Everyone of us face our own difficulty. We may not be going through the same stuff, but I know each of us have challenges we all have to deal with. And I know those challenges seem to have a way of testing us in ways we never thought we would be tested.
Some of you may be dealing with some serious marriage issues that have you worried over how it will all work out. I know, I’ve been there, and it is certainty a tough place to be. But no matter what you are facing, you have to keep in mind that you and your spouse are on the same team.
It may not always feel like your on the same team while the two of you are looking at what each other is doing wrong. And it may be that you are both right. Both of you are doing some things wrong. After all, none of us are perfect. But if you want a positive outcome from whatever you are going through, you will have to take your focus off of what each other is doing wrong.
A sports example
Here is a good example. When a sports team is facing an opponent, everyone knows who the enemy is. And as long as the game plan is working and each teammate is doing their part, then their focus stays on their opponent.
But when enough adversity hits and the game is not going the way they had planned, teammates will start looking at each other. Soon they begin to lose focus on how they can beat their opponent and they become more concerned with correcting each other.
This is where a good coach will step in and redirect his team’s attention to what their game plan is and what each team member’s assignment is. The coach will get his team refocused on defeating their opponent by getting them back to working together as a team.
We need refocus
When the struggles of life start causing us to pull apart in our marriage, we need to refocus. We have to come to a place where we set aside our differences and refocus on what is really important, and that’s our marriage.
Our marriages are more important than any issue we may get into disagreements about. We will always have disagreements and we will always have our differences. That’s okay, we want to be unique in our own way. Just as long as we are able to set aside those differences for the greater good.
Because, sometimes in marriage we can be like two people standing inside a burning building and we’re fighting over who caused the fire and who is going to be responsible for putting the fire out.
Set aside our differences
So, here is a simple exercise you can use when you need to set aside your differences. You can do this literally, or mentally. Either way it works for you, just as long as you get the same results.
Standing or sitting opposite from your spouse, each of you write down on a sheet of paper what the problem is that is keeping you at odds with each other. Maybe it is money, children, sex, or how you are treating each other, just write it down.
You don’t have to get ugly or mean and you don’t have to use accusing remarks that attacks each other. Try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, like “I feel” or “I need” and not, “you don’t” or “you always.”
All you want to do is put the problem down on paper. Then, after you have it written out, place the papers you both have written on and place them in the middle between the two of you. If you choose, you can put the papers in a box or a notebook folder.
Now with your problem written out and setting between the two of you, both of you move around the problem and meet together facing where you have placed the papers with your problem. Take a look at the problem and take a look at your spouse and say to each other (while pointing toward the papers), “you’re not the problem, that’s the problem. And we can defeat our problems as long as we work together.”
And of course you can do a solo version of this when you need to by simply reminding yourself, “my spouse is not the problem, our ___________ is the problem. And with the Lord’s help, I will work together with my spouse so we can overcome this problem.”
Don’t get me wrong, I know it will take a lot more than simply setting aside your differences. It’s going to take work and some real communication to work out some of the problems you are facing. But this is where start by saying, “Yes We Can Because We’re On The Same Team.”
This was just one idea of how to set aside your differences and come together as a team. We would love to hear some ideas from you. feel free to leave us a comment.
As always, God bless and keep growing an awesome marriage.
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