Believing your marriage can be healed is tough sometimes. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels hopeless to close the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.
I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.
You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.
Matthew 19:26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Read more
There is something special about brand new. When something brand new comes in your life there are special feelings that come with it. A new car, a new house, new clothes, new tools, new appliances, all share in common that special feeling.
The same can be said about a new marriage. There is excitement and hopeful anticipation for what the future will hold. You don’t know everything this new journey will encounter. But you believe the two of you together can conquer the world.
A brand new marriage, whether it’s the first, second, third or whatever, feels like a new start. There is no bad history, bad memories, or bad feelings between husband and wife. They can take everything they know about life and relationships and apply it to this new marriage. And everything should work out just fine.
There are many of you who are in a very difficult place right now. Your marriage is in trouble and all you know to do is stand your ground and save your marriage. You’re in one of the greatest challenges a person can face in life. And I know some of you ask yourself how much more you can take.
I want you to know Janet and I admire and appreciate every one of you facing this battle. It takes a lot of courage and conviction to take this stand. As many of you know I have been there, and I know too well how difficult it is.
Your story may be different than what I went through trying to save my marriage. But I still know the delicate balance you have to walk between heartache and hope. One minute your heart is so torn and broken you don’t think you can go any further. Then the next minute your heart is alive with the hope of your future if you can just hang on.
“What right do you have to destroy my dreams?” I asked my wife. It was a question I felt very strongly about many years ago when she wanted to end our marriage. And it is a question I still feel very strongly about today.
I take the marriage vows very serious. I believe the vows are promises of commitment to see the marriage through even the toughest of times. Vows like “for better or worse, in sickness or health, for richer or poorer,” are meant to foretell our commitment to the marriage and our spouse with the presumption that there is a good chance we will face any number of trials that will test our resolve to stay committed to the marriage.
Is the marriage crisis you’re dealing with breaking your heart? Do you feel like your world is shattered and crumbling all around you? And does it make you question how much you can stand or how long can you endure? If your answers are yes, I know how you feel.
Because fighting to save a marriage is one of the toughest ordeals a person can ever experience. The heartache and pain can be so tormenting that it makes it hard to function in any other area of life. And there are times when the pain is so hard to bear, all a person can do is shut it off by staying busy with other areas of life. Either way it seems like life is just a blur and all you can do is trying to survive it.
But I have another question for you, a question I believe that can make a huge difference in how you get through this experience.
For most of my adult life I have been living with regrets over the mistakes and bad decisions I have made in the past. It seems my thoughts are always dwelling on some sort of “I should have done that differently,” “if I had known what I know now I could have ……….,” or “I would have made a different choice if I had …………”
It’s the old Should-a-Could-a-Would-a thing that I get caught up in. And sometimes I don’t just visit the land of Should-a-Could-a-Would-a, sometimes I tend to live there for long periods of time. And when I go there, not only is it a place of torment for me, it is also a miserable place for my wife to have deal with me when I’m there.
“Will anyone support my decision to try to save my marriage?” This was the thought that ran through my head time after time as family and friends continued to discourage the position I took to save my marriage. I was believing for a miracle turnaround, but most of my loved ones thought I was a fool. The naysayers almost got the best of me.
I understood the naysayers were only concerned about my well-being. They did not want to see me hurt more than I already was. And the truth is if I had wanted to end my marriage I would have appreciated their support for that.
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:12-13
“knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers,19 but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.” 1 Peter 1:18-19
If you are in the lonely position of holding on to save your marriage while your spouse says it’s over, then there is a good chance you’re seeking some help. But, you’re feeling frustrated with your desire to get help while your spouse doesn’t want to participate.
You asked to see a counselor together, attend a marriage class or a marriage retreat. But, your requests are met with cold hard rejections. And you probably heard some cruel words like “I don’t love you and I have never loved you.”
There are times when you can’t sleep and there are times when you want to sleep all day. There are times when you’re alone and you feel desperately lonely, and there are times you are thankful to be alone so you can fall apart without your spouse knowing it. And then there are times when your spouse is near and yet the loneliness you feel grips your heart so tight you find it difficult to even breathe. Read more