Many of you who follow our blog are facing some of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make. Along with all the heartache you feel because of your broken marriage, you also have some agonizing questions that need to be answered.
Should you stand for a marriage that looks impossible to save? If so, how long should you stand? Or in your situation, is it God’s will for you to stand for your marriage at all? When the bible says “God hates divorce,” does that mean He will condemn you for not doing all you can to stop it from happening? And what if your marriage does end in divorce, is it wrong for you to remarry someday?
For people who love God and value the bible as the Word of God, the questions you are facing are very serious questions that cannot be taken lightly. You search the scripture for answers that apply to what you’re dealing with. And because you don’t want to get this wrong you seek out godly counsel to help you navigate your way through this. But still if you look hard enough you can find lots of people who love God and love the Word of God and yet they are divided over these questions.
Early this week I read an article on Sheila Wray Gregoire’s website To Love, Honor and Vacuum, called Reader Question: When Do I Give Up Trying to Get My Ex Back? I thought it was an excellent article. One that helps answer some of the same questions our readers are asking.
But what I didn’t know until this weekend was that she received a lot of backlash for taking the position she has taken on this subject. So on Friday she released a follow-up article to help deal with this subject even more. From some very solid understanding on what the bible teaches, she wrote Why I’m Anti-Divorce and Pro-Remarriage.
Again as I read this article and the comments that followed I could see there is still some strong opinions and debate over these questions. But for me this debate is nothing new. I feel like I have been dealing with this debate all my life. For those of you who have been following us you may have read where I wrote about my parents breakup and how my mothers heartbreak inspired my Life Decision to want to be married for life.
But what I haven’t talked about before was how much my mother agonized with these same issues and the debate that went on around her. Thank God she did not have the internet back then where she could have searched endlessly trying to find some solid truth to base her decision on. Although the divorce was not her choice, she did remarry a few years later and has been happily married ever since.
Then as I said I have been dealing with these questions for most of my life. The four times I thought my marriage would end in divorce, I wrestled hard with these questions. As I have said before when I wrote Should You Try to Save Your Marriage, I believe my decision to fight for my marriage was between me and the Lord. And then for me the torment and fear I felt ended when I clearly heard the Lord in my spirit say, “I have grace for divorce.” It was His way of saying “peace be still” to the storm of emotions I was feeling.
Now as I have been reading these articles and hearing this debate over divorce and remarriage, I have been wrestling with a part of our story we have never told before. Because, we are Redeeming Marriages. We are the one’s speaking up for all of you who are standing for your marriage. Our own story has set the example for many of you that it can be done.
But at the risk of appearing hypocritical to some of you, because we do believe so strongly in the covenant of marriage and the lifetime commitment to it. We must confess, Janet was married previously before we were married. And now, I am a man who has married a divorced woman. So these questions concerning divorce and remarriage have been a part of our story right from the beginning.
Now the details of her first marriage are not the things we talk about publicly. But I will say for the sake of showing biblical grounds for her divorce and our remarriage, that in the short year and a half of that marriage she was the victim of abuse, abandonment, and adultery. She made a very difficult decision to end that marriage and I stand behind her decision all the way.
If this issue is hitting home with you and you are also wrestling with these questions, I want to encourage you to check out the articles on Sheila’s website. The biblical explanations she gives is spot on in our book. And though we are not getting into our explanations of those scriptures at this time, when we do it will pretty much be saying everything she has said so far.
I hope this disclosure of our past has not hurt your confidence in what we have to say about marriage. We still firmly believe God help me stand for my marriage. We believed God saved me from going through divorce and He saved Janet from going through a 2nd one. And we believe it was God who brought restoration and healing to our marriage.
But if this has hurt the way you see us and our position concerning marriage and you can no longer look to us for encouragement, all we can do is say we are sorry. And we hope you find the voice of encouragement that helps you through the difficulties in your marriage you are dealing with. The thing that matters the most to us is, we want to see God bring restoration to as many marriages that will allow Him to. And we want to see strong healthy marriages that represent to the world what marriage should look like.
Thank you for letting us share this with you today!
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net