Home » A Great Marriage Is As Easy As One, Two, Three.

A Great Marriage Is As Easy As One, Two, Three.

I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I finally saw a glimmer of hope. Janet started showing she was willing to at least talk about our marriage and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance.

But for her to give us another chance, she needed to be free from this other guy. So it was then, after I started feeling this new hope, that I felt I needed to make a phone call and talk to this guy. If only, I could get him to back off and give her some space so she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance.

a great marriage is easy as 1,2,3


After all these years I don’t remember too many details of that phone call, except for two statements. As our conversation started turning into more of an argument I heard him say, “well you know, it takes two to make a marriage!” And before I knew it and without any hesitation, I answered back, “Yeah, but it only takes one to quit!”

It only takes one to quit

A great marriage is as easy as one, two, three. So the first step is you have to stay married if you want a great marriage

So, don’t be the one that says ” I quit.”
Be the one that says “I will never give up on my marriage.”
Don’t be the one that pulls away and builds walls.
Be the one that stays engaged in the relationship.
Don’t be the one that sabotages and undermines the relationship.
Be the one who will find ways to make investments into your marriage.

Take the words quit, divorce, it’s over, out of your vocabulary. Commitment is everything, and the only way to make it all the way is to stay committed to the course you are on. Is it going to be hard sometimes? Yes. Will it take a lot of work? Yes. Does it take courage? Yes. That’s why you made a vow. No one ever made a vow to do something that was always going to be pleasant or easy. A vow of commitment is for the very purpose of seeing you through the hard times.

Step two

It Takes TwoIt takes two to make a marriage,” he said, trying to ridicule me for the way I had treated my marriage. And in fact, those words did strike a nerve with me. Those words did remind me of how much I had failed my marriage. And those words did help to open my eyes to what I needed to do differently.

Because I was the one who still wanted my marriage. But I really had no idea what it took to “make a marriage.” For me, as long as I worked to provide and come home every night to my wife and children, that qualified me as a good husband. As long as I would stay committed to never leave my family, that qualified me as a good husband.

I didn’t physically abuse my wife and kids, I didn’t gamble, I didn’t abuse drugs or alcohol. I didn’t make the mistakes I watched other people make in their marriage. My dream was to stay married for life and as far as I knew, I was doing marriage the way I should.

It actually took a few more years and a fourth trip down the road of nearly losing my marriage before I finally started to understand what it took for “two to make a marriage.” 

And for two to make a marriage I had to learn a few things.

  • I learned that love is something we should show and not just say. My wife has a love language and I had to learn how to speak it.
  • I learned that a marriage requires nourishment. It should always be growing and never to be a place where we have arrived.
  • I learned that it was okay for us to be different in many ways. Our differences are there to compliment each other, not to combat each other.                    
  • I learned that marriage is about oneness. A fusion where two people become one. A single identity that we both share.

Marriage is not what we do – it is who we are. It is not my marriage or Janet’s marriage. It’s our marriage. It’s not about either one of us as individuals. But who we are together. So, we are two joined together as one.

So, a great marriage is as easy as one, two, three.

  • Easy step number one: Don’t quit, a great marriage is just ahead.
  • Easy step number two: Give up your singleness and be joined together.

Step Three

The truth is it has not been that easy for us. Actually, we consider ourselves very blessed to have the marriage we have today. Especially, when we had to learn so many lessons the hard way.

For one, we learned to take quit out of our marriage. Then we learned both of us had to continually invest in the health of our relationship. And finally, we learned “to have a great marriage it actually takes three.”


For two people, who have been as imperfect as we have been, to try to make a life long commitment work is absolutely impossible without the Lord’s help every step of the way.

The Bible says “a cord of three strands is not easily broken” (Ecc.4:12). When we have Jesus at the center of our marriage we are woven together in a three-way relationship that is not only healthy and strong but is also powerful.

3 reasons why this truth helped us build a great marriage.

1)  Our mutual desire to serve Him draws us closer together. Then the closer we are to the Lord, the closer we are drawn to each other.

2)  As we both walk in relationship with Jesus we are taking on His nature and expressing His attributes. We are becoming like Him.

We want to love each other as He loves; unconditionally.
We want to forgive each other as He forgives; with no limits.
We want to accept each other the way He accepts; with grace.

3)  As the Lord, in our lives, He gives us what we can’t give each other. 

  • Our security and significance are in Him. He gives us our value and therefore we do not have to put that burden on each other.
  • He is our counselor. We can go to Him and receive wisdom, guidance, and relief from our stress.
  • He is our helper. He gives us an inner voice that helps us pick up on our blind spots and teaches us how to love and care for each other in ways we would otherwise miss.

4)  Knowing that Jesus is Lord in each other, we learn to trust what each other has to say and give. We know sometimes the voice of the Lord will actually sound just like our spouse. Because He will be using us both to speak His words into each other’s lives.

So there you have it – EASY AS ONE, TWO, THREE.
One: don’t quit, a great marriage is just ahead. Two: Give up your singleness and be joined together. Three: Let Jesus help. When you let Jesus into the center of everything you do, your marriage will be better than you ever hoped or dreamed it could be.



Are you having trouble with either one of these steps? Share with us in the comments. Janet and I and the whole community of Redeeming Marriages followers are here to help.


  1. Tam says:

    I was wondering if there is any hope in our marriage because it us my husband who has continually talked about splitting up when we had disagreements, that was his answer never bringing any commitment or security to me or us a couple and he is not a follower of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is jealous and critical of my relationship with God and any care or concern that I show for my side of the family including my adult son and grandkids. So is there any hope for us? He us not agreeable to marriage counseling and goes out if his way to hurt me by sleeping in the other room when he knows I hate that feeling abandoned. We’ve been married 26 years and the only reason is because I have never given up but things are getting worse. He treats me as if he hates me and says he can’t stand to be around me. I don’t know if he’s having an affair but his behavior has changed in the last year with a lot if secrecy and sneakiness. What do you think?

    • Jack says:

      Hi Tam,

      I answered some of your questions on the other comment. So here I want to talk to you about the hope you asked about. I wrote a post about this before,
      9 Ways to Keep from Losing Hope. I think that would be very helpful for you to read. Basically, I stress this all the time. You don’t base your hope on what you see in your husband. Your hope has to be based on who God is and what is possible when God is able to work in a situation. I know that may seem so far out of reach. But then again, your husband may be dealing with some convictions already and is fighting hard against it. Just give it some time and see how it goes when you follow the things I have mentioned here and on the other post.

      Blessings to you!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hello. My husband has lost hope. He doesn’t want to do anything to try and save the marriage. I have paid for coaching…He won’t show…I have invited him to church and he showed once. He keeps saying he wants out and I get mad and say if you want out then be out! I found him at another woman’s house 4 months ago. I’m still here trying to convince him that I am here for the long haul. But my patience and hope are both running very low. I’m drained and stressed. We have a young son who is also having a hard time with this… What should I do?

  3. Anonymous says:

    God Bless you,

    I also made a life commitment to stay married for life. I wanted to break the chain handed from my grandparents to my parents and every aunt (my grandparents only had daughters) in our family. They’ve all had a divorce.

    However, I fear that this commitment to stay married for life has made me loose sight of my value as a woman and human being. You see, I feel like I have a collection of names of women that my husband has had “emotional” (texts and social media) affairs with. I don’t have evidence of physical affairs, he denies any physical affairs and I don’t trust that he’s being honest.

    He wants to prove himself, but what makes this time different? I don’t think I can keep this up anymore, living in constant doubt and top it off he’s never been affectionate and treats me as an enemy rather than family.

    Each time I convince myself that texts are not sufficient to break my family and put my kids through the pain of separation. However, I’ve come to realize that is the lack of trust that’s unbearable. Each time he has been caught and each time he denies until he’s backed into a wall and finally confesses. Then, he pressures me to forgive and forget! I often find myself feeling guilty for not “letting go.” Therefore, what’s the point? If I stay to be hurt again or to be trapped in eternal doubt.

    I know God asks us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves and to forgive as God has forgiven us. When God forgives he truly forgets and that is my struggle.

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