I want to get this straight right from the start. I agree, your marriage is important. And if your marriage is in trouble that means your marriage restoration is a high priority in your life. But I do not believe your marriage restoration should be your first priority.
I understand what you’re going through. The heartache and confusion of a marriage crisis are the toughest things I’ve ever dealt with. But, when I talk about your marriage crisis I have to talk about your relationship with Jesus. Your marriage restoration should not be your first priority.
Jesus has to be your first priority
There are many husbands and wives who think their marriage was a mistake. They’re looking back with regret at their decision to marry. And they’re wondering now if there is some reasonable way they can correct their mistake. They don’t want to hurt their spouse, their children, or their family. But they just can’t imagine having to live with their mistake for the rest of their lives.
Maybe, this is the way you feel. Or, maybe you have a strong sense this is the way your spouse feels.
In either case, I understand this line of thinking. I’ve been there, on both sides. So I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone for feeling this way.
However, I do want to challenge this way of thinking and the reasonings that go along with it. Read more
Does the problem you’re dealing with look like a mountain in front of you? Maybe, you’re having trouble in your marriage. And the problem is bigger than what you think you can handle. Or, maybe you’re facing some other mountain size problem that is putting a strain on your marriage.
Whatever the problem may be, I want you to know I understand how you feel. I have felt that way many times, in my marriage and with other battles that affected my marriage. Many times I have felt like the problem was like a huge mountain in front of me.
But whenever I think a problem looks as big as a mountain I’m reminded of what Jesus said about moving a mountain. Read more
Your marriage covenant is not an entitlement. And you should not take it for granted. You don’t get to say vows before a minister and expect that to be your guarantee to lifelong marriage. It takes more than that.
I believe many marriages suffer from abuse and/or neglect because people treat their marriage covenant as an entitlement. Their hunt is over. They caught their prey. Now they don’t have to give their marriage the same work as they did when they were dating. When their former boyfriend or girlfriend had the freedom to walk away.
We believe in covenant 100%
I am grieved by the troubles in our world today. Everywhere we turn people are against one another. There are divisions over race, religious views, political views, social and economic status. And for many of us there is division in our own families. So I think everyone would agree, we need peacemakers.
I know this is a marriage blog and so I’m not trying to turn this into a current events article. But I believe some of the lessons we try to communicate to marriages, we can also apply to the world around us. After all, marriage is all about the journey of becoming united as one flesh. So why wouldn’t the same principles of unity work for our world around us? Read more
The challenges we face in life are tough sometimes. Challenges with our health, our job, our children, or our marriage are the type of challenges almost everyone will have to deal with at one point or another. But in every challenge we face we have to make a conscious decision. Will we choose to let the situation make us better, or will we let it make us bitter?
I’ve seen the importance of this choice time after time. Not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many others. And every time a person allows themselves to become bitter there is always a severe price that comes with making the wrong choice. Let me share a few examples. Read more
Believing your marriage can be healed is tough sometimes. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels hopeless to close the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.
I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.
You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.
Matthew 19:26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Read more
Do you want to know the reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before our marriage straighten out? Do you want to know what had to change before we could have the marriage we both wanted? The thing that had to change was I had to stop trying to just smooth things over.
There was a cycle we were going through and it was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I kept finding a way to undo all the previous good I did to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end, all I was doing was going through my own cycle.
There’s an enemy that keeps trying to destroy my marriage and I’m so tired of him I really want him to die. Year after year I’ve seen this guy show up with his bag of tricks trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I. He doesn’t seem to care who gets hurt just as long as he gets his way. And no matter how hard I try to kill him, he keeps coming back.
Now, I’ve always wanted to do my best to protect my wife from any threat of danger. As a husband I consider this one of my greatest responsibilities. But I’ve discovered a terrible irony I constantly have to deal with. There are times where I am the guy I most desperately need to protect my wife from. So, the most dangerous threat to my marriage has always been the enemy I find that lives within me. Or, the enemy in-a-me. Read more