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Don’t Use Bad Words

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21(NLT) 

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When I wrote the post “Held Together With Words,” I stressed the point of how valuable and powerful our words are and that it is with the words we speak that we create or tear down our own lives. I also talked about how important it is to maintain the integrity of our words by not contradicting ourselves with what we say.

So now I would like to go into a little more detail about our words. There are some words we should never use with our spouse, our children, or anyone else for that matter. It may sound funny for us as adults, but there are some Bad Words that we should not be using.

I will just focus on the words that relate to our marriages, but you may also see how they could translate in other relationships as well. I’m not at all attempting to cover every Bad Word, just the ones that have become so important to us in our marriage.

I will list these Bad Words in two categories; obvious and not so obvious.

Obvious:

Obvious Bad Words are the most important and it doesn’t take much imagination to see why you must stay away from them. These are words or phrases that a lot of married couples have already made a decree to never use.

  1. Any use of the word divorce should be the first thing you band. When you use it in anger or as a threat to try to sway your spouse in your direction, it just seems to open up doors you never wanted to open. Once this word is used your own commitment to your marriage covenant will start to break down and your spouse’s trust in the security of your relationship will start breaking down.
  2. Other versions of the D word also apply here as well. Such as, “I think we should separate,” “maybe we need some time apart,” “why don’t you just leave,” and “don’t let the door hit you on your way out.”
  3. Also words like ” I hate you,” “I don’t love you anymore,” and “I never loved you,” are all obvious words that you should not use in your marriage. There may be times when your feelings are getting the best of you and there may be times when you are confused by your emotions, but you can never let your emotions determine your life for you. Remember love is more about what we do than it is what we feel. For more on emotions check out, “Where is your caboose.”

Not so Obvious:

There are some other Bad Words that are not so obvious but should also be taken seriously. These words are called generalization words and when they are used they cause more harm in your marriage than you might imagine. They are hurtful derogatory words and they are extreme exaggerations.

Some of these words or phrases are: AlwaysNever, Anything, Whatever, and Just like

  1. Always: “You always lie” “You always do that _________ when we are with my family.” “You’re always causing us to be late.” You always say you’re going to do it, but you don’t” “You always talk to me like I’m stupid”
  2. Never: “You never do anything I want to do” “You never treat me like I’m important to you” “You’re never home on time” “You never listen to me”
  3. Anything and Whatever: “You never do anything for me, but you always do whatever your friends want”
  4. Just like: “You’re just like your mother” “You’re just like your father” “You act just like my ex” “You’re just like all men” “You’re just like all women” “You’re acting just like a jerk”

These Bad Words are subtle and there like what the bible describes as “little foxes that destroy the vine.” They have a way of undermining your marriage and breaking down your communication in at least three ways.

  1. They cause hurt feelings and they damage character which causes walls of defense to build up between you and your spouse. Good communication will only take place in a safe and secure environment.
  2. Because these words are exaggerations of any point you’re trying to make, you will ultimately undermine your own creditably.
  3. When you use these Bad Words you are saying to your spouse that you have no appreciation for any attempt they are making to do things right. Thereby causing them to possibly give up on even trying to please you.

I’m sure there are some more of these Bad Words that we could add. But at least this gives us something to think about and hopefully learn to put a guard over our mouths.

If you would like to leave us a comment or maybe suggest some of your own Bad Words to avoid, we would love to hear from you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 comments

  1. Valuable insight – sometimes our mouths get ahead of our brains -especially your not-obvious words.

    I’d add “shut up” to the list of not obvious/subtle words. Even in jest this statement is hurtful and discouraging.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Thanks Lori. I totally agree with “shut-up” being a bad word. I guess I would also add words like stupid, dumb and silly. When they are used in a derogatory or demeaning way as in, you’re stupid, or that’s silly. There are probably a lot more that I’m not thinking of right now.

  2. Fawn Weaver says:

    This is so on point. I once had a horrible habit of being absolutely definite in my responses to everything (always, never, etc). It’s something I picked up as a young girl and man o’ man was it difficult to break but in a marriage, those words really have no place. I never looked at them as “bad words” per se, but most certainly not edifying or full of grace so I was happy to abandon them for more accurate ones.

    • jackandjanet says:

      Thanks Fawn. Yea using those words can be hard to break. And they can pop up even when you least expect them. Just this past Sunday as we were leaving our marriage class and pulling out on the highway I let one slip. Janet had moved in to my field of vision as I was looking to the right to see what traffic was coming. And I said “honey you’re “always” getting in my way when I’m trying to pull out.” I knew right away what I had said and Janet caught it too. We both laughed at it and it did no harm, (this time).

  3. Chassity Hunt says:

    Im not sure if this is brought up in any of the MB lessons but I was wondering could we discuss this as a group because I know many of us use those words not knowing the damage we arw causing?

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