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Sex is Good, God Created it.

Day #10 of this series, Marriage Ministry, who needs it?

And God said, let a man and a woman have good sex, regularly, within the boundaries of marriage. And God blessed their sex and said it was good.

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Okay, maybe you won’t find those exact words in Genesis 1 or 2. But if you study the scripture you will find that God did create us to enjoy our marriage with a healthy sex life. We were created to live life with passion and our sexual relationship in marriage should be a great expression of this passion.

Very often couples will come into our class with a sense of loss. Somewhere along the way on their journey of marriage they have lost their passion for each other. There lives have become either boring and predictable, or fast paced and over stressed. And as a result one of the first things to go is their sex life.

 Sex in marriage is important

Whenever a couple struggles with their sex life and they start loosing their passion for each other, it is very important that they take definite and intentional steps to resolve their problems. Couples can’t afford to play around with this. That is why the word of God gives us some specific instructions on how we are to relate sexually to one another in our marriage.

Here are a few of those instructions the word teaches and what most marriage ministries base their teachings on.

  1. Sex was commanded by God from the beginning:Genesis 1:27   God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth …………”
  2. Sex has a purpose that can only be fulfill in marriage:Genesis 2:24    For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
  3. Sex is for intimacy:Genesis 2:25   And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
  4. Sex is for pleasure:Proverbs 5:19  As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.
  5. Sex is to be consistent:1 Corinthians 7:2   But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husbandThe wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife doesStop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
  6. Sex is holy:Hebrews 13:4  Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

An important lesson we learned

The one important lesson we learned and we eagerly share with any couple who will listen is this. 

  • Men need sex to feel intimate.
  • Women need intimacy to want sex.

What I mean is this. There was a time when we struggled with this because we were not always on the same page. Then as the Lord began healing our marriage and we were able to discuss these issues, we discovered these truths.

For a wife to even get in the mood to have sex she usually needs to be aroused by tender loving care. She needs to feel close to her man so that she can be physically turned on. But, for a husband to feel close to his wife he needs the satisfaction of sexual fulfillment.

This is a great mystery of balance and mutual submission when both a husband and wife learn to give what their partner needs in exchange for getting what they need.

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Thanks for reading and please feel free to post your comments. We would love to hear from you.

 

6 comments

  1. Brian Collis says:

    I love the reactions of people when they really read and understand scripture like 1 Cor 7 or the Song of Solomon – when they realize how explicit and erotic the Bible really is, and consequently how important God says sex is to his institution of marriage. Great post!

  2. jackandjanet says:

    Brian, I know what you mean. Sometimes it is difficult for people to believe the Bible talks about this and is very explicit about it. If more people would only understand how holy sex is in the context of marriage.
    Thanks for commenting.

  3. Mommyto3gr8ones says:

    I feel like both of these relate to me (Men need sex to feel intimate. Women need intimacy to want sex.) but neither relate to my husband. I just asked him too and he says he relates more with the needing intimacy to want sex but not needing sex to feel intimate and I wonder is he just playing with me. Seriously, either way, he doesn’t seem to desire sex and I want it all the time, it’s like the roles are completely reversed with us and I have no clue how to get him to desiring it more often. What would you suggest to someone in that kind of a situation?

    • jackandjanet says:

      @Mommyto3gr8ones thanks for your comment. It is interesting that you relate with both. I know our experience does not speak for everyone. But, I do believe the core issue is the same for both and that is the desire to be connected. Now, to answer your question. I believe it is clear that we were created to have a healthy sex life and God’s command to us is to not neglect each other in this area. So, anytime there is a problem for the husband or the wife in this area, there should be some deliberate attempts for the two of you to find some answers. There has to be some real issue at the core. If it is something wrong within your relationship, the two of you need to work at resolving the problem. If your husband has some other issues, such as physical, mental, or spiritual, then he will need to seek the appropriate help. Bottom line is there needs to be some healing of some sort to help create a healthy sex life for the two of you.

      Also I would like to continue this conversation with you so I will be sending you a private email.

      Thanks and God bless, Janet

  4. michelle says:

    I need your guidance. What are your thoughts (or perhaps you can direct me to something in the Bible) on sex while a couple is separated and not “officially” in the process of reconciliation?
    My husband and I have been separated almost a full year now. When he first left, he had become completely irrational; we couldn’t even speak without him blowing a fuse and yelling. So we’ve gone from that to now being in communication all day long, seeing each other daily, we have most meals together, we take weekend trips as a couple and as a family, and it finally just really feels like we’re both putting in some real effort into getting along & learning how to function and work together. HOWEVER, he still lives apart and still goes out with ‘friends’ – both male and female. He flirts with other girls and says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship again. His actions, emotional reactions to things, and the look in his eye all tell me (and our kids) something entirely different though! It’s like every time he feels himself falling in love again, he catches himself and intentionally shuts down. When he *does* go out or do something he knows isn’t good for the ‘me & him’ part of his life, he projects on me and the kids and tries to argue with us. To me, this shows he must feel some sort of tug-of-war inside, living in two different worlds as two different people.
    He is likely enjoying having his cake and eating it too, and I understand that, but I’m not sure where or when to draw the line with “us” because our sexual intimacy had been lost before and it seems that is what has really helped develop our connection this time around. As his covenant wife, I feel like it’s my duty and my right, but it is sometimes difficult to give myself to him in such an intimate way when I’m not sure he’s faithful to me, or if he’s even ever going to recommit in any way.
    Should we continue to sleep together as we try to move forward or should that be saved for later – maybe once he truly recommits? If need be, how do I pull back and/or set boundaries now?

    • Jack and Janet says:

      Michelle, I completely understand your dilemma. I’ve been in a similar situation with my wife during our last marriage crisis. I’ve thought about writing on this, but there is so much to navigate I have been cautious to not give out bad advice.
      Every situation is different so I would never want anyone to just follow my example on this and expect to get the same results.
      But to be honest, I believe because we did the same thing you are doing it was one of the key reasons our marriage was restored.
      For us it was a great connection and from there we started communicating much better and eventually we were able to repair all that had been wrong between us.
      But, I have discussed this with others I have great respect for and there were some good points made of how careful we have to be to suggest this to anyone. If you’d like to further discuss this privately we would be happy to do so. Maybe that way we could understand more clearly your particular circumstances.

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