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Does Your Marriage Have a Fever?

Like a low-grade fever that allows you to function even though you know something is wrong in your body, you could be living with a constant low-grade fever in your marriage. Your marriage survives from day-to-day because it doesn’t seem to be in critical condition, but you know internally there is a fight going on against something that isn’t quite right.

marriage have a fever

You may be one of the many couples who live with this condition for years and never do anything to fix the problem. But very often what seems to be a case of marriage with a simple cold eventually turns into a sickness that threatens the life of the marriage.

It isn’t that hard to recognize if your marriage has a fever or not. You know if your marriage doesn’t feel well. You know if there is problems in your marriage that should be resolved. If there is an irritation you feel toward your spouse, you know it. And you probably know if there is some irritation your spouse feels toward you.So if your marriage has a fever, if there is some type of sickness attacking your marriage, I urge you to deal with it and get your marriage healed. Find out exactly what is attacking your marriage and take deliberate steps to defend your marriage against the attack.

Examine your marriage 

Look for what your spouse is feeling and examine your own feelings. Hurt feelings are real and they have to be dealt with even when there seems to be no legitimate reason for the hurt feeling. Most of us know we should not be led by our feelings. But if we leave hurt feelings unchecked they do seem to find a way of getting in the driver’s seat of our lives.

Feelings such as mistrust, offence, jealousy, neglect, rejection, disrespect, unloved, disappointment, used, and betrayed, are just some of the feelings that can be symptoms of sickness in your marriage. Each one of these feelings by themselves may not seem too bad, but if you let these feelings start piling up on top of each other they will lead to trouble. And if you want a strong healthy marriage, none of these bad feelings should be permitted to stay in your marriage.

Confront the marriage sickness

So if any of these symptoms of sickness are in your marriage, then confronting the issue must be done. You cannot ignore these things and hope they go away. And if these negative feelings are confronted properly they can become stepping-stones on your way to greater intimacy with your spouse.

When you confront theses bad feelings the first thing you have to do is pray. This is not something you want to do in your own strength and trusting in your own understanding. You need the Lord’s counsel to guide you and to help you attack the problems and not each other. And if the problem is your own bad feelings, then prayer may resolve the problem simply by the Lord ministering to your place of pain.

The second step in confronting the problem is open communication with your spouse. Talk to each other about the feelings each of you have. Don’t let the enemy keep you bound by keeping your feelings a secret. Be honest with your spouse and allow your spouse to be honest with you. What do you have to lose?

Janet and I have found that open, honest conversations about the feelings we struggle with have been the key for deep healing in our marriage. For us, when we have tried to hide and protect our negative feelings from each other we have had more blow ups over miscommunication and irritation toward each other. Getting that stuff out and in the open has been huge for our marriage.

After confronting the issues you and your spouse have to respond with forgiveness. Nothing short of unconditional forgiveness will work. You have to be mature enough to  accept that hurt feelings are a part of being human. You will feel hurt toward your spouse and your spouse will feel hurt toward you. You will never have a perfect life or a perfect marriage where hurt feelings do not happen.

Don’t make hurt feelings into a bigger deal than it is. Forgive your spouse and forgive yourself, even if you feel the hurt feelings are unjustified. Don’t draw battle lines over hurt feelings, it is not worth it and it will not get you anywhere. Forgiveness is the only way to move forward, there is no other way.

Finally to protect yourself from the sickness of hurt feelings in the future, live a life of grace. Understand that we are all sinners. Which means we are sinners married to other sinners. You have to know your spouse cannot be perfect, nor can you. Let the saying “but for the grace of God, there go I” ring loud and clear in your heart. Let the same grace that God has given you be given to each other in your marriage, as well as everyone else.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you on this important matter.

 

Question: Do you have hurt feelings you know you should let go of, but you struggle to do so?

Let us know in the comments. We want to encourage you and to pray for you.

 

 

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4 comments

  1. anonymousMe says:

    I don’t know how to let go of these feelings of frustration and anger. Though we are doing well, I find myself angry every day as I think of what she did and how she acts now. Some days its easy to control, other days I feel like my heart could burst from the effort of trying to keep it down.

    • jackandjanet says:

      anonymousMe,

      I’m sorry this is such a struggle for you. I know you need a lot of healing for what has happened. I hope you will continue to bring this before the Lord and allow Him to completely wash away your bitterness. Otherwise these feelings you’re struggling with could destroy the very thing you have been trying to save.

  2. Curious1470 says:

    My husband recently told me he’s not attracted to me any more. I’m trying to forgive and get past it, but I am so devastated and I can’t stop crying. How can I get over this?

    • jackandjanet says:

      Curious1470,
      I’m sorry you are going through this, I know that would be a very painful thing to have to deal with. 1st I want to tell you this is not about you, this is a heart issue with your husband. He is the one who has changed his mind about you and he is the one who now has to deal with his own heart issues now. It doesn’t matter if you look the same as you did before or if you look different, either way your husband has something more going on here that is causing him to have this issue. His attraction to you should be based on his love for you and not on your appearance or anything else. There is nothing you could have done to make yourself more beautiful, you are who God made you to be. This is not on you. For you to get through this you have to know who you are and whose you are. Believe what God says about you, and be confident in who God has made you to be. Your confidence in who you are will be more attractive than anything else. And as for your husband, he needs your prayers and if at all possible you two should get some help from a third party such as a pastor or counselor. Because as we were saying in this post, this is an issue that should be dealt with. Other wise it could be taking your marriage in a wrong direction.
      Thank you for commenting, we hope this little bit of advise helps. But more than that, we hope and pray you and your husband get through this and come out on the other side stronger than you have ever been before.

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