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Divorce, Remarriage, & Personal Disclosure

Many of you who follow our blog are facing some of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make. Along with all the heartache you feel because of your broken marriage, you also have some agonizing questions that need to be answered.

Should you stand for a marriage that looks impossible to save? If so, how long should you stand? Or in your situation, is it God’s will for you to stand for your marriage at all? When the bible says “God hates divorce,” does that mean He will condemn you for not doing all you can to stop it from happening? And what if your marriage does end in divorce, is it wrong for you to remarry someday?

For people who love God and value the bible as the Word of God, the questions you are facing are very serious questions that cannot be taken lightly. You search the scripture for answers that apply to what you’re dealing with. And because you don’t want to get this wrong you seek out godly counsel to help you navigate your way through this. But still if you look hard enough you can find lots of people who love God and love the Word of God and yet they are divided over these questions.

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Early this week I read an article on Sheila Wray Gregoire’s website To Love, Honor and Vacuum, called Reader Question: When Do I Give Up Trying to Get My Ex Back? I thought it was an excellent article. One that helps answer some of the same questions our readers are asking.

But what I didn’t know until this weekend was that she received a lot of backlash for taking the position she has taken on this subject. So on Friday she released a follow-up article to help deal with this subject  even more. From some very solid understanding on what the bible teaches, she wrote Why I’m Anti-Divorce and Pro-Remarriage.

Again as I read this article and the comments that followed I could see there is still some strong opinions and debate over these questions. But for me this debate is nothing new. I feel like I have been dealing with this debate all my life. For those of you who have been following us you may have read where I wrote about my parents breakup and how my mothers heartbreak inspired my Life Decision to want to be married for life.

But what I haven’t talked about before was how much my mother agonized with these same issues and the debate that went on around her. Thank God she did not have the internet back then where she could have searched endlessly trying to find some solid truth to base her decision on. Although the divorce was not her choice, she did remarry a few years later and has been happily married ever since.

Then as I said I have been dealing with these questions for most of my life. The four times I thought my marriage would end in divorce, I wrestled hard with these questions. As I have said before when I wrote Should You Try to Save Your Marriage, I believe my decision to fight for my marriage was between me and the Lord. And then for me the torment and fear I felt ended when I clearly heard the Lord in my spirit say, “I have grace for divorce.” It was His way of saying “peace be still” to the storm of emotions I was feeling.

Now as I have been reading these articles and hearing this debate over divorce and remarriage, I have been wrestling with a part of our story we have never told before. Because, we are Redeeming Marriages. We are the one’s speaking up for all of you who are standing for your marriage. Our own story has set the example for many of you that it can be done.

But at the risk of appearing hypocritical to some of you, because we do believe so strongly in the covenant of marriage and the lifetime commitment to it. We must confess, Janet was married previously before we were married. And now, I am a man who has married a divorced woman. So these questions concerning divorce and remarriage have been a part of our story right from the beginning.

Now the details of her first marriage are not the things we talk about publicly. But I will say for the sake of showing biblical grounds for her divorce and our remarriage, that in the short year and a half of that marriage she was the victim of abuse, abandonment, and adultery. She made a very difficult decision to end that marriage and I stand behind her decision all the way.

If this issue is hitting home with you and you are also wrestling with these questions, I want to encourage you to check out the articles on Sheila’s website. The biblical explanations she gives is spot on in our book. And though we are not getting into our explanations of those scriptures at this time, when we do it will pretty much be saying everything she has said so far.

I hope this disclosure of our past has not hurt your confidence in what we have to say about marriage. We still firmly believe God help me stand for my marriage. We believed God saved me from going through divorce and He saved Janet from going through a 2nd one. And we believe it was God who brought restoration and healing to our marriage.

But if this has hurt the way you see us and our position concerning marriage and you can no longer look to us for encouragement, all we can do is say we are sorry. And we hope you find the voice of encouragement that helps you through the difficulties in your marriage you are dealing with. The thing that matters the most to us is, we want to see God bring restoration to as many marriages that will allow Him to. And we want to see strong healthy marriages that represent to the world what marriage should look like.

Thank you for letting us share this with you today!   

 

 

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”raised” width=”600px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]The intent of this blog post is for us to be up front concerning our own experience with divorce and remarriage. This is a very sensitive subject and we know there are those who strongly disagree with our view. However we choose not to allow comments from anyone wanting to condemn us for our views. We are not here to focus on this debate. Our mission has always been and will continue to be, proclaiming God’s redeeming grace to hurting marriages. God restored our marriage and He wants to restore so many others.  [/dropshadowbox]

5 comments

  1. Jack – I appricate the difficulty of doing this. Thanks for doing it, it will help others.

    Like you, I am married to a divorced woman. We don’t talk about it much, but we’ve mentioned it on occasion. Like you, I have good reaosn to think she divorced for biblical reasons, and our getting married was good with God.

    But what if that were not the case? What if she had no good reaosn to divorce, and we should not have married? In my mind it would still be God’s will for us to stay married and have a great marriage. Yes, we’d need to deal with what we did wrong, but those wrongs would not change God’s will for those who are married to stay married.

    • jack says:

      Paul – thank you so much commenting and understanding where we are coming from. This post drew some difficult backlash and has made us feel like we were standing on an island by ourselves. Even though we knew there are many couples who could identify.

      And thank you for your question and the last point. I completely agree, even if our marriage had been outside of God’s will to start with I don’t think ending the marriage would be His way of solving the problem. We have seen many couples who started out wrong, even those who married after their relationship started from an affair. Still even then, like you, I cannot see how God would want them to end the marriage to make up for their mistakes.

      • There are actually those who teach our wives should divorce us and remarry their first spouse. Aside from God calling this an abomination in the OT, I don’t see how two divorces make anything better.

        Hang in there, the storm will clear.

  2. Lori says:

    I appreciate your honesty, and it doesn’t change what you’re doing through your blog or the truths you share. Your story is powerful. Your honesty is refreshing and healing.
    My husband and I are both in our second marriages. Both of us experienced abuse and adultery in our first marriages. Both of us were committed to working it out. Both of us had spouses who ended the marriage. The healing journey has been hard but worth it. I believe our GOD is a GOD of second chances, and I believe if we’ve done everything we can to honor HIM and our commitment, HE sees this. My husband is a blessing, and I am thankful for the restoration the LORD has done in our lives.
    Keep on doing what GOD has called you to do knowing you are blessing and helping others.
    Thank you again.

  3. princevinco says:

    In as much as i don’t support rushing to law court to end our marriage in divorce. However there are cases or some marriages that are beyond redemption. For instance i read some times ago about a man in China who sued his wife in court for producing very ugly children. When DNA test was carried, if was confirmed that the man was the biological father of the children.

    it was then that the wife confessed of having had a plastic surgery on her face before she got married to the man. The woman was fined for withholding vital information from the man. So i strongly accept what Jack and Janet said about disclosure of our past.That is there are some deep secrets we need to revel to our partner because such secrets when they happens to be known in future, it could destroy our marriage.

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