Don’t Run From the Pain

I came to the place in my life that I could no longer run from the pain. My life was a mess and I needed help. I had stuffed all my pain and hurt deep inside from the wounds from others and wounds that were self-inflicted. So I turned to a counselor to help me out of my prison.

don't run from the pain

I was dealing with abandonment issues from both my mother and my father. I had been abused from early childhood through my adult life. Three different men molested me from age 6 till 11. One of the men did it more than 20 times. I was date raped twice when I was a teenager. I was physically abused by my father and a couple of times in my first marriage. And I dealt with emotional abuse from my father, my first husband, and in my marriage with Jack.

Book: 25 Questions … About Love, Sex, and Intimacy

Book review: 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy, by Dr. Juli Slattery

25 questions

We first heard Dr. Slattery speaking as a co-host on Focus on the Family. So when we were asked to read and write a review for her new book our immediate reaction was, “absolutely, we would be honored.” We felt very confident that whatever she had to say about marriage would be well worth our time of reading and would definitely be something we would recommend to our readers.

Secrets For a Great Marriage From a Former Unhappy Wife

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which we are delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!  

HWClub_SqBlogButnB

 

One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in my life is the fact that I spent nineteen years of my marriage being an unhappy wife when all along I could have been a very happy wife. I’ve had to mourn those wasted years. There gone now and there is nothing I can do to get them back. That’s why I am so thankful the Lord is redeeming that time for us.

Though if I could, I would go back and talk to my former self. Because there are some things I would like for her to know. There are some things I would like to say to her to encourage her and reassure her. So I would say….

Learning To Accept Your Spouse

Our spouses are unique in their own way. Individuals who have their own taste buds, their own thoughts, how they view the world through their own lenses, how they feel about circumstances, situations, sadness, pain, their past and the way they were brought up. All of these things are ingredients that have made them who they are today. Not everything they say or do is wrong just because we say it is. We have to learn to accept them just as they are.

Accept your spouse

When my husband and I first got married, his palate was not as diverse as mine. I grew up eating everything but the appliances. My mom is an awesome cook and so was my grandmother. We were expected to eat whatever was put before us with no grumbling or complaining. No matter who cooked it or what it was.

Jack’s Boots

It was my choice for him to leave and with reluctance, he agreed. Jack and I had done this many times before. We knew the routine; we knew how to break up. This was the fourth time and we knew it was final, no question in our minds. There was no slamming doors, no screaming, no ugly words, just a sad calm. And the occasional turning away from each other to gather ourselves as tears would run down our faces.

Jack's boots

There was always a cloud of sadness to see him leave and we always cried together. I could never understand that. Many times we could not go through with it, so we would stay together. Although this time the fighting had ceased and we had been trying to rebuild, we found we were too wounded and numb to even know how to rebuild. We knew it was final, it was over, he was tired and so was I.

We had been through nineteen years of fussing, arguing, fighting against one another and not understanding one another. Over the years we had beat upon each other emotionally so bad that the only hope for a bright future was to go in separate directions.