I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I finally seen a glimmer of hope. Janet started showing she was willing to at least talk about us and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance.
I knew for her to give us another chance, she would have to be free from this other guy she was involved with. So it was then, after I started feeling this new hope, that I felt I needed to make a phone call and talk to this guy. If I could just get him to back off and give her some space so she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance.
After all these years I don’t remember too many details of that phone call, except for two statements. As our conversation started turning into more of an argument I heard him say, “well you know, it takes two to make a marriage!” And before I knew it and without any hesitation I answered back, “yeah, but it only takes one to quit!” (more…)
Believing for your marriage to be healed can be very tough. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels like there is no hope for closing the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong in your marriage. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.
I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.
You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.
Matthew 19:26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (more…)
Do you want to know the biggest reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before we finally got our marriage straighten out? It wasn’t because my wife kept looking for a way out. Although, she does own up to her part and how she handled those rough years. And we can’t say enough about how important it was for her to receive some personal healing to put a stop to the cycle she kept repeating.
But, in my opinion the biggest reason we kept repeating the cycle we were going through was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I always found a way to undo all the previous good that had been done to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end all I was doing was smoothing things over.
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
Easter is coming up and I was thinking about how much I love the movie, “The Passion of Christ.” I think it does an incredible job of portraying the suffering that Christ endured. It can be difficult to watch, but it has a way of speaking to me every time I watch it.
Last year my pastor showed a clip of the movie during his message on Resurrection Sunday. And there was something interesting that stood out to me this time. It was during the scene where Jesus was beaten nearly to death with rods and whips. It’s a very gruesome scene and it is not easy to watch. But this time as I watched I noticed how the movie showed Jesus trying His best to stay standing while He was being beaten. Then finally when He was overcome by the pain He collapses to the ground. The soldiers at that point thought they had given Him all a man could possibly take so they stopped their beating.
Then we see Jesus looking over at His mother Mary watching with the crowd with tears running down her face. And next we see His hands shaking violently as He regains enough strength to stand back to His feet. It was as if He was inviting the beating to continue, which it did, only worse after that. Now we don’t know if Jesus actually did stand back up during that beating, but I think the movie did a good job of making an important point in that small moment. (more…)
There’s an enemy that keeps trying to destroy my marriage and I’m so tired of him I really want him to die. Year after year I’ve seen this guy show up with his bag of tricks trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I. He doesn’t seem to care who gets hurt just as long as he gets his way. And no matter how hard I try to kill him, he keeps coming back.
Now, I’ve always wanted to do my best to protect my wife from any threat of danger. As a husband I consider this one of my greatest responsibilities. But I’ve discovered a terrible irony I constantly have to deal with. There are times where I am the guy I most desperately need to protect my wife from. So, the most dangerous threat to my marriage has always been the enemy I find that lives within me. Or, the enemy in-a-me. (more…)
What are your deal breakers? What would it take for you to say enough is enough? What kind of circumstances would force you into ending your marriage? I know most of us try to hold true to the words Jesus spoke “Let therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” But I also know most of us have some exceptions we would make to this rule. Given the right circumstances most of us could be pushed to the point where we would draw our line in the sand.
My deal breaker was infidelity. I had seen so much of it growing up and I knew how much pain it caused I became very afraid it. My fear of it even pushed me into a place of denial the first two times my marriage was in trouble. I was willing to accept my wife had had emotional affairs. But I couldn’t handle knowing she had been sexually intimate with someone else. Even when she tried to confess (more…)
We first heard Dr. Slattery speaking as a co-host on Focus on the Family. So when we were asked to read and write a review for her new book our immediate reaction was, “absolutely, we would be honored.” We felt very confident that whatever she had to say about marriage would be well worth our time of reading and would definitely be something we would recommend to our readers. (more…)
Have you ever found yourself arguing with your spouse and can’t remember what you started arguing about? Have you ever thought if you apologize and admit you were wrong, it could make you look weak? I must confess, before the Lord brought healing into our lives and marriage, I used to struggle with this way of thinking quite a bit. That’s why I want to share with you why I now believe it is extremely wrong to fight over who is right.
For many years I was easily caught in this scenario of fighting to prove I was right. It didn’t matter what the argument was about, I was determined from the beginning to prove my points and to prove I was right. And if it ever appeared (more…)
Every now and then Janet and I discover that one or both of us still struggle with some lingering effect from the bad years of our marriage. We have no problem with being transparent about the things we have done to each other and to our marriage. So I want to share with you how our old ways of arguing and fighting all the time did more damage than I would’ve ever thought possible.
Now I don’t want to give the wrong message here and cause discouragement to those still hoping to restore their marriage. Janet and I have overcome a lot and we are much better off having stayed together than we would have been if we had parted ways. It’s not that our marriage is in trouble or that it is threatened by our past. It’s just sometimes damage can take more work to overcome than anyone would have imagined.