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What Does a Good Marriage Look Like?

.The desire for a good marriage is a strong desire for most people. I’m sure, most people who are married or hopes to be married wants their marriage to be good. But how do you know if you have a good marriage if you’re not sure what a good marriage looks like?

good marriage

Sure, you can look around and compare your marriage to other couples. If their marriage appears good you will want to know if you have what they have.

If you think their marriage is built on great friendship, then maybe that’s what you need to have. They could be good communicators. Maybe that’s your answer. If they are romantic and affectionate with each other, that could be what your marriage needs. Or if they report having a very satisfying sex life you could think that is your answer as well. All of these and so much more are great qualities to have in marriage. Read more

When You’re the Only One Trying to Improve Your Marriage

Can one person make a difference in their marriage even when their spouse is not trying? My answer to that is a resounding, YES they absolutely can!

There is no question in my mind that even if only one spouse is trying, they alone can make a huge impact on their marriage, and if only one person is trying there is still tremendous hope for the marriage.

only one trying to improve marriage

I know some might say. “but, it takes two to make a marriage work.” I know because I have heard someone say that to me before and my reply was, “yeah, but it only takes one to quit.”

And so yes, it is true, to make a marriage work the way God designed it to work it does take two; both spouses working together becoming one.

But the question for some is, What good can one person do when they are the only one trying?

There are several suggestions I want to make on how one person can make a difference in their marriage. These are ideas that I have seen work in my own marriage and for many other marriages as well.

1) The first place to start is with prayer. Prayer is a powerful weapon for anyone to use and yet it is so often neglected. But the bible clearly says that instead of letting ourselves become overwhelmed with fear and worry we should take all of our request to the Lord.

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God.”

Praying for a spouse who is not giving their best or who has completely given up on their marriage is always the right place to start. Not only can prayer change their heart and turn them around, prayer should also change the one who is praying. Because sometimes it may be your own attitude or perspective that needs to be changed first. And if nothing else prayer is most vital to you during times of difficulty in order to keep you calm, at peace, and continually hopeful.

2) The next thing is don’t focus on the negatives that your marriage doesn’t have and start working with what you do have. Your marriage doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s marriage. It just needs to work for the two of you.

If you dwell on the negatives you see in your spouse or your marriage as a whole you are creating an atmosphere that will push your spouse further away from you. Your spouse cannot be forced to want to be close to you, they have to voluntarily want to be close to you. So you have to attract them with the positive, full of life, best of you that you can be.

3) If you have a hard time being positive and trusting in the Lord, that is a good sign there is some work that needs to be done in you first. Your spouse cannot be the one you expect to fix you. You have to allow yourself to be broken and humble before the Lord and allow Him to heal your issues from the past and restore you as the person He created you to be.

Often this type of inner healing requires some outside assistance from someone who is capable of seeing your situation objectively and is capable in leading you towards sound biblical answers. Don’t hesitate to turn to a counselor, pastor, or even a friend depending on the severity of what you need. Just be sure you choose someone who will give you Godly counsel that protects your marriage covenant and promotes your focus on you and the healing you need.

4) Invest in knowing what makes your spouse feel loved, appreciated, and wanted. Learn your spouse’s love language and speak it often. Just see yourself as someone who is planting seeds in a garden knowing that in due season if you do not faint you will see your harvest.

But don’t overdo it by appearing to be desperate or even fake. The thought here is to serve your spouse with love in subtle ways that will penetrate any hardness they have towards you. Love is hard for anyone to resist as long as it is genuine and is not used as a form of manipulation.

5) Look for ways to rekindle the romance. Get back to dating your spouse on a regular basis. Do what you can to turn up the heat on your sex life. Find other creative ways to be spontaneous and romantic. Again, the same here as with love language, just don’t come across as desperate, fake, and manipulative.

6) Work on communication at whatever level you’re at with your spouse. See communication as something you grow at doing. Don’t expect your spouse to jump into deep levels of communication if that is not something they want right now. You can make your desire for improving your marriage and your level of communication known to your spouse, but do not constantly remind them.

 

Finally, remember as long as you are willing to keep moving forward and you’re inviting God to do a work in your marriage you have plenty of reason to be hopeful and encouraged. After all, you are just one step away from two people trying to have a great marriage. And once your spouse is on board and with the Lord’s help, you can have the best marriage you ever dreamed possible.

Prophetic Eyes for Your Spouse

I remember the day we married like it was yesterday. We said our vows and the next thing you know the man pronounced us husband and wife. We knew the pronouncement made our marriage official. But we had no idea how much we needed prophetic eyes to understand what had just happened.

I was a wide-eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to be a husband.

prophetic eyes

Now looking back on that day thirty years later, I see a clueless young man and woman that knew very little about being husband and wife. We had the titles; by name, we did become husband and wife with those few spoken words. But we had no idea how much we would have to grow into the shoes we just put on. Read more

What if You’re the Only One Holding On?

If you are in the lonely position of holding on to save your marriage while your spouse says it’s over, then there is a good chance you’re seeking some help. But, you’re feeling frustrated with your desire to get help while your spouse doesn’t want to participate.

You asked to see a counselor together, attend a marriage class or a marriage retreat. But, your requests are met with cold hard rejections. And you probably heard some cruel words like “I don’t love you and I have never loved you.”

The only one holding on to marriage

There are times when you can’t sleep and there are times when you want to sleep all day. There are times when you’re alone and you feel desperately lonely, and there are times you are thankful to be alone so you can fall apart without your spouse knowing it. And then there are times when your spouse is near and yet the loneliness you feel grips your heart so tight you find it difficult to even breathe. Read more