It is so tough to see anything good happening during the darkest hours of your life. But it is possible to have the best moments in your relationship with God even while you’re going through the worst battles life can throw at you.
As with most things I write here on this blog, I can make my point best with an example from my own life.
It was the third time our marriage was in crisis. Janet wanted out of our marriage and I was doing everything I could to stop her. She said our marriage was over and she wanted me to move out. But I refused to leave my home and my children so I spent a few months sleeping on the couch while fighting to save our marriage.
It was the most grueling emotional battle I had ever been through. I stayed up late every night reading my bible and praying for my wife and our marriage. When I did sleep at night the fight for my marriage often filled my dreams. And then at work I was blessed to be working for my uncle who gave me grace as I worked everyday in a fog just going through the motions of work while my mind was so completely occupied.
I believed (and still do) that I was fighting a battle that the Lord wanted me to fight. My wife was in serious danger and I knew the Lord wanted me to do everything I could to keep her from going over a ledge. And she knew what I was doing. I told her that I knew I would be alright no matter what because the Lord was with me, but it was for her that I could not stand by and watch her destroy her life.
So it was out of this time of deep emotional stress that I found myself constantly turning to the Lord for strength. I needed Him desperately like I had never needed Him before. As I already said, I stayed up late at night seeking Him. During the day I took long lunch breaks everyday in the nearby National Forest walking along the river crying out to the Lord for more strength. And anytime I was home alone I would put on some music and just let worship take me into His presence.
One such time I will never forget was when I came home from work knowing I could have some time alone with the Lord. I was hurting so bad and I just needed some time in the Lord”s presence. I was getting weary from the battle and I didn’t know how much more I could take. And because of what I was feeling I knew one particular song I needed to hear. It was “Warrior Is A Child,” by Twila Paris.
As the music started I put headphones on and sat on the floor with my back to the wall. I began singing along with the song letting the words describe to the Lord just exactly how I was feeling. The imagery of being a child inside a suit of armor trying to fight this battle seemed so fitting to me. I knew I was supposed to be a warrior fighting to save my marriage, but at the same time I was feeling like a child that desperately needed my Heavenly Father to pick me up.
Then as I sat there singing with tears streaming down my face I suddenly felt as if the Lord had wrapped His arms around me and picked me up so that I no longer was setting on the floor, but I was actually setting on His lap and He was holding me. At that point I could no longer hold back the tears and I could no longer sing as I just wept like a child. It felt as though a flood of emotions began to pour out of me as I was releasing all of my burden, heartache, and pain. At the same time I was overwhelmed by the feeling He was holding me and that He loved me so much that He would meet me in that moment like that.
It was the most incredible experience I have ever had with the Lord. Even to this day, over 20 years later, my eyes still fill with tears as I tell this story. It is an experience that can never be taken away from me and an experience that I am extremely thankful for even though it came during one of the darkest seasons of my life.
And so this is why I can never stress enough to anyone going through a trial why it is so important to press into your relationship with God. Because I know that not only can you find what you need from the Lord, such as comfort, strength, wisdom, and guidance. I also know that your time spent with the Lord during your darkest days can be your brightest moments. And no matter what the outcome of the trial you’re going through is you can have a closeness with the Lord that no one can take away from you.
If you’ve never heard the song I mentioned, I’ve included it here for you to enjoy.