Sharing hope and strength for marriages with the power of God's redeeming love.

Posts in category Commitment

When I Said I Do, I meant ….

“What right do you have to destroy my dreams?” I asked my wife. It was a question I felt very strongly about many years ago when she wanted to end our marriage. And it is a question I still feel very strongly about today.

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I take the marriage vows very serious. I believe the vows are promises of commitment to see the marriage through even the toughest of times. Vows like “for better or worse, in sickness or health, for richer or poorer,” are meant to foretell our commitment to the marriage and our spouse with the presumption that there is a good chance we will face any number of trials that will test our resolve to stay committed to the marriage.

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When You’re the Only One Trying to Improve Your Marriage

Can one person make a difference in their marriage even when their spouse is not trying? My answer to that is a resounding, YES they absolutely can!

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There is no question in my mind that even if only one spouse is trying, they alone can make a huge impact on their marriage and if only one person is trying there is still tremendous hope for the marriage.

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Is It Possible For Marriage To BE Perfect

This post is on “why I still believe in marriage” and is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which we are delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!  


 

I have come to believe that I can truthfully say my marriage is perfect. Now I know that sounds like a very bold statement. And I know some may think that is a very naive statement. But please hear me out on this.1422245_37709115

There is one single reason I believe my marriage is perfect and I will give you that reason. But first let me tell you what I’m not saying.

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How Great is Our Faithfulness?

 Faithfulness: what comes to mind when you hear that word?

Well, in the context of marriage or dating relationship we are accustomed to hearing and using the word faithfulness to refer to either romantic or sexual fidelity. And often we have heard some statement of unfaithfulness that went like, “the reason my marriage ended was because my ex was unfaithful.”

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How Do You Relate? As Friends, Partners, Lovers, or All Three?

ID-100138616On our last post How Are You Two Related, I started talking about how in every marriage we have different and unique ways of connecting with our spouse. And that the important thing was to find your connection points and work from your place of strength as you work to improve other ways to connect with each other.

On this post I want to start taking a look at how we relate to our spouse in three major categories; friendship, partnership, and lovers. As far as I can tell, any connection we have with our spouse will always fit into one or more of these areas. But the challenge we face is understanding how to move in and out of each area and how to find good balance of all three ways of connection.

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How Are You Two Related

At the very core of any relationship is the idea that we relate to one another through some sort of connection. It is through our connections that we create bonds that hold us together. The bond can be as simple as a distant relative that you still feel connected to because you share the same family. Or it can be as complex as two elderly sisters who have been best friends since childhood.

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But of course not all relationships are the same. We can have relationships with family members that look the same as far as our position in the family, but we are some how more connected to certain family members than we are others. It’s not that we love one family member more than the other, it’s just that there is a greater connection we have with certain people based on the things we share in common.

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Yes We Can Because We’re On The Same Team

ID-10097577Everyone of us have to face some difficulty. We may not be going through the same stuff, but I know each of us have challenges we all have to deal with. And I know those challenges seem to have a way of testing us in ways we never thought we would be tested.

Some of you may be dealing with some serious marriage issues that have you worried over how it will all work out. I know, I’ve been there, and it is certainty a tough place to be. But no matter what you are facing, you have to keep in mind that you and your spouse are on the same team.

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Yes We Can Even When We’re Not Happy

nLzlmbUNow that we are starting our new year with a “Yes We Can” attitude, let’s remember that no matter what we are going through we have to trust that God is at work on our behalf to help us change into better people.

So our first step is to Trust in God’s plan.

Next, we need to be Committed to His purpose even when we are not happy.

One of the most common problems many couples have is assuming the purpose for their marriage is for their own happiness. And when there is enough unhappiness people tend to reconsider their commitment to their marriage.

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Prophetic Eyes for Your Spouse

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“Do you Jack, take Janet to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“Do you Janet, take Jack to be your lawfully wedded Husband?”

“I do.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

I remember the day we spoke those words like it was yesterday. I was a wide eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to one day be called a husband.

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I’ll Admit it; I’m Selfish, You Should Be Too.

Every time our marriage looked like it was over and I found myself fighting to hang on, I began to examine myself for what I had done wrong. I would remember the things I had done to hurt may wife. And whether it was in some small ways or in something major I had done, it all came back to one thing. I was selfish.

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My selfish ways were toxic to our marriage. I hurt my wife with stupid things just because I was so selfish. I neglected our marriage and caused her to feel lonely and desperate simply because I was too selfish to give her and our marriage the best of me.

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Good Leaders Put Their Marriage First

Day #13 of this series, Marriage Ministry, who needs it?

I started this series to emphasis something we strongly believe in. I wrote on day #1 a list of 12 people/couples who need marriage ministry. So far I have covered 11 and now the final one.

Marriage first

Leaders, who work in marriage ministry like us, need to also receive ministry back into our own marriage. In fact all leaders and especially those in the body of Christ have a duty to reinvest in their own marriage on a regular basis.

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Sex is Good, God Created it.

Day #10 of this series, Marriage Ministry, who needs it?

And God said, let a man and a woman have good sex, regularly, within the boundaries of marriage. And God blessed their sex and said it was good.

Okay, maybe you won’t find those exact words in Genesis 1 or 2. But if you study the scripture you will find that God did create us to enjoy our marriage with a healthy sex life. We were created to live life with passion and our sexual relationship in marriage should be a great expression of this passion. READ MORE »

Tips to Keep Your Marriage from Drifting Apart

Couples sometimes need some help to keep their love from fading and their relationship from drifting apart. Drifting apart is all too real for so many couples and I would go so far to say, it is something that happens to all couples at one time or another.

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The key is knowing why it happens and what you can do to change it.

Why do we drift?

The word of God teaches us, (Gen.2:24) that marriage requires for a man and a woman to be joined together, and they become one flesh.  The KJV bible uses the word cleave for joined together. Other translations use the words embraces, united, and cling. The picture here is that the covenant marriage relationship is to create a bond of oneness that is so tight there can be no separating what used to be two.

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S.O.S. My Marriage Is In Trouble?

Day #5 of this series, Marriage Ministry, who needs it?

When working to overcome some hard things in your marriage, such as an affair, it would be very helpful to find some help from a marriage ministry. Especially if you feel you have one last chance to save to your marriage from divorce.

One last chance

A few weeks ago we started our late summer sessions of Marriage Builders classes. We had a good turnout and anytime that happens we break out into small discussion groups after the teaching segment. READ MORE »

So You Say Your Marriage is Over?

Today I want to speak to a certain situation that may or may not be the one you are in right now. But chances are if you’re not there now you may have been there before. And hopefully we can work together to keep you from ever going there again.

Where is this place I’m talking about? It’s the place where a husband, a wife, or both, come to a point that they want to give up on their marriage. It’s over. Let’s be honest, this is a very real place for a lot couples. I know because we have been there ourselves, on more than one occasion.

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Committed to a Covenant

On our last post Getting That Stubborn Stain Out, I introduced the idea of using COFHE to deal with those STUBBORN MARRIAGE
PROBLEMS. With each letter representing an important step to dealing with marriage conflict; C – commitment, O – ownership, F – forgiveness, H – hope, and E – empathy. On this post I will focus on commitment. There is a lot to say, so let’s jump in.

C is for COMMITMENT.

Commitment in marriage is an absolute essential for a marriage to last. It’s the promise we make to each other, “until death do us part,” that gives us the hope of going the distance of being married for life. And even if we are challenged with very difficult circumstances, it is this promise of commitment that sees us through. In Life decisions, I talked about my own hopes for a lifelong marriage and how commitment seen me through some difficult times. All marriages start out with this vision of going the distance of being married for life. READ MORE »

Easy as one, two, three. pt. 3

The truth is, it has not been that easy for us. Today we consider ourselves blessed to have a great marriage. But we had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way.
For one, we learned to take quit out of our marriage.
Then we learned that both of us had to be continually invested in the health of our relationship.
And finally we learned that  “to have a great marriage it takes three.” READ MORE »

Easy as one, two, three. pt. 2

It takes two to make a marriage,” was the words I heard that were meant to ridicule me for the way I had treated my marriage. And in fact, those words did strike a nerve with me. Those words did remind me of how much I had failed my marriage. I was the one who still wanted to be married, but I really had no idea what it took to “make a marriage.”   READ MORE »

Easy as one, two, three.

 I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I had finally seen a glimmer of hope.
I began to see my wife willing to at least talk about us and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance. It was then that I felt I needed to talk to one other person. If I could just get him to give her some space so that she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance. READ MORE »

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