I wonder sometimes if we understand the value of our words. Do we realize there is power in what we say? God created us in His image. Which means, like Him we have the power to speak words into our world. And the words we speak can have a lasting impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21
We can speak words that build up or we can speak words that tear down. It’s our choice. And you better believe as the verse says, we will reap the consequences of our choice. Read more
It’s easy to find yourself in a fight with your spouse without knowing how to let it go. You know you don’t want to be fighting. But the thing you’re fighting over seems too important, so you believe you must stand your ground. When this happens you need to know there are times when you have to lose the battle to save what you love.
There is a story in the bible that I think sets a great example for couples to follow. It’s a story that demonstrates the wisdom of king Solomon and how he resolved the conflict of two women. Read more
We first heard Dr. Slattery speaking as a co-host on Focus on the Family. So when we were asked to read and write a review for her new book our immediate reaction was, “absolutely, we would be honored.” We felt very confident that whatever she had to say about marriage would be well worth our time of reading and would definitely be something we would recommend to our readers. Read more
Have you ever found yourself arguing with your spouse and can’t remember what you started arguing about? Have you ever thought if you apologize and admit you were wrong, it could make you look weak? I must confess, before the Lord brought healing into our lives and marriage, I used to struggle with this way of thinking quite a bit. That’s why I want to share with you why I now believe it is extremely wrong to fight over who is right.
For many years I was easily caught in this scenario of fighting to prove I was right. It didn’t matter what the argument was about, I was determined from the beginning to prove my points and to prove I was right. And if it ever appeared Read more
Every now and then Janet and I discover that one or both of us still struggle with some lingering effect from the bad years of our marriage. about the things we have done to each other and to our marriage. So I want to share with you how our old arguments and constant fighting did more damage than I would’ve ever thought possible.
Now I don’t want to give the wrong message here and cause discouragement to those still hoping to restore their marriage. Janet and I have overcome a lot and we are much better off having stayed together than we would have been if we had parted ways. It’s not that our marriage is in trouble or that it is threatened by our past. It’s just sometimes damage can take more work to overcome than anyone would have imagined.
Here in the US one of our favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. It’s a time for family gatherings filled with traditions, some overindulgence of great food, and a time of reflection for the many blessings we have to be thankful for.
Unfortunately for far too many of us we can easily overlook the part of reflection and thankfulness. We allow Thanksgiving and the Christmas season become a time of crazy busyness and rush. And we forget how valuable it is to take time out for giving thanks. And definitely if our life is in a bad season we often lose sight of what we have to be thankful for.
There is a wrong way and a right way of letting go of the things that hurt you. When someone does us wrong or has bad behavior that offends us, we will often say “I just let it go,” or “I don’t even let it bother me.” But often when we think we are letting go of something that hurts us, the truth is the offence actually still has some effect on us and could be damaging to our future.
So what is the wrong way and the right way of letting something go?
I’ll be the first to admit I have a problem deciding when to throw something away and when to save it. The struggle I have is when I look at something thinking I might throw it away, I then think to myself, “maybe if I throw it away now I will one day in the future wish I still had it.” Because what I’m really trying to decide is, has this lost it’s usefulness to me, or does it still have some form of value to me?
That’s the same problem I see a lot people have when it comes to their marriage. They are trying to decide if their marriage has lost its usefulness to them or not. If they determine that it no longer has the value that it once did, such as “makes me happy,” “fulfills me,” “completes me,” or “satisfies all my needs,” they are ready then to dispose of it.
Like a low-grade fever that allows you to function even though you know something is wrong in your body, you could be living with a constant low-grade fever in your marriage. Your marriage survives from day-to-day because it doesn’t seem to be in critical condition, but you know internally there is a fight going on against something that isn’t quite right.
You may be one of the many couples who live with this condition for years and never do anything to fix the problem. But very often what seems to be a case of marriage with a simple cold eventually turns into a sickness that threatens the life of the marriage.
It isn’t that hard to recognize if your marriage has a fever or not. You know if your marriage doesn’t feel well. You know if there is problems in your marriage that should be resolved. If there is an irritation you feel toward your spouse, you know it. And you probably know if there is some irritation your spouse feels toward you. Read more