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This One Thing Is Destroying Marriages Everyday

Everyday marriages all over the world are being destroyed by a single killer. This killer morphs in many forms and works in various ways, but make no mistake the threat of this thing is very real and very dangerous. If this killer is not able to destroy a marriage it will at the very least render a marriage powerless to reach the full potential it was designed to be.

I’m angry about what this killer has done to hurt so many marriages and I’m passionate about being part of an army who aims to defeat this enemy of marriages.

One thing destroying marriages

Now when I tell you the name of this marriage destroyer, I hope you don’t overlook the danger behind its simplistic name. And I hope you’re not offended by what I’m saying here. I hope you understand I’m trying to help us all. I’m not trying to point the finger at anybody and I’m not trying to put people down. This thing nearly destroyed my own marriage and in some ways I know it can still threaten us today.

So what is this killer called?


It’s called IGNORANCE


Again, I’m not trying to be insulting and I’m not trying to be over simplistic, so let me explain.

The word ignorance is a noun meaning the state of being ignorant. And ignorant simply means:

  1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned:
  2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact:
  3. uninformed; unaware.
  4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training:


Ignorance exist in all of us and there is nothing wrong with admitting our ignorance in some particular area. I’m ignorant toward computer programming. I’m trying to learn enough about computer coding to help me with my own website, but I have no intention to learn more than I have to. And that is just one example. I won’t bore you with all the things I could confess my ignorance in. The point is we all have ignorance in some form or another.

But the part about ignorance that bothers me is that it should not be tolerated in the important areas of our lives. Ignorance is not an inability to learn, it is just a lack of having knowledge in certain areas of life. And at the root of the word ignorant we also get the word ignore. Which means if we are ignorant in some way or another then we must also realize we have chosen to ignore the possibilities of gaining knowledge in that area.

Growing up I had the privilege of knowing all of my grandparents and some of my great grandparents. Back in my grandparents days it was not uncommon for some people to not know how to drive a car. Both of my grandmothers and the one great-grandmother I knew the best never drove a car in their entire lives. But my great-grandmother who moved to the west coast when I was a baby one day got in her car and drove herself across country from North Carolina to Washington State.

My point of that is this, my one great-grandmother at some point in her life chose to go against the norm of her day and she gained the knowledge of how to drive a car. In other words she came to a point in her life where she refused to be limited by her ignorance in the principles of operating an automobile and in the principles of navigating her way to the west coast. She did what she needed to do in order to accomplish what she desired.


The bible says,

“Wise men store up knowledge, But with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand.”  ~ Proverbs 10:14

“A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,”  ~ Proverbs 1:5


So, doesn’t it make sense that in any area of life we truly want to succeed at we would do all we can to gain knowledge and understanding.

Ignorance is killing marriages

I know from the couples we encounter and from our own experience the issues can differ from one marriage to another. I know every situation is unique in its own way. But I also know the one common denominator in almost every hurting marriage is the simple lack of effort couples put into learning what they need to know in order to build a great marriage.

Many will show up to a counselor, attend a class, or go to a retreat in effort to save a marriage that is in desperate trouble. And I’m not condemning anyone for that. We have been in trouble and we love helping others who are in trouble. But there is so much trouble that could be avoided and marriages saved if couples would put as much work into their marriage as they do their careers or hobbies.

I have known people who put more effort into hunting and fishing than they do their marriage. And while they tell the stories of some great Buck that was killed or how big the Large Mouth was they caught, they also bemoan the fact that their marriage has fallen apart.

I don’t care what your career is or what your hobby is, if you want to be the best at what you do, you will give every effort to gain knowledge and remove all ignorance. You know that doing your best at something does not come simply by how strong your love it for is. You know there are things you must learn and there are skills you must develop.

So let’s stop kidding ourselves by thinking marriage is some game of chance. “There’s a chance you will make it and there’s a chance you won’t.” That is such a big lie. Your marriage doesn’t depend on chance and it doesn’t have to suffer at the hands of ignorance. Both husband and wife can put the work into gaining knowledge and understanding and you can defeat this killer of marriage called ignorance.




Image courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One comment

  1. Bryan says:

    Powerful! Just powerful! Thank you for sharing this message of absolute truth. I read a quote the other day that said this “Their are a lot of newlyweds planning for their wedding, but few are planning for their marriage”. I thought that was so true and your article is the bigger part in the quote.

    Just like our job, our favorite hobbies and even friendships outside our marriage; we put work into to maintain. But people aren’t doing it in their marriage. Craziness. My wife and I now choose to attend either a marriage class or conference each (every) year. We have to! We don’t know everything there is to know about marriage and we must continue to learn.

    Keep up the great writing!

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