This One Thing Is Destroying Marriages Everyday

Everyday marriages all over the world are being destroyed by a single killer. This killer morphs in many forms and works in various ways, but make no mistake the threat of this thing is very real and very dangerous. If this killer is not able to destroy a marriage it will at the very least render a marriage powerless to reach the full potential it was designed to be.

I’m angry about what this killer has done to hurt so many marriages and I’m passionate about being part of an army who aims to defeat this enemy of marriages.

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Now when I tell you the name of this marriage destroyer, I hope you don’t overlook the danger behind its simplistic name. And I hope you’re not offended by what I’m saying here. I hope you understand I’m trying to help us all. I’m not trying to point the finger at anybody and I’m not trying to put people down. This thing nearly destroyed my own marriage and in some ways I know it can still threaten us today.

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What’s So Wrong With “I’m Not In Love Anymore”

The words “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” have been said many times by one spouse to another trying to explain the current condition of their emotions. And sadly those words have been used over and over again as an explanation for why one spouse has decided to give up on their marriage.

But as I said in our last post, there is something terribly flawed with this way of thinking. And if this is the way you’re feeling about your spouse and your marriage right now, I want to send out a warning to you.

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Chasing after this type of emotion is very dangerous. Not only is it a threat to your current marriage, this type of thinking threatens any future hope you may have for a lasting relationship.

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What if You’re Not “IN LOVE” Anymore

“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”

You want your spouse to know you really do care for him/her. The two of you have shared so much together, so naturally you still love them as a person. You’re not cold-hearted and you don’t like hurting your spouse, but there has been a serious shift in the way you feel. You love him/her, but it’s not the same love you felt before.

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Back before when the two of you started out and you were so in love you couldn’t get enough of each other. You felt so much passion you wanted to be together all the time. There was no way you could have ever imagined you would one day lose that feeling, but you did.

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This Should Not Be Missing From Your Marriage

“She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me, she loves me not.”

The torment of uncertainty that flooded my mind time after time in my marriage reminds me of when I was a boy pulling petals off of flowers over a childhood sweetheart.

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The insecurity of not knowing if my wife would love me one day and then not love me the next was incredibly difficult to live with. It wasn’t that she was always giving me reason to feel insecure. There was just always something missing in our relationship, something I didn’t know how to describe, but I knew it was missing.

As it turned out, it was the same thing Janet was always missing that made her feel so insecure about our relationship. And neither one of us knew how to fix the problem because we never really understood the problem. We had times when our love for each other seemed strong enough, yet we both lived with the nagging feelings of not knowing how long our love would last.

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Divorce, Remarriage, & Personal Disclosure

Many of you who follow our blog are facing some of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make. Along with all the heartache you feel because of your broken marriage, you also have some agonizing questions that need to be answered.

Should you stand for a marriage that looks impossible to save? If so, how long should you stand? Or in your situation, is it God’s will for you to stand for your marriage at all? When the bible says “God hates divorce,” does that mean He will condemn you for not doing all you can to stop it from happening? And what if your marriage does end in divorce, is it wrong for you to remarry someday?

For people who love God and value the bible as the Word of God, the questions you are facing are very serious questions that cannot be taken lightly. You search the scripture for answers that apply to what you’re dealing with. And because you don’t want to get this wrong you seek out godly counsel to help you navigate your way through this. But still if you look hard enough you can find lots of people who love God and love the Word of God and yet they are divided over these questions.

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Early this week I read an article on Sheila Wray Gregoire’s website To Love, Honor and Vacuum, called Reader Question: When Do I Give Up Trying to Get My Ex Back? I thought it was an excellent article. One that helps answer some of the same questions our readers are asking.

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The Wrong and Right Way To Let Go of Offence

There is a wrong way and a right way of letting go of the things that hurt you. When someone does us wrong or has bad behavior that offends us, we will often say “I just let it go,” or “I don’t even let it bother me.” But often when we think we are letting go of something that hurts us, the truth is the offence actually still has some effect on us and could be damaging to our future.

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So what is the wrong way and the right way of letting something go?

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What Does Your Future Hold

When you don’t know where you’re going, chances are you will never get there. Drifting along life’s currents and allowing the winds of circumstances to dictate your life gives you very little chance of doing anything significant in life. This is true for all of life as well as it is in marriage.

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If you want to build a great marriage, you have to be intentional. If you want to restore a marriage that is broken, you have to do your part with purpose. If you want the dreams you have for your future to come true, you have to put deliberate actions in place to make things happen.

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