So You Say Your Marriage is Over?

Today I want to speak to a certain situation that may or may not be the one you are in right now. But chances are if you’re not there now you may have been there before. And hopefully we can work together to keep you from ever going there again.

Where is this place I’m talking about? It’s the place where a husband, a wife, or both, come to a point that they want to give up on their marriage. It’s over. Let’s be honest, this is a very real place for a lot couples. I know because we have been there ourselves, on more than one occasion.

If this is where you are or where you could see yourself one day soon. Or maybe you know of someone else who is in this place and you would like to know what you can say to help change their mind. Let me give you a few things we have learned about giving up on our marriage. And why we believe so much in marriage ministry.

Listen to the words of Jesus.

Mark 10:2-9

Some  Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and  began  to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted  a man  TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND  her  AWAY.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

  1. It is clear how Jesus views divorce. For a believer there should be no compromise from the position of being completely submitted to His will for your life. As a believer, your life does not belong to you and you have to surrender all rights over to the Lord. The Lord expects your commitment to your marriage.
  2. Jesus said the reason divorce even exist is because of the hardness of people’s heart. Being unforgiving, bitter, prideful, selfish, and unloving are some of the signs of hardness of heart. Love, forgiveness, humility, and selflessness are all signs of a tender heart and we all have to ability to choose these or not. This is why Love, forgiveness, humility, and sacrificing our will is always given as a matter of our choice in the Bible. We are commanded to do these.
  3. Finally, Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” This clause in the verse has been a place of confusion for some. Many people will justify their divorce with this clause and their interpretation of it and say their marriage was never put together by God in the first place. Therefore if God was not involved with bringing them together then they are not accountable to God for keeping their marriage together or not. The real truth here is that Jesus referred to the beginning of marriage and how God designed it to be. This is a covenant before God. Even if you were not a Christian when you were first married, you still entered into a sacred covenant before God. What Jesus was teaching us here is: you may not consider your marriage as sacred, but God does.

Finally, for someone who is not a Christian, or you are in a place where you are not willing to be completely surrendered to the Lord’s will. We know where you are and we still have something we want to share with you.

There was a time where my wife was not interested in what the Bible said, she had heard the word preached at her all her life and she had come to a place where she didn’t know what she believed anymore. She wanted out of our marriage and she was not going to let the Bible be used as weapon to whip her into shape.

But along the way she heard some very strong words of advise that really spoke to her. And it was this one thing that stood out to her and caused her to think about what she was doing. The advise she heard started moving her in a healthy direction for herself and eventually brought healing into our marriage. And now it is the same thing we tell others.

“If you want out of your marriage you have to work your way out.”

You don’t get to just say I quit and move on with your life like it never happened. You need to find some Godly counseling, go to a marriage class, go to a marriage retreat, read everything you can on marriage, such as blogs on Christian marriage or Christian books on marriage.

The truth is if you are in that place of wanting to quit you need to own up to your responsibility of doing everything that you can possibly do to save your marriage. You owe that to yourself, your spouse, your children, your family, and your God.

It is a very real fact of life, when you quit you can’t win. No matter how green you think the grass is somewhere else.

So who needs marriage ministry? Anyone who is wanting to give up on their marriage.

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Thanks for reading and please feel free to post your comments. We would love to hear from you even if what we have said has stung a little.

 

17 Comments

  1. I love your heart for helping marriages stay the course. Excellent post and a much needed voice in this culture of divorce.

    • jackandjanet

      Thanks Debi, we do love helping marriages stay the course.

  2. YES!! Let’s encourage people to live in the whole bible, the fullness of God’s Word, and not pull out the part that justifies what we “want” to do…like get a divorce due to adultery. Thanks for sharing this awesome word!!

  3. jackandjanet

    Thanks Sherry, we’re glad you liked this post. And thank you for sharing!!

  4. Praying so hard for my friend who is in the same place your wife was. It breaks my heart to hear her rationalize her way out of her marriage.

  5. jackandjanet

    I know what you mean Jamie. It is out of the same heartbreak that has stirred our hearts to write this series. Thanks for reading and for your commenting and just keep praying for your friend.

  6. jackandjanet – Love the emphasis on the hard heart. Those with hard hearts won’t work on it, so anyone tempted to just walk needs to realise they are showing strong signs of a hard heart.

    • jackandjanet

      Marriage Bed, thanks for your comment. It is a sad fact that we know people on a personal level who are living examples of what Jesus taught. This hard heart issues is out of control.

  7. Thank you for your candidness on this topic. My husband and I have been at that place and God made it known to us that in no uncertain terms, the problem was both of us. We had work to do. We still do!! We are learning and investing our energy not into divorce or giving up, but into renovating our marriage. Getting into our places under God is what it’s all about. Surrendering to His will not ourselves.

  8. jackandjanet

    Cassandra, thanks for reading this post and thank you for the comment. And yes, it is about surrendering to His will not our own.

  9. Megan Wraight

    Brilliant post, we can relate also, and you’re spot on! The hard heart issue is definitely out of control and it’s horrible to see what hardness of heart can do to someone you love. Guess that’s why we’re instructed to guard our hearts!

    • jackandjanet

      Thank you Megan. You are so right about the importance of guarding our hearts. This post could have mentioned that as well.
      Blessings!
      Jack

  10. Vanessa

    I really like what was said.. I’m at the place where my husband doesn’t want to try.. He says it will take a miracle to save our marriage.. I’m not only worried about our marriage but him also..I pray God will show up..

  11. Tito

    I feel emotionally drained. My wife has crossed the line so bad. Yes i truly forgive her. But our kids are the ones who are suffering. They don’t want to live with my wife at her apartment. The divorce is still going through. But out of all this I still have hope. Is that weird or what. I have this anger,bitterness and most of all betrayal towards her. Not because what she did to me, but what she is doing to our kids. Man this looks bleak and dark. I know GOD has a purpose, what I have no idea. My 10 yr old son told me recently. Dad you should find a girlfriend who’s better than mom. It literally broke my heart. I said no son I am still a married man under God’s eyes & law. Your mom can do what she wants. All we need to do is continue to pray for her. I know God can part the red sea. I pray He intervenes in our marriage. Most importantly I pray Jesus intervenes in my wife before its to late
    Thank you for listening
    God bless Tito Hernandez

  12. Richard

    It has been 7months of separation and mediation is in 3 weeks. I don’t want the divorce and I feel in my heart it won’t happen. I need prayer though, my wife is completely against saving it. 12 years and a 3 year old daughter. I pray constantly and I have read and acted as best I can from each of these articles. I don’t know what to do though. It was financial, now I have more than enough money and still can’t save my marriage. I ask God why but don’t feel a answer. Can you pray we are restored. I follow the path with God the best I can. Yet I’m still lost in this. I know God is there for me but the pain is getting stronger again. Should I fight for counseling or will it make things worse. She is against it but I just can’t help but feel we are not over. Thank you for your time in reading this. Please pray for us everyone

    • yvonne

      Keep on fighting and praying God will help

  13. Kat Kiser

    Me and my husband are going thru a separation right now. He has been gone since June 19th we have no kids together but we have been married since May 2011. I love my husband and I want our marriage to work. I haven’t got to talk to him since he left he dont want me to know where he is. And I have felt so lost but I know God has a plan for us. I strongly believe that my precious God will work our hearts. My faith in the lord has been as small as a Mustard seed, but i want to grow in christ. I want to become a better Christian not just for my marriage but for me so I can have a wonderful relationship with god. MY husband is very very special to me but I want my relationship with god to be stronger before we reconcile. I want the lord to have all of me before I take on working on my marriage. I have faith that God will lead me down the road I need to travel. I love God gave me life gave me a beautiful family and gave me a husband. He has given me so much and i take for granted all the wonderful things he has done for me. I havent put god first in my life like I did in the past. I have backslide on God so much. I want God in my life first and then my husband. Pls pray for me as I take this time to get closer to God and start living the life I need to live. Pray for my Husband so his faith in christ can come first only then thru our love for christ i feel like me and him can love each other and be where God wants us to be. God you are so wonderful and amazing thank u for all u do in my life. Let me put u first in all things like u deserve lord.

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