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Is Your Marriage Restoration More Important Than Your Relationship With God

I wrote an article awhile back called Why Marriage Restoration Should Not Be Your First Priority. I wrote that to express how knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior is far more important than overcoming marriage trouble. Because a few times I have dealt with someone wanting help to save their marriage. While at the same time they had no interest in knowing Jesus or allowing Jesus to help them. For them, their marriage restoration was more important than a relationship with God.

relationship with God

Then, recently I heard from a man who has been struggling to restore his marriage. He told me about his prayers and how he has been seeking God for answers. He said God has given him peace even though his situation hasn’t improved. And then he told me how someone else has accused him of putting his marriage first, instead of his relationship with God. Read more

Consider This When You Think Your Marriage Was a Mistake

There are many husbands and wives who think their marriage was a mistake. They’re looking back with regret at their decision to marry. And they’re wondering now if there is some reasonable way they can correct their mistake. They don’t want to hurt their spouse, their children, or their family. But they just can’t imagine having to live with their mistake for the rest of their lives.

marriage was a mistake

Maybe, this is the way you feel. Or, maybe you have a strong sense this is the way your spouse feels.

In either case, I understand this line of thinking. I’ve been there, on both sides. So I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone for feeling this way.

However, I do want to challenge this way of thinking and the reasonings that go along with it. Read more

Marriage Covenant is NOT a Weapon to Use Against Your Spouse

Your marriage covenant is not an entitlement. And you should not take it for granted. You don’t get to say vows before a minister and expect that to be your guarantee to lifelong marriage. It takes more than that.

covenant

I believe many marriages suffer from abuse and/or neglect because people treat their marriage covenant as an entitlement. Their hunt is over. They caught their prey. Now they don’t have to give their marriage the same work as they did when they were dating. When their former boyfriend or girlfriend had the freedom to walk away.

We believe in covenant 100%

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Dont Run From the Pain

I came to the place in my life that I could no longer run from the pain. My life was a mess and I needed help. I had stuffed all my pain and hurt deep inside from the wounds from others and wounds that were self inflicted. So I turned to a counselor to help me out of my prison.

 don't run from the pain

I was dealing with abandonment issues from both my mother and my father. I had been abused from early childhood all the way through my adult life. Three different men molested me from age 6 to ll. One of the men did it more than 20 times. I was date raped twice when I was a teenager. I was physically abused from my father and a couple of times in my first marriage. And I dealt with emotional abuse from my father, my first husband, and in my marriage with Jack. Read more

You Can Become Better or Bitter, the Choice is Yours

The challenges we face in life are tough sometimes. Challenges with our health, our job, our children, or our marriage are the type of challenges almost everyone will have to deal with at one point or another. But in every challenge we face we have to make a conscious decision. Will we choose to let the situation make us better, or will we let it make us bitter?

become better or bitter

I’ve seen the importance of this choice time after time. Not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many others. And every time a person allows themselves to become bitter there is always a severe price that comes with making the wrong choice. Let me share a few examples. Read more

Are You Trying to Change, or Are You Just Smoothing Things Over

Do you want to know the reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before our marriage straighten out? Do you want to know what had to change before we could have the marriage we both wanted? The thing that had to change was I had to stop trying to just smooth things over.

real change is not just smoothing things over

There was a cycle we were going through and it was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I kept finding a way to undo all the previous good I did to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end, all I was doing was going through my own cycle.

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Why Marriage Restoration is Better Than a Brand New Marriage

There is something special about brand new. When something brand new comes in your life there are special feelings that come with it. A new car, a new house, new clothes, new tools, new appliances, all share in common that special feeling.

marriage restoration

The same can be said about a new marriage. There is excitement and hopeful anticipation for what the future will hold. You don’t know everything this new journey will encounter. But you believe the two of you together can conquer the world.

A brand new marriage, whether it’s the first, second, third or whatever, feels like a new start. There is no bad history, bad memories, or bad feelings between husband and wife. They can take everything they know about life and relationships and apply it to this new marriage. And everything should work out just fine.

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Where Marriage Healing Begins

Tho desperation I felt to save our marriage was tremendous. I had waited so long for signs of hope and yet so many times it seemed my hopes were dashed. I had no problem accepting I had hurt our marriage, and so all I could think was trying to fix the problems I helped create.

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After a good while into our last separation my wife finally decided to go see a counselor. There were a lot of issues she had been dealing with from her childhood and she finally reached a point where she said enough is enough. She wanted the stuff that had tormented her all of her life to be gone once and for all.

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Is Your Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage?

My dream was to be married for life; I had made that life decision when I was thirteen years old. Yet, I kept finding ways to sabotage my dream. My behavior toward Janet and toward our marriage was destructive.

I remember once when I was seeking the Lord in order to save my marriage and I heard the Lord remind me in a gentle way, that I had reaped what I had sown.

Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage

I knew right away that He was not putting the blame on me for what Janet was doing wrong. He was simply letting me see how I had destroyed our marriage with the hurtful ways I had treated her.

Those words broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. I needed to know that our marriage problems were not all Janet’s fault. Just because she had chosen to give up on our marriage, the Lord would not Read more