I came to the place in my life that I could no longer run from the pain. I needed help. I had stuffed all my pain and hurt deep inside from the wounds from others and wounds that were self inflicted. So I turned to a counselor to help me out of my prison.
I was dealing with abandonment issues from both my mother and my father. I had been abused from early childhood all the way through my adult life. Three different men molested me from age 6 to ll. One of the men did it more than 20 times. As a teenager I was date raped twice. I was physically abused from my father and a couple of times in my first marriage. And I dealt with emotional abuse from my father, my first husband, and in my marriage with Jack. (more…)
Today I have some exciting news to share with you, so I’m taking a slight detour on this post from our regular messages on marriage. I know most of our readers are very supportive of what we are doing and so I want share with you the latest developments with this ministry.
On June 11, in Greenville SC, Janet will be one of the featured speakers at this year’s “Show Me Your Scars” conference. This will be a one day event and the focus will be on emotional healing.
This will be Janet’s first time to publicly speak at this level. She will be sharing in depth her own testimony of very severe childhood trauma, how that affected her as an adult, and how God brought complete healing and restoration into her life. She is also preparing to go beyond simply telling her story by presenting a message of hope and encouragement in what the power of god’s grace can do. (more…)
The challenges we face in life are tough sometimes. Challenges with our health, our job, our children, or our marriage are the type of challenges almost everyone will have to deal with at one point or another. But in every challenge we face we have to make a conscious decision. Will we choose to let the situation make us better, or will we let it make us bitter?
I’ve seen the importance of this choice time after time, not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many others. And every time a person allows themselves to become bitter there is always a severe price that comes with making the wrong choice. Let me share a few examples. (more…)
I will never forget the phone call I made that day. I was fighting to save my marriage and after weeks of sleeping on the couch because I refused to move out, I finally seen a glimmer of hope. Janet started showing she was willing to at least talk about us and ask questions that sounded as if she was considering giving us another chance.
I knew for her to give us another chance, she needed to be free from this other guy she was involved with. So it was then, after I started feeling this new hope, that I felt I needed to make a phone call and talk to this guy. If only, I could get him to back off and give her some space so she could make the decision that would be best for her and our children. Then maybe I thought, we would have a chance.
After all these years I don’t remember too many details of that phone call, except for two statements. As our conversation started turning into more of an argument I heard him say, “well you know, it takes two to make a marriage!” And before I knew it and without any hesitation I answered back, “yeah, but it only takes one to quit!” (more…)
Believing your marriage can be healed is tough sometimes. The separation between you and your spouse is so far apart it feels hopeless to close the gap. You can’t undo all the things that went wrong. You can’t undo your history. And so now you look at your situation and all you see is a mountain that feels impossible to climb.
I’ve been there and I know how it feels to want with all my heart to see my marriage healed. While at the same time I had to face a very tough situation that made what I was hoping for appear impossible. But the one thing that kept me from being overwhelmed and discouraged was I dared to believe God and what His word teaches me.
You see, I believe God has a completely different view of your situation than what you’re capable of seeing right now. Jesus made this same distinction between what we see and what God sees when He said these words.
Matthew 19:26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (more…)
Do you want to know the biggest reason it took 4 times of almost getting a divorce before we finally got our marriage straighten out? It wasn’t because my wife kept looking for a way out. Although, she does own up to her part and how she handled those rough years. And we can’t say enough about how important it was for her to receive some personal healing to put a stop to the cycle she kept repeating.
But, in my opinion the biggest reason we kept repeating the cycle we were going through was because of the things I kept doing wrong. Time after time I always found a way to undo all the previous good that had been done to fix our marriage. Each time after we reached our breaking point I would begin to do everything I could to become a better husband. I didn’t want our marriage to end so I tried to change and I thought I was making some serious progress. But in the end all I was doing was smoothing things over.
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
Easter is coming up and I was thinking about how much I love the movie, “The Passion of Christ.” I think it does an incredible job of portraying the suffering Christ endured. It can be difficult to watch, but it has a way of speaking to me every time I watch it.
Last year my pastor showed a clip of the movie during his message on Resurrection Sunday. And there was something interesting that stood out to me this time. It was during the scene where Jesus was beaten nearly to death with rods and whips. It’s a very gruesome scene and it is not easy to watch. But this time as I watched I noticed how the movie showed Jesus trying His best to stay standing while He was being beaten. Then finally when He was overcome by the pain He collapsed to the ground. The soldiers at that point thought they had given Him all a man could possibly take so they stopped the beating.
Then we see Jesus looking over at His mother Mary watching with the crowd with tears running down her face. And next we see His hands shaking violently as He fights to regain enough strength to stand back to His feet. It was as if He was inviting the beating to continue, which it did, only worse after that. Now we don’t know if Jesus actually did stand back up during that beating. But I think the movie did a good job of making an important point in that small moment. (more…)
There’s an enemy that keeps trying to destroy my marriage and I’m so tired of him I really want him to die. Year after year I’ve seen this guy show up with his bag of tricks trying to drive a wedge between my wife and I. He doesn’t seem to care who gets hurt just as long as he gets his way. And no matter how hard I try to kill him, he keeps coming back.
Now, I’ve always wanted to do my best to protect my wife from any threat of danger. As a husband I consider this one of my greatest responsibilities. But I’ve discovered a terrible irony I constantly have to deal with. There are times where I am the guy I most desperately need to protect my wife from. So, the most dangerous threat to my marriage has always been the enemy I find that lives within me. Or, the enemy in-a-me. (more…)
What are your deal breakers? Do you draw lines in the sand? Is there a point when you say enough is enough? What does it take to end your marriage? I know most of us try to hold true to the words Jesus spoke “Let therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” But I also know most of us have some exceptions we would make to this rule. Given the right circumstances most of us could be pushed to the point where we would draw our line in the sand.
My deal breaker was infidelity. I had seen so much of it growing up and I knew how much pain it caused I became very afraid it. My fear of it even pushed me into a place of denial the first two times my marriage was in trouble. I was willing to accept my wife had had emotional affairs. But I couldn’t handle knowing she had been sexually intimate with someone else. Even when she tried to confess to me about her first affair my reaction was so severe she immediately retracted it and told me only as much as I was willing to accept. (more…)