Can one person make a difference in their marriage even when their spouse is not trying? My answer to that is a resounding, YES they absolutely can!
There is no question in my mind that even if only one spouse is trying, they alone can make a huge impact on their marriage and if only one person is trying there is still tremendous hope for the marriage.
This post is on “why I still believe in marriage” and is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which we are delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!
I have come to believe that I can truthfully say my marriage is perfect. Now I know that sounds like a very bold statement. And I know some may think that is a very naive statement. But please hear me out on this.
There is one single reason I believe my marriage is perfect and I will give you that reason. But first let me tell you what I’m not saying.
Faithfulness: what comes to mind when you hear that word?
Well, in the context of marriage or dating relationship we are accustomed to hearing and using the word faithfulness to refer to either romantic or sexual fidelity. And often we have heard some statement of unfaithfulness that went like, “the reason my marriage ended was because my ex was unfaithful.”
On our last post How Are You Two Related, I started talking about how in every marriage we have different and unique ways of connecting with our spouse. And that the important thing was to find your connection points and work from your place of strength as you work to improve other ways to connect with each other.
On this post I want to start taking a look at how we relate to our spouse in three major categories; friendship, partnership, and lovers. As far as I can tell, any connection we have with our spouse will always fit into one or more of these areas. But the challenge we face is understanding how to move in and out of each area and how to find good balance of all three ways of connection.
At the very core of any relationship is the idea that we relate to one another through some sort of connection. It is through our connections that we create bonds that hold us together. The bond can be as simple as a distant relative that you still feel connected to because you share the same family. Or it can be as complex as two elderly sisters who have been best friends since childhood.
But of course not all relationships are the same. We can have relationships with family members that look the same as far as our position in the family, but we are some how more connected to certain family members than we are others. It’s not that we love one family member more than the other, it’s just that there is a greater connection we have with certain people based on the things we share in common.
Everyone of us have to face some difficulty. We may not be going through the same stuff, but I know each of us have challenges we all have to deal with. And I know those challenges seem to have a way of testing us in ways we never thought we would be tested.
Some of you may be dealing with some serious marriage issues that have you worried over how it will all work out. I know, I’ve been there, and it is certainty a tough place to be. But no matter what you are facing, you have to keep in mind that you and your spouse are on the same team.
Now that we are starting our new year with a “Yes We Can” attitude, let’s remember that no matter what we are going through we have to trust that God is at work on our behalf to help us change into better people.
Next, we need to be Committed to His purpose even when we are not happy.
One of the most common problems many couples have is assuming the purpose for their marriage is for their own happiness. And when there is enough unhappiness people tend to reconsider their commitment to their marriage.
“Do you Jack, take Janet to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“Do you Janet, take Jack to be your lawfully wedded Husband?”
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
I remember the day we spoke those words like it was yesterday. I was a wide eyed Nineteen year old who thought he knew everything there was to know about being a husband. After all, my only dream in life for the previous six years was to one day be called a husband.
Every time our marriage looked like it was over and I found myself fighting to hang on, I began to examine myself for what I had done wrong. I would remember the things I had done to hurt may wife. And whether it was in some small ways or in something major I had done, it all came back to one thing. I was selfish.
My selfish ways were toxic to our marriage. I hurt my wife with stupid things just because I was so selfish. I neglected our marriage and cause her to feel lonely and desperate simply because I was too selfish to give her and our marriage the best of me.
I started this series to emphasis something we strongly believe in. I wrote on day #1 a list of 12 people/couples who need marriage ministry. So far I have covered 11 and now the final one.
Leaders, who work in marriage ministry like us, need to also receive ministry back into our own marriage. In fact all leaders and especially those in the body of Christ have a duty to reinvest in their own marriage on a regular basis.