Anytime your marriage is in trouble it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to get down on yourself and let regret and fear overtake you. But for your marriage to overcome this trial you have to take a stand against discouragement. For you to take that stand I want to share with you some thoughts on why and how you should encourage yourself.
I remember when I was a young boy in school just learning to read. One of my favorite books was “The Little Engine That Could.” Though I don’t remember the full story, I still remember it was about a little engine pulling a train up a steep hill and how he kept repeating the words, “I think I can, I think I can.” Those words were what the little engine needed to encourage himself to climb that hill.
I wrote an article awhile back called Why Marriage Restoration Should Not Be Your First Priority. I wrote that to express how knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior is far more important than overcoming marriage trouble. Because a few times I have dealt with someone wanting help to save their marriage. While at the same time they had no interest in knowing Jesus or allowing Jesus to help them. For them, their marriage restoration was more important than a relationship with God.
Then, recently I heard from a man who has been struggling to restore his marriage. He told me about his prayers and how he has been seeking God for answers. He said God has given him peace even though his situation hasn’t improved. And then he told me how someone else has accused him of putting his marriage first, instead of his relationship with God. Read more
I recently heard a minister on the radio say “no Spirit-filled couple has ever divorced.” When I heard that I had to stop for a minute to consider what he said. Then when I thought about what the scripture teaches I had to agree with him.
I’ll explain why this is true. But first I will clarify what this is not saying. This statement is not saying a Spirit-filled person will never go through a divorce. There are many people that have been through a divorce that gave their best to God and their marriage. The divorce was against their will. It happened because of what was wrong in their spouse’s heart. One person living a Spirit-filled life is not enough for a Spirit-filled marriage. It takes two to make this statement true. Read more
I want to get this straight right from the start. I agree, your marriage is important. And if your marriage is in trouble that means your marriage restoration is a high priority in your life. But I do not believe your marriage restoration should be your first priority.
I understand what you’re going through. The heartache and confusion of a marriage crisis are the toughest things I’ve ever dealt with. But, when I talk about your marriage crisis I have to talk about your relationship with Jesus. Your marriage restoration should not be your first priority.
Jesus has to be your first priority
There are many husbands and wives who think their marriage was a mistake. They’re looking back with regret at their decision to marry. And they’re wondering now if there is some reasonable way they can correct their mistake. They don’t want to hurt their spouse, their children, or their family. But they just can’t imagine having to live with their mistake for the rest of their lives.
Maybe, this is the way you feel. Or, maybe you have a strong sense this is the way your spouse feels.
In either case, I understand this line of thinking. I’ve been there, on both sides. So I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone for feeling this way.
However, I do want to challenge this way of thinking and the reasonings that go along with it. Read more
Does the problem you’re dealing with look like a mountain in front of you? Maybe, you’re having trouble in your marriage. And the problem is bigger than what you think you can handle. Or, maybe you’re facing some other mountain size problem that is putting a strain on your marriage.
Whatever the problem may be, I want you to know I understand how you feel. I have felt that way many times, in my marriage and with other battles that affected my marriage. Many times I have felt like the problem was like a huge mountain in front of me.
But whenever I think a problem looks as big as a mountain I’m reminded of what Jesus said about moving a mountain. Read more
Marriage ministry means a lot to us. We love helping couples build strong marriages. And we love helping hurting couples restore their marriages. But sometimes couples won’t let us help. Then when we watch a marriage fall apart it reminds me of a time I watched a family’s home burn to the ground.
I was a teenager at the time. My family and I were driving down the highway, almost home, when up ahead of we saw the flashing red lights of fire trucks. As we slowed down approaching the scene we could see a house was on fire. Read more
I am grieved by the troubles in our world today. Everywhere we turn people are against one another. There are divisions over race, religious views, political views, social and economic status. And for many of us there is division in our own families. So I think everyone would agree, we need peacemakers.
I know this is a marriage blog and so I’m not trying to turn this into a current events article. But I believe some of the lessons we try to communicate to marriages, we can also apply to the world around us. After all, marriage is all about the journey of becoming united as one flesh. So why wouldn’t the same principles of unity work for our world around us? Read more
I came to the place in my life that I could no longer run from the pain. My life was a mess and I needed help. I had stuffed all my pain and hurt deep inside from the wounds from others and wounds that were self inflicted. So I turned to a counselor to help me out of my prison.
I was dealing with abandonment issues from both my mother and my father. I had been abused from early childhood all the way through my adult life. Three different men molested me from age 6 to ll. One of the men did it more than 20 times. I was date raped twice when I was a teenager. I was physically abused from my father and a couple of times in my first marriage. And I dealt with emotional abuse from my father, my first husband, and in my marriage with Jack. Read more