Today’s guest post from Melissa Titus is for our Stories of Redeemed Marriages
On our wedding day, I truly believed I was Cinderella. I was marrying my Prince Charming and all my dreams had (or soon would) come true. As Chris and I walked down the aisle as husband and wife for the first time to Etta James “At Last”, I was filled with the greatest joy I had ever known. At last I had someone to fulfill all my hopes and dreams, to meet all my needs, to fill the void. We grew up without many of our needs met. We learned to either take what we needed from others, to give up, or we just needed to wait for the “right” person to come along. We headed into happily ever after repeating these bad habits from childhood.
Faithfulness: what comes to mind when you hear that word?
Well, in the context of marriage or dating relationship we are accustomed to hearing and using the word faithfulness to refer to either romantic or sexual fidelity. And often we have heard some statement of unfaithfulness that went like, “the reason my marriage ended was because my ex was unfaithful.”
For most of my adult life I have been living with regrets over the mistakes and bad decisions I have made in the past. It seems my thoughts are always dwelling on some sort of “I should have done that differently,” “if I had known what I know now I could have ……….,” or “I would have made a different choice if I had …………”
It’s the old Should-a-Could-a-Would-a thing that I get caught up in. And sometimes I don’t just visit the land of Should-a-Could-a-Would-a, sometimes I tend to live there for long periods of time. And when I go there, not only is it a place of torment for me, it is also a miserable place for my wife to have deal with me when I’m there.
You don’t have to settle for a marriage where you no longer feel passionate for each other. It doesn’t have to be that way. And you don’t have to dismiss a lack of passion in your marriage as something that passes with time. It is possible to keep the passion going for as long as you both shall live.
Janet and I are living proof that passion can be reborn in a marriage and it can be sustained for a lifetime. This week we will celebrate our thirty-first anniversary and we are probably more passionate for each other today than we ever have been, in spite of the fact that for many years we struggled to even like each other.And even if you have lost the passion you once had for each other, it is possible to Get Passion Back into Your Marriage.
Every marriage should have a good balance of partnership and friendship. It is difficult and there are many couples who fail at it everyday, but it is possible.
Marriage is the only relationship where we should have both partnership and friendship. Ordinarily in any other relationship it is considered unwise to mix the two. A business partnership that starts from friendship will usually hurt the friendship and a partnership that develops into friendship can hurt the partnership. Unless everyone understands the difference and they are able to balance the two properly.
Now on this post I wanted to dig deeper on the subject of relating to each other as friends. But as I looked back at a previous post I did last year, Becoming Best Friends for Life, I felt there is really not that much I would say differently than I did then. So I thought the best thing to do here is to share an edited excerpt from that post.
On our last post How Are You Two Related, I started talking about how in every marriage we have different and unique ways of connecting with our spouse. And that the important thing was to find your connection points and work from your place of strength as you work to improve other ways to connect with each other.
On this post I want to start taking a look at how we relate to our spouse in three major categories; friendship, partnership, and lovers. As far as I can tell, any connection we have with our spouse will always fit into one or more of these areas. But the challenge we face is understanding how to move in and out of each area and how to find good balance of all three ways of connection.
At the very core of any relationship is the idea that we relate to one another through some sort of connection. It is through our connections that we create bonds that hold us together. The bond can be as simple as a distant relative that you still feel connected to because you share the same family. Or it can be as complex as two elderly sisters who have been best friends since childhood.
But of course not all relationships are the same. We can have relationships with family members that look the same as far as our position in the family, but we are some how more connected to certain family members than we are others. It’s not that we love one family member more than the other, it’s just that there is a greater connection we have with certain people based on the things we share in common.
Janet and I are still going through the process of our first move in twenty years, so it has been hard for us to keep up with our writing or even posting pictures on FB. In light of what we are presently dealing with I thought I would share a few thoughts on a subject that has come up in our own marriage a few times over the years.