You don’t have to settle for a marriage where you no longer feel passionate for each other. It doesn’t have to be that way. And you don’t have to dismiss a lack of passion in your marriage as something that passes with time. It is possible to keep the passion going for as long as you both shall live.
Janet and I are living proof that passion can be reborn in a marriage and it can be sustained for a lifetime. This week we will celebrate our thirty-first anniversary and we are probably more passionate for each other today than we ever have been, in spite of the fact that for many years we struggled to even like each other. And even if you have lost the passion you once had for each other, it is possible to Get Passion Back into Your Marriage.
I remember when I was a kid the first time I was appointed to be the class monitor. It was first grade and I was the new kid in school after my parents moved us to a new city half way through that first year. The teacher had to leave the classroom and so as she named me the classroom monitor she gave me the instructions of keeping a watch on the rest of my classmates and report back to her any bad behavior such as talking or getting out of their seats. I didn’t like the job. I wanted all of the other kids in class to like me and I thought for sure that being a classroom monitor would be held against me.
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NET) “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up.”
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NASB) “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,”
Depending on which translation of the bible you prefer you will often see the words jealous and envious interchanged with the other. The reason of course is both words can have similar negative meanings.
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16
“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:12-13
“knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers,19 but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.” 1 Peter 1:18-19
For many years I struggled with loving my wife. I could always say it and most of the time I felt it, but the challenge for me was knowing how to show it in a consistent way that made sense. Even when I thought I was showing love in one way, my other actions would contradict me and cause Janet to question if I really loved her or not.
One of the problems I had with loving my wife and my children was the way I would lose my patience with them. They just never knew when my patience would run out and I would turn on them in some sort of harsh demanding way. I didn’t want to treat them badly and I had no excuse for it. So I just blamed it on my lack of patience.
Have you been in that place where you feel if you keep giving your all to your marriage, you might end up wishing you hadn’t? Maybe, you thought, “this could help my marriage, but then again what if it doesn’t?” After all, you don’t want to give your all to a relationship that could hurt you. What if it doesn’t work out? You feel you have to hold back, just in case. If you did everything you could to really love your spouse and invest in your marriage and then turn around and still end up losing your marriage, wouldn’t you look like a fool?
Or maybe you find yourself in a battle with your spouse and your afraid of what might happen if you don’t win the argument or get your way in the situation. You don’t want to come across as the weak one in the relationship, so you take your stand and you remain strong through everything. Don’t let them see you cry. Don’t ever let your spouse think they got the best of you, right?
On a previous post, I Want To Know What Love Is, I talked about love as a feeling and how difficult it is to describe that feeling. In that post, I said, “not one time does the Bible refer to love as being something you feel.”
But after saying that and reading in the word this week I had to go back and edited that line. It now reads, “Not one time does the Bible refer to love as something you only feel.” The important change I made was adding only.
I had to make that change because to be honest love has to also be a feeling. It is that thing inside causing us to say, “I love you and I want to marry you.”
And when we do something that shows our love we explain, “I did it because I love you.” Read more
When I was a teenager I began to question, what is love? It seemed like a mystery to me. I remember thinking that love was something you could feel but there was no good way to define exactly what it was. I believed I knew from experience what love was, but I had no idea of how to explain it to anyone.
I suppose a lot of people have felt that way. Why else would people say “I think I’m in love.” Or on the other side of that, “I don’t think I love him/her anymore.” It sounds like it has always been a mystery when you hear so many different versions of, “well I like him/her, but I don’t know if I’m in love with him/her.” And then there is that thing people say when trying to explain how they feel by saying, “I do love him/her but I don’t think I’m IN LOVE with him/her, you know what I mean.” No, I can’t say I know what they mean when I hear that.
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21(NLT)
When I wrote the post “Held Together With Words,” I stressed the point of how valuable and powerful our words are and that it is with the words we speak that we create or tear down our own lives. I also talked about how important it is to maintain the integrity of our words by not contradicting ourselves with what we say.
So now I would like to go into a little more detail about our words. There are some words we should never use with our spouse, our children, or anyone else for that matter. It may sound funny for us as adults, but there are some Bad Words that we should not be using.