I wonder sometimes if we understand the value of our words. Do we realize there is power in what we say? God created us in His image. Which means, like Him we have the power to speak words into our world. And the words we speak can have a lasting impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.
We can speak words that build up or we can speak words that tear down. It’s our choice. And you better believe as the verse says, we will reap the consequences of our choice.
Often, in marriage, we lose sight of this truth.
Somehow we let down our guard and we use words that hurt feelings and attack the character of our spouse. In times of frustration or stress we use words, we later regret. Or we get complacent with our relationship. And we neglect to use words that lift up and let our spouses know how valuable they are to us.
In both ways, our marriage suffers from the way we use our words. Blow after blow our marriage suffers like a building struck time after time with a wrecking ball. Until our spouse becomes so beaten down, their hope for survival causes them to search for a way to escape. They either turn to their own coping mechanism. Or, they leave the marriage completely.
I know because I was the guilty one. Over and over, I struck my wife with words that wounded her heart and assaulted her character. And there were many unspoken good words that left her feeling abandoned. Until she felt her only hope to escape the misery was to escape our marriage.
The odd thing was I didn’t always use wrong words. Often, I said things that meant to build her up and strengthen our relationship.
But I remember her saying on many occasions that what I said was confusing to her. One minute I spoke life-giving words and then the next minute I spoke hurtful words. My words lacked integrity. And left her unsure of what she should believe.
Don’t lose the integrity of your words?
Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? Do you live every day knowing your world (marriage, family,) is held together with your words?
As I stated already, God created us in His image. If we take that as serious as we should, we have to also recognize this truth. Heb. 1:3 says “…He sustains all things by His powerful words…”
It is the integrity of His word that continues to hold His creation together. If God ever went back on His word. If He did anything that compromised the word He has spoken, everything would fall apart.
This is how serious I believe He wants us to be about the words we speak. We should examine ourselves and how we use our words. We should be proactive and intentional with the words we speak.
Our lives, marriage, families, our own little world depends on the words we speak to hold it together.
How should you speak words?
- Speak words that build up and produce life. – Even if you can only think of one good thing to say to and about your spouse, focus on that. That’s called the 100 to 1 rule, 100% focus on the 1 good thing.
- Mean what you say, and say what you mean. – Speak words that build up. And don’t contradict what you say by speaking opposite words at a different time. Also, don’t just throw out random flowery words that you don’t mean.
- Be true to your word. – Let the words you speak reflect who you are and stand by what you say. A godly person “swears to his own hurt and does not change.” Ps. 15:4
- Create the marriage you want with your words. – God created with words. And God also calls those things which are not as though they were. So, we can too. If we want a great marriage we can speak the words that create it even before we see it.
- Speak good words about your spouse. – Speak to others about your spouse the same way you speak to your spouse, in an uplifting, life-giving manner. Cut out the negative talk that does nothing to build up your marriage.
- Speak words that are gentle. – Use gentle words to end arguments. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
- Never make excuses for using hurtful words. – Bad moods, that time of the month, stress from the job, stress over money or children. Or whatever the reasons are, we cannot use excuses to justify our wrong.
Every day counts
The words we speak every day make all the difference in marriage. We can use our words to create and build a beautiful relationship. Or, we can use our words to diminish the beauty and destroy what we have given our lives to. We get to choose how we frame our world by the words we use every day.
Can you identify a way to improve the words you speak that will help your marriage? Leave us a comment below.
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