Don’t Run From the Pain

I came to the place in my life that I could no longer run from the pain. My life was a mess and I needed help. I had stuffed all my pain and hurt deep inside from the wounds from others and wounds that were self-inflicted. So I turned to a counselor to help me out of my prison.

don't run from the pain

I was dealing with abandonment issues from both my mother and my father. I had been abused from early childhood through my adult life. Three different men molested me from age 6 till 11. One of the men did it more than 20 times. I was date raped twice when I was a teenager. I was physically abused by my father and a couple of times in my first marriage. And I dealt with emotional abuse from my father, my first husband, and in my marriage with Jack.

You Can Become Better or Bitter, the Choice is Yours

The challenges we face in life are tough sometimes. Challenges with our health, our job, our children, or our marriage are the type of challenges almost everyone will have to deal with at one point or another. But in every challenge, we face we have to make a conscious decision. Will we choose to let the situation make us better, or will we let it make us bitter?

become better or bitter

I’ve seen the importance of this choice time after time. Not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many others. And every time a person allows themselves to become bitter there is always a severe price that comes with making the wrong choice. Let me share a few examples.

A Great Marriage Is As Easy As One, Two, Three.

I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I finally saw a glimmer of hope. Janet started showing she was willing to at least talk about our marriage and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance.

But for her to give us another chance, she needed to be free from this other guy. So it was then, after I started feeling this new hope, that I felt I needed to make a phone call and talk to this guy. If only, I could get him to back off and give her some space so she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance.

a great marriage is easy as 1,2,3

 

After all these years I don’t remember too many details of that phone call, except for two statements. As our conversation started turning into more of an argument I heard him say, “well you know, it takes two to make a marriage!” And before I knew it and without any hesitation, I answered back, “Yeah, but it only takes one to quit!”

Do You Believe Your Marriage Can Be Healed

Believing your marriage can be healed is tough sometimes. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels hopeless to close the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.

I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.

marriage can be healed

You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.

Matthew 19:26  And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Are You Trying to Change, or Are You Just Smoothing Things Over

Do you want to know the reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before our marriage straighten out? Do you want to know what had to change before we could have the marriage we both wanted? The thing that had to change was I had to stop trying to just smooth things over.

real change is not just smoothing things over

There was a cycle we were going through and it was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I kept finding a way to undo all the previous good I did to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end, all I was doing was going through my own cycle.

Are You Drawing Lines in The Sand

What are your deal breakers? Do you draw lines in the sand? Is there a point where you will say enough is enough? I believe most of us are fully committed to our marriage. We hold onto the words: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” But I also know exceptions are made sometimes. Given the right circumstances, most of us can be pushed to the point where we draw our line in the sand.

lines in the sand

My deal breaker was infidelity. I had seen so much of it growing up and I knew how much pain it caused. So, I became very afraid it. My fear even pushed me into a place of denial the first two times my marriage was in trouble. I was willing to accept my wife had had emotional affairs. But I couldn’t handle knowing she had been sexually intimate with someone else. When she confessed her first affair, I reacted so severely she immediately retracted it. And then, told me only as much as I was willing to accept.

Book: 25 Questions … About Love, Sex, and Intimacy

Book review: 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy, by Dr. Juli Slattery

25 questions

We first heard Dr. Slattery speaking as a co-host on Focus on the Family. So when we were asked to read and write a review for her new book our immediate reaction was, “absolutely, we would be honored.” We felt very confident that whatever she had to say about marriage would be well worth our time of reading and would definitely be something we would recommend to our readers.

4 Reasons Why It’s Wrong To Fight Over Who’s Right

Have you ever found yourself arguing with your spouse and can’t remember what you started arguing about? Have you ever thought if you apologize and admit you were wrong, it could make you look weak? I must confess, before the Lord brought healing into our lives and marriage, I used to struggle with this way of thinking quite a bit. That’s why I want to share with you why I now believe it is extremely wrong to fight over who is right.

wrong to fight

 

For many years I was easily caught in this scenario of fighting to prove I was right. It didn’t matter what the argument was about, I was determined from the beginning to prove my points and to prove I was right. And if it ever appeared

Why Marriage Restoration is Better Than a Brand New Marriage

There is something special about brand new. When something brand new comes in your life there are special feelings that come with it. A new car, a new house, new clothes, new tools, new appliances, all share in common that special feeling.

marriage restoration

The same can be said about a new marriage. There is excitement and hopeful anticipation for what the future will hold. You don’t know everything this new journey will encounter. But you believe the two of you together can conquer the world.

A brand new marriage, whether it’s the first, second, third or whatever, feels like a new start. There is no bad history, bad memories, or bad feelings between husband and wife. They can take everything they know about life and relationships and apply it to this new marriage. And everything should work out just fine.