There are many of you who are in a difficult place right now. Your marriage is in trouble. And all you know to do is stand your ground and believe in the restoration of your marriage. You’re in one of the greatest challenges a person can face in life. And I know some of you ask yourself how much more you can take.
I want you to know Janet and I admire and appreciate every one of you facing this battle. It takes a lot of courage and conviction to take this stand. As many of you know I have been there, and I know too well how difficult it is.
Your story may be different from what I went through. But I understand the delicate balance you have to walk between heartache and hope. One minute your heart is so torn and broken you don’t think you can go any further. Then the next minute your heart is so alive with hope for your future. If you can just hang on a little longer.
Sometimes your spouse has a lot to do with how much heartache or hopes you feel. You hang on to every little word and every little action trying to read into which direction your spouse will take. Then there are times when your spouse gives you no reason to hope at all. Yet you hold onto hope anyway.
It’s your decision
I also know that your decision to stand for your marriage is yours and yours alone. I heard lots of doubters telling me I should just divorce my wife. And I heard a little bit of encouragement telling me to keep believing. So I had to decide for myself.
But I have to be honest with you, standing for our marriage did not come from a conviction I had no choice. I believed God gave me the freedom to make my own decision. However, standing for our marriage did come from two other strong convictions.
First, I strongly did not want to ever go through a divorce. For me, the possibility of divorce was the worst thing I could possibly face in life next to a death of a child or something that tragic. So I don’t know if it was the fear of divorce or the deep desire to be married for life, either way, I wanted no part of ending my marriage.
Secondly, I stood for our marriage out of my strong conviction that my wife was making a mistake. And if I didn’t stand for our marriage, her life would have been filled with more heartache and disappointment.
Standing was my choice
So for me to stand or not stand for our marriage was a choice God gave me. I believed it was something He was asking me to do but was not demanding me to do. I felt the assurance from the Lord that my life was going to be okay as long as I held onto Him no matter what happened to our marriage.
There was even one time when I was worshiping the Lord and I felt the reality of divorce trying to grip my heart so bad I could hardly stand it. Then the Lord spoke to my heart and said His grace would see me through it. From that moment on the fear of divorce no longer tormented me.
So we write here on this blog, post on Facebook, and tweet on Twitter a lot to help encourage those of you who are standing for your marriage. We believe in what you’re doing and we will continue to stand with you.
While at the same time I hope we do not come across as condemning or judgmental toward anyone who decides they can no longer stand. We are not blind to the fact that a lot of marriages will not make it. And we know there will be couples divorcing every day for careless and selfish reasons.
It is not our place to decide who tries to save their marriage. Nor is it our job to say how far people can go when they do try. Our purpose is to share hope and encouragement to those who want to save their marriage in the same way we would encourage someone to pursue their dreams, regardless of what the circumstances look like.
Will it be foolish?
This type of encouragement may seem naive and foolish to some. But for anyone who has ever been faced with an impossible situation and seen it work out the way we have, they know what seems naive and foolish can actually be the best move they ever made.
I stood for my marriage and even if it had not worked out I believe I still would not have regretted giving it every possible chance I could. What I would have regretted was if I had given up on my marriage and then later realize it could have been saved if I had held on a little longer.
So this choice is yours. It is a choice you make between yourself and God. No one else can tell you what you should do. But if you’re looking for encouragement to keep standing no matter what the circumstances look like, then you’ve come to the right place. This is what we are here for. This is what Redeeming Marriages is all about, along with sharing truths to prevent marriages from breaking down in the first place.
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