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When Love Feels Dead, Should The Marriage End

I understand why some think their marriage is over when the love they used to feel for their spouse now feels dead. After all, it seems ingrained in our thinking if something dies you must get rid of it and replace it.
A lot of people view love as something akin to planting a tree in the backyard. If it dies you dig it up and replace it with a new one. Or, when a pet dies and you replace it with a new one. We do the same with a lot of our relationships with other people as well. When friendships fade and die off, we look for new ones. When leaders or mentors lose their place in our lives, we find replacements.
feels dead 
It’s no wonder we approach marriage with the same mindset as we do all these other relationships. The feelings of love can and often do fade. And there are times when those feelings can be outright flat lined, dead, completely gone. But does this mean the marriage has to be over?

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Connection is Your Key For Whatever Your Marriage Needs

The condition of your marriage depends on the connections you have with your spouse. If you have poor connections your marriage will suffer and struggle to survive. If you have good connections your marriage will grow stronger and stronger as the years go by. So if you’re wanting to save your marriage. Or, if you’re wanting to strengthen your marriage, your connection is the key.

connection

For the longest time, I’ve been trying to answer a few questions about my own marriage. Such as, why did Janet and I struggle for so many years to keep our marriage together? Now that our marriage is strong, what has made the difference? And how is it that we clearly should have divorced on four different occasions, but somehow we survived each crisis? Read more

6 Reasons Why Divorce Doesn’t Happen in a Spirit-Filled Marriage

I recently heard a minister on the radio say “no Spirit-filled couple has ever divorced.” When I heard that I had to stop for a minute to consider what he said. Then when I thought about what the scripture teaches I had to agree with him.

Spirit-filled

I’ll explain why this is true. But first I will clarify what this is not saying. This statement is not saying a Spirit-filled person will never go through a divorce. There are many people that have been through a divorce that gave their best to God and their marriage. The divorce was against their will. It happened because of what was wrong in their spouse’s heart. One person living a Spirit-filled life is not enough for a Spirit-filled marriage. It takes two to make this statement true. Read more

Do You Speak Words to Create the Marriage You Want?

I wonder sometimes if we understand the value of our words. Do we realize there is power in what we say? God created us in His image. Which means, like Him we have the power to speak words into our world. And the words we speak can have a lasting impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.

speak words

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21

We can speak words that build up or we can speak words that tear down. It’s our choice. And you better believe as the verse says, we will reap the consequences of our choice. Read more

Watching a Marriage Fall Apart is Like Watching Someone’s Home Burn

Marriage ministry means a lot to us. We love helping couples build strong marriages. And we love helping hurting couples restore their marriages. But sometimes couples won’t let us help. Then when we watch a marriage fall apart it reminds me of a time I watched a family’s home burn to the ground.

watching marriage fall apart

I was a teenager at the time. My family and I were driving down the highway, almost home, when up ahead of we saw the flashing red lights of fire trucks. As we slowed down approaching the scene we could see a house was on fire. Read more

Marriage Covenant is NOT a Weapon to Use Against Your Spouse

Your marriage covenant is not an entitlement. And you should not take it for granted. You don’t get to say vows before a minister and expect that to be your guarantee to lifelong marriage. It takes more than that.

covenant

I believe many marriages are a lot less than they should be because people treat their marriage covenant as an entitlement. Their chase is over. They have what they wanted. Now they don’t have to give their marriage the same work they did when they were dating. When their former boyfriend or girlfriend had the freedom to walk away.

We believe in covenant 100%

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We Need Peacemakers When There is Division

I am grieved by the troubles in our world today. Everywhere we turn people are against one another. There are divisions over race, religious views, political views, social and economic status. And for many of us there is division in our own families. So I think everyone would agree, we need peacemakers.

we need peacemakers

I know this is a marriage blog and so I’m not trying to turn this into a current events article. But I believe some of the lessons we try to communicate to marriages, we can also apply to the world around us. After all, marriage is all about the journey of becoming united as one flesh. So why wouldn’t the same principles of unity work for our world around us? Read more

A Great Marriage Is As Easy As One, Two, Three.

I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I finally seen a glimmer of hope. Janet started showing she was willing to at least talk about us and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance.

But for her to give us another chance, she needed to be free from this other guy. So it was then, after I started feeling this new hope, that I felt I needed to make a phone call and talk to this guy. If only, I could get him to back off and give her some space so she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance.

a great marriage is easy as 1,2,3

 

After all these years I don’t remember too many details of that phone call, except for two statements. As our conversation started turning into more of an argument I heard him say, “well you know, it takes two to make a marriage!” And before I knew it and without any hesitation I answered back, “yeah, but it only takes one to quit!” Read more

Do You Believe Your Marriage Can Be Healed

Believing your marriage can be healed is tough sometimes. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels hopeless to close the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.

I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.

marriage can be healed

You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.

Matthew 19:26  And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Read more