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Just Say No To Naysayers

“Will anyone support my decision to try to save my marriage?” That was the thought that run through my head time after time as family and friends continued to discourage the position I had taken to save my marriage. I was believing for a miracle turnaround, but most of my loved ones thought I was being a fool.

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I understood that they were only concerned for my well-being and they did not want to see me hurt more than I already had been. And the truth is if I had been wanting to end my marriage I would have appreciated their support for that.

But, I did not want to give up on my marriage and by the grace of God I found the one person who would stand with me and encourage me to believe for my marriage to be restored when no one else would. He was the pastor of my dad’s church and he soon became my new pastor. He had seen his own marriage restored and he was a firm believer in what God can do to turn lives and marriages around.

One voice

I will never forget how valuable Pastor Jerry was in our lives. Though many times I felt like giving up because my situation seemed so grim, it was his voice that kept me believing in what God could do. He helped me get beyond the pain of betrayal and rejection and see my wife as a victim of sin’s destructive bondage. He helped me understand that she was trapped by something that was stronger than she was, something that was so strong that it took a Savior dying on a cross to conquer it.

From that time own I learned a great lesson about who I let speak into my life. I learned that I could find support for whatever I wanted to hear. If I wanted to be encouraged with faith in God, I could find someone for that. If I wanted someone to jump on the bandwagon of my own self pity, I knew who I could turn to. If I wanted someone to take up my cause and be as offended as I was, I knew who would do that too.

One voice matters

I sometimes wonder, what if? What if I had not had that one voice in my life, where would I be? Where would my marriage be? Well there is really no doubt in my mind about that. I don’t believe we would have made it through that third season of marriage trouble and certainly don’t believe we would have made it through our fourth and final season of trouble.

Because, although Pastor Jerry was not that involved with me during that fourth season, it was the impact he had made on me eight years earlier that still made a huge impact on the way I handled our marriage crisis.

Our turn

So now, fast forward many years later and Pastor Jerry’s voice still has a huge influence on our lives. Because it is now our voice that stands with a hurting spouse and says, “don’t give up, with God nothing is impossible.” Regardless of the situation and how bleak it may appear, we refuse to believe and we refuse to say someone’s marriage cannot be saved.

Sometimes it puts us on opposing sides of other people who would prefer that one spouse give up on a marriage where they have been hurt. And there are times we can certainly understand why everyone else would say that a marriage is over and a hurting spouse should move on.

But because of that one voice that was in our life and our determination to be that one voice for anyone else, we find it impossible to say when someone should give up on their marriage. Even when the situation does require separation we still hold out hope that the marriage can be saved.

Are we overly optimistic? Maybe. But again it is not about a spouse’s behavior we are believing in, it’s about the redemptive power of the cross that we are firmly standing for. We know that without Christ people are destined to repeat their old behavior patterns over and over again. But through Christ we know that “all things become new and old things pass away.”

We will make no apologies for believing this way. Because it is ultimately God that we are believing in and not man’s abilities. After all we have seen Him do in our lives, what else are we suppose to believe?

And we do not mean to be judgmental toward anyone who has decided to give up on a marriage. We know those decisions are hard and very traumatic. And we know that the same grace that is there to save a marriage is the same grace that will carry a spouse through their decision of giving up.

But this one thing you can be sure of, if you are the spouse who wants to save your marriage and you’re looking for someone to stand with you regardless of what the circumstances look like, then you have come to the right place.

The only thing is, if this is you, you will have to put a stop to the voices that want to discourage you. You will have to say no to the naysayers.

Question: Would you hang on to your marriage if you had the right voices giving you encouragement? 

23 comments

  1. Wayne says:

    Thank you! I also need those that will hang with me and confess Encouragement & Hope during this time, over 3 years now, to continue to seek & believe for healing of my marriage!
    Praying for God to send those that believe in committment to honoring the Covenant of Marrige we both established into my wife’s life. Provide Encouragement and speak Hope for healing our marriage she is not actively believing or attempting to save! Remove from her life, those that speak doubt & discouragement for hope of anything healing the past, present or future.

  2. jackandjanet says:

    Wayne, I hate that you are going through this. 3 years is a long time and I’m sure it has been very hard. I have never been through that length of time standing and believing for my marriage, so I don’t have any right to say I know how you feel. Except for the fact that I know it takes courage to keep standing when there seems to be no reason for hope. I know your hope must be in the Lord and knowing that nothing is impossible for Him.

    We will put you and your wife on our prayer list and we will stand with you.

    God bless you and strengthen you as you commit your ways to Him.

    Jack

    • Wayne says:

      Just after I posted my original message, I found out my wife has filed for a final divorce. This has really shaken my life right now since I have just recently lost my job and have no income at the moment either.
      PLEASE..PLEASE …PLEASE PRAY FOR STRENGTH, PEACE, HEALING AND GOD TO BE GREAT!

      • jackandjanet says:

        Wayne, we are keeping you in our prayers. I know this hard for you to have to got through this. But just know that God does not leave you or forsake you. His grace will strengthen you and carry you through this.

  3. Kevin says:

    Thank you for the words of encouragement. We are coming up on ten years of marriage, and it was a slow decline since the begining. We both have our issues, but she has shut me out for most of those ten years. 3 years into marriage counseling and I am feeling burned out by promises to change followed by reasons why I am the reason for her issues. Lord show me where I am wrong, that I might do right. Help her find her path with you.
    Thank you again for the words of encouragement.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Kevin, we will be praying for you. I wonder if your wife may need some personal counselling for things in her past. I know that was key for our marriage turn around, because my wife was so hurt from her past she had a hard time forgiving and trusting anyone. I hope you hang in there and receive the strength you need from the Lord to keep pressing through this.
      Jack

      • Kevin says:

        Thanks Jack and Janet. Situation is still largely the same, but she is just now admitting that she has had walls up for years, and that there are some legacy issues from her past. Still far to distant, defensive and closed off. I am also concerned about the example of normal that it sets up for our children. We all deserve better than this, my wife included.
        Thanks again for the words and prayers. I fear I may be done though.
        Kevin

  4. Marianne says:

    With so many marriages failing and so many Christian ones too your words are like rain on parched forgotten soil. May god continue to encourage you and your ministry. I wish marriage was easier but I firmly believe too that the power of the cross and the forgiveness it shows can hold any relationship.

  5. sandra says:

    I have been married 4.5 years. My husband took a trip to his country that he had not seen in 14 years. By all accounts, we had a very solid marriage. He came home this past Sunday and admitted to me hed had an affair and he wasnt sure he would continue in the marriage. I am devastated and shattered, but I refuse to simply hand my marriage to the enemy! He states he is confused and needs time. I am willing to forgive him and I am believing God for a miracle. Please pray that all the bonds will be broken. That God would give this marriage new life. That we may be a testamony of the power of His healing Grace and love. I know that I will shout from the mountains of the miracles he has done. Please pray for me, Sandra and my husband Juan.

  6. jackandjanet says:

    Sandra we are praying for you and Juan. It sounds like you have a strong relationship with the Lord and a strong prayer life, and that’s good. We agree with you for those unholy bounds to be broken. We pray for healing in both you and Juan and your marriage.
    We will continue to pray and believe for God’s redemptive plan to manifest in your life.

    • Sanra Moncada says:

      Thank you. God is moving. And he is answering prayers daily. Both for my life and his. I am eternally grateful for covering me and Juan in prayers. I can feel them!

  7. Darren says:

    Please pray for me and my wife. I am the one that is hoping for restoration in our marriage. Married for 14 years and have two sons (11 & 9). I truly need that one voice that will support me. Thank.s

  8. TJ says:

    Awesome article.Gives hope and strength to move forward. Due to the fact that I too am in this position. I thank you for being able to come forward. It helps others.

  9. Amber says:

    Standing is hard but knowing that one sweet day my Lord and Redeemer will remove the scales from my husband’s eyes and the hardness of his heart and that He will restore, revive, and rebuild our marriage keeps me going. I’m so incredibly thankful that He has put wonderfully supportive people in my life and He sees it fit to keep the naysayers away! God is good!

  10. WantMyMarriage says:

    Thanks for this post. I am divorced, but have been standing for my marriage for the the past almost 4.5 years. I am getting tired and am wanting to date. I want a family. I want my family, but my spouse is showing zero interest in me. Everyone thinks I am crazy. I sometimes feel like this an impossible task. I feel like I am losing so much time waiting on someone who does not want me when there are people out there who want to be married, who are willing to work on their marriages. I am physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained. . .so so tired. There does not appear to be any hope. I believe God can, but don’t understand why he hasn’t. I am constantly praying for my spouse. I am starting to doubt that I even heard from the Lord regarding my marriage. I am not married. I am not single. Who am I?

    • Anonymous says:

      You are a wonderful child of God, who is in a lot of pain. I have no words for you, save that you are not alone.

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