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How Old Arguments Have Lingering Effects

Every now and then Janet and I discover that one or both of us still struggle with some lingering effect from the bad years of our marriage. about the things we have done to each other and to our marriage. So I want to share with you how our old arguments and constant fighting did more damage than I would’ve ever thought possible.

old arguments

Now I don’t want to give the wrong message here and cause discouragement to those still hoping to restore their marriage. Janet and I have overcome a lot and we are much better off having stayed together than we would have been if we had parted ways. It’s not that our marriage is in trouble or that it is threatened by our past. It’s just sometimes damage can take more work to overcome than anyone would have imagined.

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Identity Issues Can Wreak Havoc on a Marriage

In the past, if you ask me, “what do you do for a living?” as most men will ask one another, you would have heard me say “I work as an auto mechanic.” But you would have never heard me say, “I am an auto mechanic.” Because what I do to make a living is not the sum total of who I am.

 

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I am many things, I am complex.

 

First and most important, I am a child of God. Second, I am Janet’s husband. After that, I am Dad, father to my three children.

 

But I also see myself as Read more

Secrets For a Great Marriage From a Former Unhappy Wife

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which we are delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!  

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One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in my life is the fact that I spent nineteen years of my marriage being an unhappy wife when all along I could have been a very happy wife. I’ve had to mourn those wasted years. There gone now and there is nothing I can do to get them back. That’s why I am so thankful the Lord is redeeming that time for us.

Though if I could, I would go back and talk to my former self. Because there are some things I would like for her to know. There are some things I would like to say to her to encourage her and reassure her. So I would say…. Read more

A Glimmer of Hope

Today’s guest post from Melissa Titus is for our Stories of Redeemed Marriages

20130907_205047On our wedding day, I truly believed I was Cinderella. I was marrying my Prince Charming and all my dreams had (or soon would) come true. As Chris and I walked down the aisle as husband and wife for the first time to Etta James “At Last”, I was filled with the greatest joy I had ever known. At last I had someone to fulfill all my hopes and dreams, to meet all my needs, to fill the void. We grew up without many of our needs met. We learned to either take what we needed from others, to give up, or we just needed to wait for the “right” person to come along. We headed into happily ever after repeating these bad habits from childhood.

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Redeemed by 5:21, Grace and Nakedness.

We are starting a new page here on Redeeming Marriages, called Stories of Redeemed Marriages.

Today’s guest post is from Pearl.

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Pearl’s focus is restoring waning female libido and sexual intimacy in marriage because of her own challenges in this area. The grittiness of life (parenting children with learning differences and navigating the genepool of mental illness) has also shaped Pearl. Her luster comes from the HOPE she’s received from the beloved Word of God. She wishes to share HOPE with her beautiful readers to help them redeem their low-libido. You can find Pearl in the OysterBed (www.oysterbed7.com).

Redeemed by 5:21, Grace and Nakedness.

~ Pearl (& Mr. Muscle approved)

 

Within the first two weeks of marriage, my handsome, young husband made a wise statement that we would return to again and again. He invoked the 5:21 rule, “I want our marriage to always be based upon respect and communication.”

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Learning To Accept Your Spouse

Our spouses are unique in their own way. Individuals who have their own taste buds, their own thoughts, how they view the world through their own lenses, how they feel about circumstances, situations, sadness, pain, their past and the way they were brought up. Everyone of these things are ingredients that have made them who they are today. Not everything they say or do is wrong just because we say it is.

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When my husband and I first got married, his palate was not as diverse as mine. I grew up eating everything but the appliances. My mom is an awesome cook and so was my grandmother. We were expected to eat whatever was put before us with no grumbling or complaining. No matter who cooked it or what it was.

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Prophetic Eyes for Your Spouse

“Do you Jack, take Janet to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“Do you Janet, take Jack to be your lawfully wedded Husband?”

“I do.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

 

I remember the day we spoke those words like it was yesterday. I was a wide eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to one day be called a husband.

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Now looking back at that day thirty years later, I see a young man and a young woman who had no clue to what it really meant to be called “husband and wife.” We had the titles; by name, we did become husband and wife with those few words that were spoken. But we had no idea how much we would have to grow into the shoes we just put on. Read more

Is Your Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage?

My dream was to be married for life; I had made that life decision when I was thirteen years old. Yet, I kept finding ways to sabotage my dream. My behavior toward Janet and toward our marriage was destructive.

I remember once when I was seeking the Lord in order to save my marriage and I heard the Lord remind me in a gentle way, that I had reaped what I had sown.

Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage

I knew right away that He was not putting the blame on me for what Janet was doing wrong. He was simply letting me see how I had destroyed our marriage with the hurtful ways I had treated her.

Those words broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. I needed to know that our marriage problems were not all Janet’s fault. Just because she had chosen to give up on our marriage, the Lord would not Read more