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When Love Feels Dead, Should The Marriage End

I understand why some think their marriage is over when the love they used to feel for their spouse now feels dead. After all, it seems ingrained in our thinking if something dies you must get rid of it and replace it.
A lot of people view love as something akin to planting a tree in the backyard. If it dies you dig it up and replace it with a new one. Or, when a pet dies and you replace it with a new one. We do the same with a lot of our relationships with other people as well. When friendships fade and die off, we look for new ones. When leaders or mentors lose their place in our lives, we find replacements.
feels dead 
It’s no wonder we approach marriage with the same mindset as we do all these other relationships. The feelings of love can and often do fade. And there are times when those feelings can be outright flat lined, dead, completely gone. But does this mean the marriage has to be over?

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How and Why You Should Encourage Yourself: 7 Reasons Why

Anytime your marriage is in trouble it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to get down on yourself and let regret and fear overtake you. But for your marriage to overcome this trial you have to take a stand against discouragement. For you to take that stand I want to share with you some thoughts on why and how you should encourage yourself.

encourage yourself

I remember when I was a young boy in school just learning to read. One of my favorite books was “The Little Engine That Could.” Though I don’t remember the full story, I still remember it was about a little engine pulling a train up a steep hill and how he kept repeating the words, “I think I can, I think I can.” Those words were what the little engine needed to encourage himself to climb that hill.

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When to Hold On and When to Let Go

A marriage breakup is one of the worst crisis a man or woman can face. So many emotions to work through. So much confusion to deal with. Trying to navigate it all is extremely difficult. Knowing when to hold on and when to let go is a bigger challenge than anyone else can possibly imagine.

hold on

If this is where you are today, I understand what you’re dealing with. I know the pain and confusion that is trying to consume you. You don’t want to be in this situation, but you are. So you’re searching. You need some answers. And you need some guidance. Read more

Connection is Your Key For Whatever Your Marriage Needs

The condition of your marriage depends on the connections you have with your spouse. If you have poor connections your marriage will suffer and struggle to survive. If you have good connections your marriage will grow stronger and stronger as the years go by. So if you’re wanting to save your marriage. Or, if you’re wanting to strengthen your marriage, your connection is the key.

connection

For the longest time, I’ve been trying to answer a few questions about my own marriage. Such as, why did Janet and I struggle for so many years to keep our marriage together? Now that our marriage is strong, what has made the difference? And how is it that we clearly should have divorced on four different occasions, but somehow we survived each crisis? Read more

Is Your Marriage Restoration More Important Than Your Relationship With God

I wrote an article awhile back called Why Marriage Restoration Should Not Be Your First Priority. I wrote that to express how knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior is far more important than overcoming marriage trouble. Because a few times I have dealt with someone wanting help to save their marriage. While at the same time they had no interest in knowing Jesus or allowing Jesus to help them. For them, their marriage restoration was more important than a relationship with God.

relationship with God

Then, recently I heard from a man who has been struggling to restore his marriage. He told me about his prayers and how he has been seeking God for answers. He said God has given him peace even though his situation hasn’t improved. And then he told me how someone else has accused him of putting his marriage first, instead of his relationship with God. Read more

Why Marriage Restoration Should Not Be Your First Priority

I want to get this straight right from the start. I agree, your marriage is important. And if your marriage is in trouble that means your marriage restoration is a high priority in your life. But I do not believe your marriage restoration should be your first priority.  

first priority

I understand what you’re going through. The heartache and confusion of a marriage crisis are the toughest things I’ve ever dealt with. But, when I talk about your marriage crisis I have to talk about your relationship with Jesus. Your marriage restoration should not be your first priority.

Jesus has to be your first priority

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Consider This When You Think Your Marriage Was a Mistake

There are many husbands and wives who think their marriage was a mistake. They’re looking back with regret at their decision to marry. And they’re wondering now if there is some reasonable way they can correct their mistake. They don’t want to hurt their spouse, their children, or their family. But they just can’t imagine having to live with their mistake for the rest of their lives.

marriage was a mistake

Maybe, this is the way you feel. Or, maybe you have a strong sense this is the way your spouse feels.

In either case, I understand this line of thinking. I’ve been there, on both sides. So I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone for feeling this way.

However, I do want to challenge this way of thinking and the reasonings that go along with it. Read more

Faith Doesn’t Measure the Size of the Mountain

Does the problem you’re dealing with look like a mountain in front of you? Maybe, you’re having trouble in your marriage. And the problem is bigger than what you think you can handle. Or, maybe you’re facing some other mountain size problem that is putting a strain on your marriage.

mountain

Whatever the problem may be, I want you to know I understand how you feel. I have felt that way many times, in my marriage and with other battles that affected my marriage. Many times I have felt like the problem was like a huge mountain in front of me.

But whenever I think a problem looks as big as a mountain I’m reminded of what Jesus said about moving a mountain. Read more

Marriage Covenant is NOT a Weapon to Use Against Your Spouse

Your marriage covenant is not an entitlement. And you should not take it for granted. You don’t get to say vows before a minister and expect that to be your guarantee to lifelong marriage. It takes more than that.

covenant

I believe many marriages are a lot less than they should be because people treat their marriage covenant as an entitlement. Their chase is over. They have what they wanted. Now they don’t have to give their marriage the same work they did when they were dating. When their former boyfriend or girlfriend had the freedom to walk away.

We believe in covenant 100%

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