“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21(NLT)
When I wrote the post “Held Together With Words,” I stressed the point of how valuable and powerful our words are and that it is with the words we speak that we create or tear down our own lives. I also talked about how important it is to maintain the integrity of our words by not contradicting ourselves with what we say.
So now I would like to go into a little more detail about our words. There are some words we should never use with our spouse, our children, or anyone else for that matter. It may sound funny for us as adults, but there are some Bad Words that we should not be using.
I will just focus on the words that relate to our marriages, but you may also see how they could translate in other relationships as well. I’m not at all attempting to cover every Bad Word, just the ones that have become so important to us in our marriage.
I will list these Bad Words in two categories; obvious and not so obvious.
Obvious Bad Words are the most important and it doesn’t take much imagination to see why you must stay away from them. These are words or phrases that a lot of married couples have already made a decree to never use.
- Any use of the word divorce should be the first thing you band. When you use it in anger or as a threat to try to sway your spouse in your direction, it just seems to open up doors you never wanted to open. Once this word is used your own commitment to your marriage covenant will start to break down and your spouse’s trust in the security of your relationship will start breaking down.
- Other versions of the D word also apply here as well. Such as, “I think we should separate,” “maybe we need some time apart,” “why don’t you just leave,” and “don’t let the door hit you on your way out.”
- Also words like ” I hate you,” “I don’t love you anymore,” and “I never loved you,” are all obvious words that you should not use in your marriage. There may be times when your feelings are getting the best of you and there may be times when you are confused by your emotions, but you can never let your emotions determine your life for you. Remember love is more about what we do than it is what we feel. For more on emotions check out, “Where is your caboose.”
Not so Obvious:
There are some other Bad Words that are not so obvious but should also be taken seriously. These words are called generalization words and when they are used they cause more harm in your marriage than you might imagine. They are hurtful derogatory words and they are extreme exaggerations.
Some of these words or phrases are: Always, Never, Anything, Whatever, and Just like
- Always: “You always lie” “You always do that _________ when we are with my family.” “You’re always causing us to be late.” You always say you’re going to do it, but you don’t” “You always talk to me like I’m stupid”
- Never: “You never do anything I want to do” “You never treat me like I’m important to you” “You’re never home on time” “You never listen to me”
- Anything and Whatever: “You never do anything for me, but you always do whatever your friends want”
- Just like: “You’re just like your mother” “You’re just like your father” “You act just like my ex” “You’re just like all men” “You’re just like all women” “You’re acting just like a jerk”
These Bad Words are subtle and there like what the bible describes as “little foxes that destroy the vine.” They have a way of undermining your marriage and breaking down your communication in at least three ways.
- They cause hurt feelings and they damage character which causes walls of defense to build up between you and your spouse. Good communication will only take place in a safe and secure environment.
- Because these words are exaggerations of any point you’re trying to make, you will ultimately undermine your own creditably.
- When you use these Bad Words you are saying to your spouse that you have no appreciation for any attempt they are making to do things right. Thereby causing them to possibly give up on even trying to please you.
I’m sure there are some more of these Bad Words that we could add. But at least this gives us something to think about and hopefully learn to put a guard over our mouths.
If you would like to leave us a comment or maybe suggest some of your own Bad Words to avoid, we would love to hear from you.