Day #5 of this series, Marriage Ministry, who needs it?
When working to overcome some hard things in your marriage, such as an affair, it would be very helpful to find some help from a marriage ministry. Especially if you feel you have one last chance to save to your marriage from divorce.
One last chance
A few weeks ago we started our late summer sessions of Marriage Builders classes. We had a good turnout and anytime that happens we break out into small discussion groups after the teaching segment.
On the very first night one of our facilitator couples had a couple say to them, “This is our last hope. If this class doesn’t fix our marriage we are finished.” At which point our leaders thought, “no pressure, right?”
We know exactly how they felt, our current small group has had three couples come in who are separated. Thankfully one of those couples are still with us and we are still reaching out to the other two.
But we see this happening all the time and we keep hearing it happen with other marriage ministries as well. The stories may come from conference leaders, marriage counselors, pastors, or workshop leaders like us. The stories always sound something like, “We already have the divorce papers drawn up and all we have to do is sign. If this marriage ____ doesn’t fix our marriage, we are over.”
But the truth is a marriage ministry cannot fix anyone’s marriage. We can offer you a lot of tools and information. We can give you encouragement through our own testimonies. And we can be vessels for the grace and the anointing of God to be released into your troubled circumstances. We can offer all of those things and we are more than happy to do so, that is why we do what we do. Just know, we cannot make you do anything.
The real work has to come from you.
Whatever marriage ministry you choose to reach out to for help, the real work that will be required of you will be the same. There may be different tools and information that is taught. There will be different testimonies. And there will probably be a different levels of how much the grace of God is being released. But the bottom line is the work to save your marriage will always come back to you.
So, here are a few requirements you need to bring to any marriage ministry.
- Commitment: It all starts with your commitment. You will need to be fully committed to your spouse and the well-being of your marriage. You will have to be committed to the process of learning and the process of healing. And you need to be committed to allowing the Lord to work in your own personal life as well as your marriage.
- Patience and understanding: You cannot put a time limit to such complex issues. You have to understand that healing and growth is a process and you are not the one in charge of how long or how difficult the process may be.
- Dedication to hard work: Rebuilding your marriage is hard work and if you want to get the job done right once and for all, you have to be willing to do the hard work. Which will most likely require some painful communication.
- Cancel all other options: This is especially true for anyone who is letting go of an affair. You have to shut that door, lock all the locks, and throw away the key. Seriously, you cannot in any way, shape, or fashion play around with this dangerous enemy to your marriage. Also, even if there has not been an affair, but you have been using the D word. STOP IT!!
- Believe: You will have to start seeing your marriage healed and restored before you ever get there. Your belief and hope in the possibility will give you the energy, motivation, and overcoming spirit that you will need to work through the hard stuff you are facing.
I hope you know I understand the struggle you are in. My wife and I are very compassionate about helping struggling marriages overcome their troubles and rebuild a beautiful marriage. It can be done and I believe if you reach out to a good Christian marriage ministry, you will find all the help you need if you are willing to do the work.
Thanks for reading and please feel free to post your comments. We would love to hear from you.