 
          Dan 10:13 The angel prince of the kingdom of Persia opposed me for twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief angels, came to help me, because I had been left there alone in Persia.

          Daniel prayed and God immediately dispatched His angel with the answer, but he had to fight his way through satans (the angel prince of the kingdom of Persia) opposition to deliver it, and that is why it took 21 days for Daniels answer to come.

          As soon as we ask for our marriage to be restored and healed, God does it for us, but the time we wait to see it is the time it is taking Gods angels to bring it to this physical realm so it can manifest in the physical for us. Our faith in it being done and on its way can and will affect the time it takes. It is our believing God for what we have asked, trusting in Him that it is on the way, and knowing without a doubt that is done and on the way, that helps bring it on through. When we doubt, or say things that show that we doubt, we strengthen satans opposition to it. The angels have to fight harder and longer against satan and his demons to get it through.

          I Hope this helps you, because you have to get your mind and faith in the right place so they can bring it through. You have to set your faith rock solid and declare and believe that it is done and on the way, nothing less. To say anything less, then it causes a harder fight between them. IF you doubt and confess with your mouth anything negative, then that negative word probably will manifest, because basically you have given permission for there to be what you said because you believed it and now satan can exercise it, manifest it, on what you believe. This is why you only believe God and what He says. You only believe that God is restoring your marriage and everything is alright, and that is what you speak. Because it is truth, you are just waiting for His angels to get it to you. Do not let satan work on your mind and your emotions by what you see here in the physical, because he operates here, but what is here is not what is real and on the way to you. We walk by faith, not by sight, again scripture, Gods word, because of what I just told you. What you see here is not what is real once you asked God to help you. What you asked for has already happened, it is done in the spiritual realm, so it is done here in the physical realm as well, but you are not seeing it yet because it is still on the way.

          If for example you asked your dad to loan you $100 because you cannot pay your electric bill that is due in seven days for disconnect, and he said yes, and you know when your dad says yes, he will keep his word and send it, and he said he would put it in the mail immediately that moment, then you would know without a doubt that it is on the way. Your problem is not solved yet because the money is not in your hand yet, but you relax, cheer up and know that it is solved because the money is on the way and will get here in time. You are rescued and everything is going to be okay, it is on the way and all is well.

          This is the same as with your prayers. Your Heavenly Fathers answers are always yes and amen. He put it in the mail that moment that you asked for it and it is on the way, and it will get here on time because God is always on time.

          The only time the answer is late, is when you doubt. Then it is like everytime you doubt, that money in the mail gets held up in the post office because it fell out of the carriers bag on the way out. It is not lost or gone, it just is delayed now. It is still at the post office and the postmaster finds it and puts back in the next days delivery. You can even delay that money so long by doubting that the electric gets shut off, but it will still come through to you when you can get rock solid enough in your faith that it makes it out with the carrier finally. Then it arrives, finally, and you get the electric turned back on. God is never so late that the lights stay out. God was not late to start with, it was you that delayed the mail, not Him.

          I love when God gives me parables like that.

          I hope this helps some of you. You need to just trust God for your marriage healing, because marriage healing is a subject in the bible, the promises of God, that are crystal clear. He does not want you divorced, He wants you and your spouse married for a lifetime, one man married to one woman for life. He hates divorce (Malichi). So much that He says the one who would do such a cruel thing to their spouse is cut off from Him, He will not listen to their crys or prayers. When you ask God to help your marriage, you can count on the fact that He sent the help and your restoration the second you asked, His word says so.

          God bless all of you…

        • Jack says:

          Angel,

          I know it is hard to have hope when everything looks like it is getting worse. It is beyond our natural ability to believe and remain hopeful when the negative stuff keeps happening. But I want to encourage you to focus your attention on the Lord and not on the circumstances. Your hope has to be in Him and you have to believe He will get you through this regardless of what your wife does.

          The Lord loves you and He wants nothing but good things for your life. Remember, Romans 8:28 doesn’t say that God causes all things to happen. But it does say that He will cause all things to work for your good if you love Him and you are living your life for His purpose. So, just know that you can trust God to get you through this and you can believe He will not let you down.

          I will also send this to you via Email, so we can talk more if you want.

  69. Tommy says:

    Hi this post is what ive been looking for its and given me the answers that i need, its been six weeks since me and my wife seperated it wasnt through my choice as im currently serving in cyprus with the UN. Bit of back ground on the circumstances that led to what she said, prior to going home in november on r&r my wife was sending me parcels with i love yous etc same with a letter and in text messages all upto and the week before i went home so all seemed good phone calls indicated nothing etc, so i got home and all was ok, she had an argument with my daughter on day three which was not good because of what was said then it happened she phoned me and scalded me and told me it was over, i still stayed at home for the next two weeks and we slept in the same bed nothing intimate and that was the time i started to notice things, nicola was tired and working long hours, she was worried about christmas and money, the house was a mess and been so since id left for tour ( took me best part of a day to clean it, this isnt nics fault because shes at work and she has my 15 year old son at home and my daughter with her two year old neither of which help with housework or support) nics nan passed a couple of days before i left for cyprus and i couldnt attend the funeral, she wasnt eating properly or taking her medication as she should which has side effects and its lifetime medication for thyroid, she would rather be out than at home whereas before she just wanted to stay in so lot of burdens, nevertheless she has stuck to her guns with the its over business.
    Ive tried looking for answers etc but to no avail, this has drawn me closer to god in a big way, with prayer, worship and the bible, i tried to sort things but met disastrous consequences and now im completely surrendered to god with the situation, i pray regular in the day and ive had some signs so he is there, i know things will happen for the better and it is a time thing and it is hard, i pray for the marriage and my wife and by seeing this post ive started doing everything right, in my circumstance god has moved in mysterious ways with bringing me closer completely broke me down but now i can feel him building me back up, strange things are happening and your post has given me more hope and i thank you for it, she hasnt mentioned divorce yet and she did mention she needed space and time so a couple of positives, i believe that god will do what he needs to, i hope that everyone holds their faith, trust god. If anyone could shed any light on whats happening with my wife it would be gratefully recieved. Thanks again great post

  70. Thomas says:

    I am currently going through exactly what you described and it all started about 6 weeks ago. WOW!! Would definitely like to talk and ask some questions.

  71. James Kirk says:

    My wife left me and says it’s over, I am letting go but something in me says don’t give up, I have read these words and have applied it to my life, I know that this may not save my marriage, but I face this time with a new hope that no matter what happens I’ll be OK. I’d like to ask that you pray along with me for my marriage, there is power in prayer. Thank you all, God guided me to this page when I was at my worst night, and it has given me faith and hope. Thank you guys so much. Pray for me and my marriage, and pray for all marriages. Thanks. Jim

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