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One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in my life is the fact that I spent nineteen years of my marriage being an unhappy wife when all along I could have been a very happy wife. I’ve had to mourn those wasted years. There gone now and there is nothing I can do to get them back. That’s why I am so thankful the Lord is redeeming that time for us.
Though if I could, I would go back and talk with my former self. Because there are some things I would like for her to know. There are some things I would like to say to her to encourage her and reassure her. So I would say….
Love your husband like there is no tomorrow. Don’t hold back, leave no doubt in his mind how much you love him. Love him in a way that will leave an imprint so deep in his heart nothing can remove it. When your husband knows that he is loved he will move mountains and do amazing things because you have made him number one. Hold your love for him close, watch over it and protect it. And cherish everything and every moment because you can never get that time back.
Receive and appreciate his love in all the ways he shows it. Let it settle deep in you, let it flow through every part of you till you are one with him. Throw out anything that is a fantasy and any unrealistic ideas that you have formed for him to be. Don’t try to make him into someone or something he is not. Never go to your friends, parents, or anyone else and talk bad about him; always have his back.
Accept your husband for who he is, let him dream and dream his dreams with him. Encourage him to step out and trust that he isn’t gonna let you both fall and not get back up again. Know that his love for you is a sure thing and whatever he does he has us in mind not just himself. His desire is to give you everything, he will do everything he can to make it happen because you mean that much to him.
Be patient and gentle with him, because under that tough exterior there is a man with a heart that beats and has feelings that can get damaged too. Let him express himself and don’t try to change how and what he thinks. Join your thoughts and visions for your lives together and make it all happen. Don’t be afraid of the unknown, because you are not alone you have each other and that is enough.
Make your marriage your life. It is a living entity, it will either thrive or die, so choose to cultivate it. Don’t let anyone or anything in that will tarnish, steal or destroy it. Guard it with your life. Keep a forgiving heart when your husband hurts your feelings and an understanding heart when your differences show up. Learn to live for your marriage and your husband and not about you all the time.
Because when it is all about you it becomes an insatiable pit that is never satisfied and is never enough. It is when you give love that you will feel the most satisfaction. Surrender your selfishness for the good of your marriage, this will cause you to see and do what is best for your lives together. And don’t be afraid of loosing yourself and your dreams. Your dreams will happen and they will be greater than you could ever imagine. Remember your husband wants you to be happy and he will do everything he can to help your dreams come true.
And no matter what you go through or how tough things can be, you can still choose to be happy. And when it seems impossible for you to choose that happiness, don’t blame your husband for something he did not cause. You may be dealing with something that goes beyond your marriage and in that case it is up to you to choose to let God help you and to choose to get all the help you need for your emotional healing.
Finally, one last thing I will tell you and that is to love. Love God, love your husband, love your marriage, love your family, and love your life.
Yours truly, your future self.
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.