These two simple words “I’m sorry,” can be so powerful for growing your marriage and yet these two words are so seldom heard.
I’m sure you know saying “I love you” is very important for a strong healthy marriage, but confessing your faults to each other and saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong” should be just as important to you as saying “I love you.”
Confessing you are wrong is actually a major part of demonstrating your love for your spouse. It can be an act of devotion to your marriage and love for your spouse for a number of reasons.
Confession shows love
It shows consideration for your spouse’s feelings by recognizing and owning up to how your spouse has been hurt by something you did or said. And even your spouse’s needs and wants are shown to be important to you when you confess how you have been neglectful.
Confessing your faults lets your spouse know how committed you are to your marriage. The two of you are both responsible for the well-being of your marriage. So your commitment to your marriage must be demonstrated by a commitment to confess your faults to each other. This commitment is necessary if you want real growth and change to take place in your marriage.
Saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” and then putting to practice some real change shows love by your willingness to swallow your pride. It is an act of humbling yourself for your spouse and the well-being of your marriage.
When you confess your faults you make yourself accountable to your spouse. It shows you’re wanting to make changes and you want help from your spouse. This allows you to be more open to how your spouse can watch out for your blind-side and point out the failures that you have not been aware of. This will also create greater oneness for the two of you.
Words require actions
If you’re saying “I’m sorry” over and over again and expecting it to excuse your actions with no real effort to change, then you’re not really confessing in order to bring change. For real growth and change in your life and your marriage there has to be some corresponding actions that go with your confessions of wrongdoing.
What should you confess?
Your willingness to say “I’m sorry” speaks volumes to your spouse and it doesn’t have to be just the big events either. Even the smallest act of inconsideration on your part can send the wrong message to your spouse. So build a lifestyle of confessing even in the small moments. This practice will not only help prevent the bigger moments, but when those bigger events happen, confessing your faults will come a lot quicker with less resistance on your part.
Somebody has to go first.
Don’t ever resist apologizing and confessing your faults because you feel your spouse should make the first move, or because you get tired of accepting the blame while your spouse refuses to. This is not about keeping score.
Yes it would be better if both you and your spouse would accept this lifestyle of confessing. But you can only be responsible for your own actions and if you refuse, you will only have yourself to blame.
And when you go first, even when it is you doing it alone, you never know when that moment of breakthrough will happen for your spouse. Your commitment to a lifestyle of confessing can open the door for your spouse to join you.
Grace and forgiveness
It should go without saying, but a lifestyle of confessing your faults to one another has to be combined with grace and forgiveness. When you stand on the truths that grace and forgiveness teaches us, you know “we all stumble in many ways………,” James 3:2. And “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8
So knowing there is no place for being judgmental you have to give grace and forgiveness if you want to receive grace and forgiveness. It is only through grace and forgiveness that you will be able to build a safe and secure place in your marriage. And from that safe and secure place your confessions will lead to healing and growth in your marriage.
Question: What is the most challenging part of Growing Your Marriage Through Confession?
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I am diagnosed with anxiety. And when I have to confess my fault to my spouse I get real nervous. To the point of shaking. I’m always wondering if it’s the right time or if I will ruin the moment she’s having laughing at something on tv. I’m so bad at timing that I tried to confess while she was in the bed. Needless to say that didn’t go well. I need help.
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