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Taking Responsibility Does Not Mean You’re Taking the Blame

Blame shifting is one of the biggest reasons couples have a hard time resolving their marital conflicts. We all do it at one time or another. But that doesn’t mean we should. Because the answer to the problem is never in finding who to blame. The answer, whatever the problem, is always found when someone takes responsibility.

Many times couples have come to us with marriage problems and with their own ideas of fixing the marriage by fixing their spouse. While neither husband or wife claim to have achieved perfection, they are set on believing their marriage problems are the other person’s fault. Each one will admit to the things they do wrong, but they weigh their own faults in a balance against their spouse’s faults and the balance always leans in their favor.

responsibility

Husbands and wives fall into the same trap all other relationships fall into when there is conflict. We lose sight of what’s most important and we become fixated on who’s fault it is. Who did what to whom? Who started this?

“It’s her fault because she did such and such.” “It’s his fault because he should have done that.” Around and around we go. Where it stops, nobody knows. Read more

Are You Willing to Lose the Battle to Save What You Love

It’s easy to find yourself in a fight with your spouse without knowing how to let it go. You know you don’t want to be fighting. But the thing you’re fighting over seems too important, so you believe you must stand your ground. When this happens you need to know there are times when you have to lose the battle to save what you love.

lose the battle

There is a story in the bible that I think sets a great example for couples to follow. It’s a story that demonstrates the wisdom of king Solomon and how he resolved the conflict of two women. Read more

We Need Peacemakers When There is Division

I am grieved by the troubles in our world today. Everywhere we turn people are against one another. There are divisions over race, religious views, political views, social and economic status. And for many of us there is division in our own families. So I think everyone would agree, we need peacemakers.

we need peacemakers

I know this is a marriage blog and so I’m not trying to turn this into a current events article. But I believe some of the lessons we try to communicate to marriages, we can also apply to the world around us. After all, marriage is all about the journey of becoming united as one flesh. So why wouldn’t the same principles of unity work for our world around us? Read more

4 Reasons Why It’s Wrong To Fight Over Who’s Right

Have you ever found yourself arguing with your spouse and can’t remember what you started arguing about? Have you ever thought if you apologize and admit you were wrong, it could make you look weak? I must confess, before the Lord brought healing into our lives and marriage, I used to struggle with this way of thinking quite a bit. That’s why I want to share with you why I now believe it is extremely wrong to fight over who is right.

wrong to fight

 

For many years I was easily caught in this scenario of fighting to prove I was right. It didn’t matter what the argument was about, I was determined from the beginning to prove my points and to prove I was right. And if it ever appeared Read more

Is Your Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage?

My dream was to be married for life; I had made that life decision when I was thirteen years old. Yet, I kept finding ways to sabotage my dream. My behavior toward Janet and toward our marriage was destructive.

I remember once when I was seeking the Lord in order to save my marriage and I heard the Lord remind me in a gentle way, that I had reaped what I had sown.

Behavior Sabotaging Your Marriage

I knew right away that He was not putting the blame on me for what Janet was doing wrong. He was simply letting me see how I had destroyed our marriage with the hurtful ways I had treated her.

Those words broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. I needed to know that our marriage problems were not all Janet’s fault. Just because she had chosen to give up on our marriage, the Lord would not Read more