The way you see your marriage is a really big deal. It makes all the difference between wanting to move forward in your marriage and wanting to quit. It makes all the difference between believing you and your spouse can overcome your difficulties or if your difficulties will overcome you. The way you see your marriage will determine if you think you and your spouse were meant for each other or if you and your spouse made a huge mistake.
Marriages are dying every day simply from one or both spouse’s failure to see their marriage in a positive way. Whether the problems are small and petty or the problems are very significant, the future of the marriage lies in a couple’s ability to see their marriage as something worth fighting for.
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It’s easy to love your spouse when your marriage is healthy and going strong. There is a rhythm to how love flows and it seems effortless. It’s like the two of you are dancing in harmony with each step perfectly timed and choreographed. You give and then you receive and then you give some more. You both give love at the same time and in the same way. You both give love at opposite times and in opposite ways. You know without a doubt the two of you are becoming one.
But what if your marriage is not working this way? What if the music has stopped and there is no dance left in your marriage? You’re trying to continue to love your spouse even though you are seriously hurting inside. You believe in marriage. You want to honor the vows you have made. You want to do what is right before God. So you keep trying to love even when the pain of rejection and neglect keeps telling you to stop.
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Is there anyone praying for you? When you are going through the worst battle of your life, is there anyone who is helping you hold it together by praying for you? When you’re seeking for some answers and you need to know the will of God, who can you count on to take your situation before the Lord?
I mean it is great to have others around you who love you and are willing to give you advice. But what should matter the most is having people around you who are actually praying for you. Because at the end of the day advice is good and is sometimes needed. But there is nothing better than knowing you are not alone, there are other people who have your back and they are faithfully sending out prayers to the Lord on your behalf.
It is one of those precious jewels that will stay with you for the rest of your life when you look back at your most difficult days and you remember the ones who stood with you and were actually helping you make it because of the prayers they prayed.
Like right now as I write this, I’m choking back the tears as I think of someone who helped me, more than I can ever know, simply by bringing my life and marriage problem before God. My uncle Dan who sadly passed away almost three years ago was someone I knew without a doubt was praying for me throughout the marriage crisis I faced.
Many times I went to him to talk about what I was going through and I knew his advice and encouragement was sincere Continue Reading →
Many believers have certain people come to mind when they think about great faith. Great men and women of the bible and all throughout the ages there have been countless examples of great faith demonstrated in individual lives during extraordinary times.
Over the years I have also looked to and admired many different examples of great faith that have often encouraged me through difficult times. But the one example that has come to mean the most to me, is my wife. Janet’s story of faith has certainly benefited and blessed my life in a very personal way. But also whenever I step back and look at her story as a whole and I see what role faith has played in her life, when I do that, I’m always overwhelmed with admiration for her.
You see, so often people hear the basics of our story of how we were near divorce 4 different times, and how each time it was Janet who wanted out of our marriage and it was me who fought to save our marriage, and because of that people think I’m the hero of our story. But I cannot tell you how far from the truth that view of our story really is.
So I’ll tell you why My Wife is My Hero of Faith Continue Reading →
There are many of you who are in a very difficult place right now. Your marriage is in trouble and all you know to do is stand your ground and believe for the restoration of your marriage. You’re in one of the greatest challenges a person can face in life. And I know some of you ask yourself how much more you can take.
I want you to know Janet and I admire and appreciate every one of you facing this battle. It takes a lot of courage and conviction to take this stand. As many of you know I have been there, and I know too well how difficult it is.
Your story may be different from what I went through, but I understand the delicate balance you have to walk between heartache and hope. One minute your heart is so torn and broken you don’t think you can go any further, then the next minute your heart is so alive with the hope of your future as long as you can just hang on a little longer.
I know there are times when your spouse has a lot to do with how much heartache or hope you feel. You hang on to every little word and every little action trying to read into which direction your spouse will take. And then there are times when your spouse gives you no reason at all to hope but yet you have hope anyway.
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I don’t know exactly what you are going through right now, but it doesn’t take much for me to imagine myself in the same position many of you are in right now, the same place I was in many years ago. And when I do I can’t help but remember how much it meant for me to get before the Lord through worship and to just soak in His presence and allow His love to wash over me. It didn’t make my problems go away, but it certainly made it easier and in His presence I always found what I needed to keep believing there was hope for my situation.
So the message here in this post is simple. “He knows you, He is always there for you.” You can find anything you need when you enter into His presence.
I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do!
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We are all about encouraging husbands and wives who struggle with difficult marriages. We believe commitment, hope, and perseverance go a long way in helping couples get past their difficult season and on to the marriage they have always wanted.
But there is a serious issue of abusiveness that is facing far too many marriages today. This issue should never be ignored or overlooked, by the men and women who find themselves in an abusive relationship, nor by the rest of us who have a voice to speak out against it.
On this final post of this series on difficult marriage I need to deal with why men and women need to recognize when Difficult Marriage is Really an Abusive Marriage. Because once this line has been crossed the approach to dealing with the marriage crisis must change.
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Sometimes marriage difficulty can be so great all you can think about is running away. On one hand you don’t want to give up on your marriage, but on the other you just don’t know how much you can bear.
Honestly, during the difficult times of my own marriage there were many times I felt like giving up. Yes, I was committed for life and I did stand for my marriage when we were near divorce. But the truth is, it was very difficult and there were many times I wanted to give up.
There were times when we were not on the verge of breaking up and yet still the struggle to have a happy marriage was more than I could handle sometimes. Then there were times when I had to fight to save our marriage while at the same time I battled against feelings of hopelessness and many times thought the best thing for me to do would be to move on. And there were times when I felt so much anger and resentment I really didn’t care if my marriage survived or not. Continue Reading →
You know you would like to have a marriage you have always dreamed of having but somewhere along the way the challenges of life has got into your marriage. And now you find yourself not knowing how to improve your difficult marriage.
On our previous post, Why Do You Settle For a Difficult Marriage, I gave a challenge for anyone who felt stuck with no intention of doing anything about the condition of their marriage. I talked about how marriage was designed by God to be place of “One Flesh” unity and that God esteems marriage in such high regard that He even chose marriage to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church.
And as I mentioned in my challenge, “if marriage has been given the responsibility from God to represent what Christ relationship with us the Church should look like, shouldn’t we hold marriage to the same standard of honor and glory that God has already placed on it.”
But maybe you’re someone from my last post who answered Continue Reading →
A difficult marriage is a hard thing to endure. The stress of bickering and division never seems to end. Sometimes there may be moments of hope because love and peace seemed to be restored. But that hope quickly fades as another day presents another challenge and with the challenge husband and wife fall right back into their ruts of strife, anger, hurt, and confusion. And sadly too many men and women who have this type of marriage have no idea they don’t have to settle for it.
For 19 years I was willing to settle for a difficult marriage. For the most part I was always blind to how troubled my marriage was. I knew it was normal for couples to argue and have disagreements so I thought what was going on in my marriage was just as normal as anyone else’s. I was committed to being married for life even if I didn’t like the condition of my marriage. Continue Reading →