Every now and then Janet and I discover that one or both of us still struggle with some lingering effect from the bad years of our marriage. about the things we have done to each other and to our marriage. So I want to share with you how our old arguments and constant fighting did more damage than I would’ve ever thought possible.
Now I don’t want to give the wrong message here and cause discouragement to those still hoping to restore their marriage. Janet and I have overcome a lot and we are much better off having stayed together than we would have been if we had parted ways. It’s not that our marriage is in trouble or that it is threatened by our past. It’s just sometimes damage can take more work to overcome than anyone would have imagined.
Many believers have certain people come to mind when they think about great faith. Great men and women of the bible and all throughout the ages there have been countless examples of great faith demonstrated in individual lives during extraordinary times.
Over the years I have also looked to and admired many different examples of great faith that have often encouraged me through difficult times. But the one example that has come to mean the most to me, is my wife. Janet’s story of faith has certainly benefited and blessed my life in a very personal way. But also whenever I step back and look at her story as a whole and I see what role faith has played in her life, when I do that, I’m always overwhelmed with admiration for her.
You see, so often people hear the basics of our story of how we were near divorce 4 different times, and how each time it was Janet who wanted out of our marriage and it was me who fought to save our marriage, and because of that people think I’m the hero of our story. But I cannot tell you how far from the truth that view of our story really is.
So I’ll tell you why My Wife is My Hero of Faith Read more
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One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in my life is the fact that I spent nineteen years of my marriage being an unhappy wife when all along I could have been a very happy wife. I’ve had to mourn those wasted years. There gone now and there is nothing I can do to get them back. That’s why I am so thankful the Lord is redeeming that time for us.
Though if I could, I would go back and talk to my former self. Because there are some things I would like for her to know. There are some things I would like to say to her to encourage her and reassure her. So I would say…. Read more
Romantic dinner for two. Check.
Nice Jewelry. Check.
Beautiful flowers. Check.
A box of chocolate. Check.
Sexy lingerie. Check.
A thoughtful card. Always.
A surprise weekend getaway for just us. With a candlelit room, rose pedals everywhere and Kenny G music playing softly. Yea, I’ve done that too.
We are starting a new page here on Redeeming Marriages, called Stories of Redeemed Marriages.
Today’s guest post is from Pearl.
Pearl’s focus is restoring waning female libido and sexual intimacy in marriage because of her own challenges in this area. The grittiness of life (parenting children with learning differences and navigating the genepool of mental illness) has also shaped Pearl. Her luster comes from the HOPE she’s received from the beloved Word of God. She wishes to share HOPE with her beautiful readers to help them redeem their low-libido. You can find Pearl in the OysterBed (www.oysterbed7.com).
Redeemed by 5:21, Grace and Nakedness.
~ Pearl (& Mr. Muscle approved)
Within the first two weeks of marriage, my handsome, young husband made a wise statement that we would return to again and again. He invoked the 5:21 rule, “I want our marriage to always be based upon respect and communication.”
“Do you Jack, take Janet to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“Do you Janet, take Jack to be your lawfully wedded Husband?”
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
I remember the day we spoke those words like it was yesterday. I was a wide eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to one day be called a husband.
Now looking back at that day thirty years later, I see a young man and a young woman who had no clue to what it really meant to be called “husband and wife.” We had the titles; by name, we did become husband and wife with those few words that were spoken. But we had no idea how much we would have to grow into the shoes we just put on. Read more
My dream was to be married for life; I had made that life decision when I was thirteen years old. Yet, I kept finding ways to sabotage my dream. My behavior toward Janet and toward our marriage was destructive.
I remember once when I was seeking the Lord in order to save my marriage and I heard the Lord remind me in a gentle way, that I had reaped what I had sown.
I knew right away that He was not putting the blame on me for what Janet was doing wrong. He was simply letting me see how I had destroyed our marriage with the hurtful ways I had treated her.
Those words broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. I needed to know that our marriage problems were not all Janet’s fault. Just because she had chosen to give up on our marriage, the Lord would not Read more
“We just keep drifting more and more apart. If things continue like this, I don’t see how our marriage can survive.”
It is a tragic thing when love fades. When two people who once had all the love and hope for a beautiful life together, to one day look at each other and wonder where their love and admiration for each other has gone.
It didn’t fade overnight, it didn’t happen over a one time event. They just slowly drifted away from each other until one day their feelings for each other are so drastically different from what they once had, they feel there is no hope of getting it back. Read more